Issues making friends?

[tealtreak]

Hahaha. My mom is from northern Ohio, I'm sure she went through the same thing we did when she moved there in the 70s She seems to have met most of her friends through my Dad's coworkers' wives.

Too funny- I am originally from Ohio- when you are in town give me a holler! (:

[tulip]

Well, I'm not from Ohio! Just sayin'.

[tealtreak]

Well, I'm not from Ohio! Just sayin'.

you are welcome to give me a holler too!!! lol (: Always looking for ladies to mt bike with- riding with my sons is fun but killer..............

[tulip]

you are welcome to give me a holler too!!! lol (: Always looking for ladies to mt bike with- riding with my sons is fun but killer..............

I don't have a mountain bike these days, it's all road riding for me. But there's always hiking and kayaking and cool cafes...

[tealtreak]

I don't have a mountain bike these days, it's all road riding for me. But there's always hiking and kayaking and cool cafes...

that all sounds good- especially hiking- I love to kayak but it is harder to carve out time to hit the water(:

[shootingstar]

It didn't help that I relocated to another city over a yr. ago. Prior to that, it was still kinda tough..

I have some great close friends...but in a totally different province. Friendships over 25 yrs. long..

Ideally it would be nice to have a newer friend or 2 that wasn't a single shared interest friend, but more than that.

But that's probably not realistic as one gets older and moves around. I haven't volunteered for anything locally, I just go to occasional events at this time.
I am volunteering but it's remotely for some stuff happening elsewhere.... Long story.

Anyway..
For now, it's just having a lunch with someone from work occasionally (which believe me, for several workplaces I seldom buddied up with someone for lunch from work)....who coincidentally is one of several staff working on cycling matters. She also has a real passion for golf...which I can't totally relate at all.

Oh well.

[shootingstar]

It occurred to me now that 1 of the long-time, closer friends who is in another province, she is a recreational (was commuter) and touring cyclist and in fact is highly knowledgeable about cycling infrastructure: it was part of her job.

And I met her through volunteer work in a women's cycling group, when we all worked with a few other women for a few years.

*****But the ironic thing is that she and I seldom have gone cycling together. We would simply meet each other up after work occasionally or whatever and talk about cycling (for less than an hr. or way less).....and other non-cycling things that we share common interests. I consider that a good thing: cycling + other stuff. So actually cycling together was /is never a basis at all for our friendship.

A good thing...if either of us are injured/can no longer cycle...we can still find much in common. A friendship to take many years ahead.

[NbyNW]

Some places are just very insular and hard to break into socially, like zoom-zoom described. I lived in a place like that for a while -- it had its long-time residents and it had its transients. I guess I was in the transient camp because I was new, and while I tried to socialize in both camps, it seemed like only the transients were open to making friends. Nothing wrong with that, until the friend you made last month is moving on to another location.

In contrast there are places that are constantly absorbing new people from all over the place, and they tend to feel more welcoming and it's just easier to meet people through a variety of venues and activities.

As long as you feel like you have a good reason to be where you are, it's worth being persistent. You might find friends in the most surprising situations.

[Catrin]

I've dealt with this same thing since moving to Indiana. I've made some cycling friends, and friends at my gym but outside of a few exceptions that really hasn't gone beyond the activities. When I have made closer friends here they have moved away.

For me I think much of it is my age, my somewhat eccentric personality, and almost everyone I know is married, and most of those have children. They are very busy and when married couples socialize it is typically with other married couples, not single women. Also, outside of my cycling friends, pretty much everyone I know is quite sedentary,it is rare that I meet someone who shares my interests and I get pretty excited when I meet someone who does!

While I do have friends here, there really isn't anyone locally I would call truly a close/best friend, and I've been here a full decade. I like the idea that IndySteel and GLC1968 mentioned, I tend to over-think things and allow such opportunities to pass. I need to stop that

[Crankin]

I never regret moving back to the state of my birth, but even though I have 3-4 close friends now, I never developed the same feeling I had with my friends in AZ. My kids were 5 and 7 when i moved here and in school; we lived in a town where I had nothing in common with the others, so I tried making friends through my synagogue and work. That mostly worked. I did a ton of volunteer work at the synagogue and a little at my kid's school, at least as much I could do as a working mom.
The close friends I have now developed over a 20 year period. We met our cycling friends (a couple) that we are the closest with because we took a risk, joined AMC, and signed up for one of her rides. It turned out that we had seen them for years at the health club, and lived within 5 miles of each other. It was just luck that our kids were grown and out of the house and they had no kids.
I have a ton of acquaintances, some of which have been friends for a while. And while I love my cycling group, they have been together for years and no one has reached out past the doing the regular group thing with me. I am happy to say that I met Hirakukibou through TE and we are both riding buddies and friends!

[ClockworkOrange]

Hi Emily

Have been in a similar situation over the years when moving but a lot of good advice on here, at least there are always friends on TE.

Just before I read your thread, I noticed this by shootingstar:

Friendship/good times: celebrate Chinese New Year's

In the spirit of friendship and building them:

Happy New Year of the Dragon for 2012! It's been on for past few days world-wide..

Invite a friend or 2 along and just go to a restaurant to eat, talk and know each other better.

It was suggested to me yesterday...so we're going later this week..for um a bigger lunch. Oh well, it's been ages since I've eaten at a Chinese restaurant...

Maybe you could grab a couple of people you know, in the hopes of all getting to know each other better?

Good luck, it will all happen in good time.

[fetchspot]

I too, find myself moving quite a bit lately and not being able to make friends. Two thoughts. Another thread on TE is on the myers-briggs personality test. I am always surprised I am in the minority introvert group. For me it helps to know I am not the only one going thru this.

Second I hate to say I do the Scarlet OHara thing--I'll think about this later. I know my location is not something permanent so I do the best I can for the moment. I tell myself live with and enjoy what you have. I enjoy exploring opportunities and activities local to each particular area. If I have to do it solo, I do.

I like the suggestion of acting on offers and also being the initiator. Currently my job takes most of my time and I have little for anything else.

Fs

[ny biker]

They are very busy and when married couples socialize it is typically with other married couples, not single women.

I've had the same experience. People do couple things with even numbers of people. If I'm with them, I'm the 3rd, 5th or 7th wheel. Usually I don't get invited, I just hear about their activity after the fact.

The people I meet on group rides are happy enough to chat during the ride, and sometimes afterwards we'll have lunch. And they're happy to see me on the next ride. But the ride itself is their social event, and then they get back to their families.

[indysteel]

When I was single (I got married at 40), I had a lot of friends who were married. It was never a huge stumbling block to socializing with them. But, that said, a lot of my friends are older than me and either don't have kids or have grown children. I stopped having a ton in common with women my own age when they started having kids and I was still very much single. At that juncture, I started hanging out more with people who were a good 10 or more years older than me. I'm not sure there's any point to that story, but I would encourage anybody looking for friends to broaden your parameters (if you have any).

Another thing I'd add: Sometimes, you have to be the cruise director. If I waited for my married with children friends to invite or include me in their outings, I'd never see them. So, more often than not, I'm the one that suggests getting together and then coordinates the plans. I do that with my single and/or childless friends, too. Certainly before I had to move, I was the one pushing everyone to get together for a movie. If you're not already, take the reins on making plans.

Finally, throw a party or two. I'm not big on parties, but if I was having trouble going to the next level with a group of people, I would consider throwing a party of some kind in an effort to break the ice.

[ny biker]

Another thing I'd add: Sometimes, you have to be the cruise director. If I waited for my married with children friends to invite or include me in their outings, I'd never see them. So, more often than not, I'm the one that suggests getting together and then coordinates the plans. I do that with my single and/or childless friends, too.

Been there, done that, gave up. It was just too hard to find a time when people could get together, and if we managed to do it, they'd tell me they had fun but then they'd go back to their lives and I'd never hear from them again.