Dear So and So

[spokewench]

Well, I've gone with the being quiet part. My mom will get all over me for being disrespectful to my uncle. I've been ignoring him for years at the yearly family gathering but it seems like the more I ignore him, the snarkier his remarks get. I think next year, I'll just go on vacation.

Do you really think your Mom will get all over you if you tell her, I will not attend functions with him if he continues his behavior so you either let me stand up for myself or I don't come to family functions. I don't think cutting off family contact on big occasions is probably the best thing; unless your family life is not great? I sound like your mother now, huh! Are you young Alexis, because at some time in our lives, we all build different relationships with our parents and family and become grown up (this happens at different times in our lives); maybe this is one of those times?

[indysteel]

Do you really think your Mom will get all over you if you tell her, I will not attend functions with him if he continues his behavior so you either let me stand up for myself or I don't come to family functions. I don't think cutting off family contact on big occasions is probably the best thing; unless your family life is not great? I sound like your mother now, huh! Are you young Alexis, because at some time in our lives, we all build different relationships with our parents and family and become grown up (this happens at different times in our lives); maybe this is one of those times?

Yes to this. You are an adult and, regardless of what your mother may think or say, you are entitled to draw whatever boundaries you need to draw to protect yourself. There are better and worse ways of communicating those boundaries and of dealing with whatever pushback you may get, but the right to draw the boundary in the first place is fundamentally yours. IMO, the sooner you learn to assert yourself, the happier and more functional your life will be.

I recommend books of the self-help variety somewhat sparingly, but one that I think is very good for just about every woman to read is the Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner. It will help you learn to calmly and consisently assert yourself with people who want to manipulate or control you.

[Owlie]

Dear Drs. S and E:
Your class is a 1-credit hour, pass/fail class. It should not require this much work. Gah.

[Biciclista]

Dear TE friends
having a great time in Hawaii with DH. I took time this morning to buy him an IBex woolie for when we get home (via telephone). We're getting a little tanned and also rested. It's been beautiful every day.
And Seattle's weather nasty as ever, waits for our return.
Why are macadamia nuts SO expensive.
Love
Mimi

[salsabike]

Mimi, I love all the Hawaii stuff. You guys look wonderful.

[NbyNW]

I second what Salsabike said. If anyone has earned a little time in paradise, it's the two of you! Enjoy the rest of your vacation!

[OakLeaf]

Yay! Mimi, so glad you two are getting some vacation time.


(And yeah ... the Woolies, 50% off and I'm completely stocked up on wool. )

[alexis_the_tiny]

Do you really think your Mom will get all over you if you tell her, I will not attend functions with him if he continues his behavior so you either let me stand up for myself or I don't come to family functions. I don't think cutting off family contact on big occasions is probably the best thing; unless your family life is not great? I sound like your mother now, huh! Are you young Alexis, because at some time in our lives, we all build different relationships with our parents and family and become grown up (this happens at different times in our lives); maybe this is one of those times?

It actually did happen once, a few years ago, when I told my mom I was unhappy with said uncle's wife saying something about my sister. I'm in my mid-20's now. My uncle knows I don't stand for religious, sexist or racist jokes. But he makes them in my hearing or directs some of them at me at the rare family functions when I do attend. In my very limited classroom experience, it seems almost like he's trying to get some kind of response or maybe get me into trouble with my mom again. He reminds me of some of the bad situations we talk about in social emotional skills classes I teach at school...

[marni]

for some people, attention, even negative attention is the end all and be all.

just sayin.

[limewave]

Dear Dad,

Thank you for all of your help. That is all.

Love, Limewave

[emily_in_nc]

Dear Dad,

Thank you for all of your help. That is all.

Love, Limewave

Awww, Limewave. What a sweet little note. Hopefully you told him in person as well!

Emily, who misses her dad a lot

[Pax]

Dear Weather Gods,

Just have to say thanks for the sunshine today, and holding off the snow long enough for me to take my new bike out for a quick spin. It was dark and I'd had a couple of beers, but it was soooo fun!!! YAY!!

Signed,

Waiting for Spring

[Owlie]

Not-dear person:
Are you stupid? You couldn't find the actual article. Did you use this as an indication that you should perhaps find a different article? No. You gave me a freaking summary of the abstract. You gave me the summary of the summary. HOW IS THIS HELPFUL? I am going to mention your article in the paper, and that is it. Good luck doing the Powerpoint slides, because I really doubt that you have enough information to do it.

Dear two other group members:
Did you not get the memo that we were supposed to be studying depression? Instead, I get one article about PMS and one article about fat rats with diabetes. This really isn't all that helpful either.

Dear M:
I love you. Thank you so much for writing parts of the summary for me.