Issues making friends?

[Irulan]

Volunteering for something you are interested in is a good way to meet people. I've met some of my best mountain biking buddies at trail building projects.

[GLC1968]

I know exactly how you feel. I have moved a lot and I can say with all honesty that sometimes it's harder than others. I don't know if certain regions are just more interested in new people than other places? Or maybe some groups are more accepting of new people?

I lived in Greensboro, NC for almost 4 years and when I left, I had zero close friends outside of work.

I've been in Oregon about the same amount of time, and I feel like I have lots of friends that I could just call for a lunch or a drink or whatever...

I'm the same person and I do mostly the same stuff, so it's just really hard to say.

Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of advice. I'd be happy to go out for drinks and girl-talk with you when I'm in town, though! We have an office in Apopka and recruit at UCF, so I will be in the area a couple of times a year.

[indysteel]

Volunteering for something you are interested in is a good way to meet people. I've met some of my best mountain biking buddies at trail building projects.

+1. I think volunteering is good for the soul on a number of levels. Even if you don't end up meeting any close friends, it will at least get you out of the house and interacting with new people.

I feel your pain. As I've detailed in other threads, my move in 2009 to a smaller town 25 miles south of where I used to live and continue to work has been difficult. While I still technically have my old group of friends, it's far harder to see them on a regular basis, and I haven't made any real friends in my new town. It's lonely and challenging. I haven't come up with a great solution as this issue relates to me.

At my age, kids are the biggest common denominator among women...and I have none. But I think Irulan's and azfiddle's suggestions are good ones. Check out your local library for book clubs, too, or any other club that appeals to your interests.

Even without moving to a new location, I've gone through periods of time where I needed to make new friends. When I was in that position, I said "yes" to as many social or civic opportunities as I could. It does take persistence. So, even if it feels like one of the avenues you're already trying isn't paying off, I'd stick with it. It just takes that one person to suddenly make you feel less lonely.

Good luck and hugs to you!

[Penny4]

Sometimes it seems like finding a new friend is harder than finding a significant other! I think as we get older, it's also harder because women are so busy with their kids/families, etc.
Meetup.com is a good suggestion, look for a book club, or women's social group. Also, maybe before your group rides begin, ask if anyone would like to go out for coffee/drinks/lunch, etc afterwards? Maybe there are some other newbies who are looking for friends

[PamNY]

I agree with GLC -- some new situations are harder than others for making friends.

What has worked for me: volunteering, and involvement in groups with a common interest (currently birdwatching).

Good luck -- this can be hard. I haven't moved but recently I had a massive "friend loss." Several friends either moved away or died within a brief period, and this was around the time my mother died, too.

Luckily cycling and birding are making things better!

[jessmarimba]

I'm definitely in the same place. After 2.5 years in Denver I'm finally making running "friends" - we go out for breakfast on Saturday's after our group run, but I don't hang out with (or communicate with) any of them outside of running. My hiking group (from meetup) is the same, and yoga, and pilates...etc. We are friendly at what we do but everyone has their own lives. So I do lots of things to keep me around people but I have no one I can just call to say "Hey, lets meet for XYZ!"

And I really miss just randomly running into people I know around town. Denver is just too big for that to happen, even if I knew more people here.

[indysteel]

Sometimes it seems like finding a new friend is harder than finding a significant other! I think as we get older, it's also harder because women are so busy with their kids/families, etc.
Meetup.com is a good suggestion, look for a book club, or women's social group. Also, maybe before your group rides begin, ask if anyone would like to go out for coffee/drinks/lunch, etc afterwards? Maybe there are some other newbies who are looking for friends

You know, I do think you sometimes have to approach it like dating. It seems a little weird to ask someone out on a platonic date, but that's kind of what you have to do if you want to move past just being acquaintances. Two of my best friendships more or less developed like that.

I met one of these women at a New Year's Day yoga class that had half the room crying because of the teacher's emotional "New You" theme. Aftewards, the teacher had mimosas for us. I approached the woman whose mat had been next to mine and started talking. Turns out that she was in the middle of a break-up (as was I), had just returned from living in Paris for two years (I was getting ready to go on one of my trips to Paris) and was a cyclist trying to get back into the swing of group rides. I asked her out--platonically--on the spot for coffee. We've been friends since.

Gone are the days (at least at my age) that friendships form as organically as they did in school/college. Sometimes you have to be kind of pushy with people if you sense they are friend-worthy.

[GLC1968]

Gone are the days (at least at my age) that friendships form as organically as they did in school/college. Sometimes you have to be kind of pushy with people if you sense they are friend-worthy.

I think this is VERY true. Two of my good female friendships from other locations were made this way. One was quite funny in that we'd met at a 'girls night out' birthday celebration for a mutual friend and we hit it off. We both wanted to call the other person the next day but were afraid it was 'too soon'! She took the plunge and called me to see if I wanted to go for a hike (using one one good day of weather we had before a storm hit as an excuse) and of course, I jumped on it. We were fast friends and she ended up as my matron of honor in my wedding, years later.

A lot of the opportunity to connect with people is up to chance, but it is easy to help chance out by putting yourself in situations where you'll be most likely to meet people with common interests. That's were volunteering or classes are a good idea. Then you have to be prepared to put yourself out there.

Sometimes it doesn't work (a lot of times, actually!), so don't give up. Like someone else mentioned, it only takes one good girlfriend to change your entire outlook on a location.

[Owlie]

Gone are the days (at least at my age) that friendships form as organically as they did in school/college. Sometimes you have to be kind of pushy with people if you sense they are friend-worthy.

Please don't tell me this. It took me 2-3 years of college to make friends.

[indysteel]

Please don't tell me this. It took me 2-3 years of college to make friends.

Well, let's hope it'll be different for you. Obviously, there are a lot of variables. Out of curiosity, why did you find it so challenging to make friends in college? Is there anything you would/could have done differently that you can apply as you move forward in your life?

[Melalvai]

Gone are the days (at least at my age) that friendships form as organically as they did in school/college.

Yeah, I have observed that both for myself and for other people, it's just comparatively much harder to get to know people. Everyone gets families and doesn't have time for friends. I'm guilty of that.

Online friends like us can take up some of the slack, but a real friend in the hand is so much better than imaginary... Er, I mean virtual... something like that.