Dear So and So

[Veronica]

Dear Parent,

Do you really think it's a good idea to let you 11 year old son decide if he should take medicine for his ADD or not? We've been struggling with this for a year and a half now. And yes, he has had some good periods, but then he falls right back into his old ways. I can only imagine how much effort he has to put in stay focused. It must be exhausting for him.

I honestly don't know what else you think I, or your son, can do about this situation. You refuse to insist he medicate; you refuse to look at his diet. What do you think can be done?

I am going to sit at this meeting with you and you are going to cry, just as you have at the last four meetings, because you want him to do better. But you don't really want to do what you need to do.

Veronica

[Blueberry]

Dear Limewave:

Nice job setting up boundaries - I should take some lessons.

Dear Veronica:

Thank you for caring - even when the parents don't.

[Veronica]

Dear Tucker,

You are the most adorable snuggle baby and I love having you in my lap. I would be happy to sit here all day with you rumbling away. Unfortunately, I do have to go to work. Please stop giving me "the look" that makes me regret that I have to move.

Your loving mom

[maillotpois]

Dear Veronica:

Thank you for caring - even when the parents don't.

Blueberry -

I love you, but I think this is a little harsh. I suspect the truth is not that the parents "don't care", but more that the parents are out of their league in dealing with this problem. Parenting can be monumentally tough and the decisions are never easy. Enforcement of rules can be heartbreaking, even if it is the right thing to do.

Moreover, Veronica probably has more experience dealing with children over her years as a teacher than many of these parents. But she doesn't have to go home with the kids. That puts her in a unique situation to observe the parents. She surely knows the right thing to do from her experience; however, it is ultimately the parents' job to make those choices. And often things are not completely black and white.

[Blueberry]

MP -

That's probably fair.

I'm not a parent, nor do intend to be one. I was just reading off of the "you don't really want to do what you need to do." I know enough to understand that these issues are not black and white, and quite often no one really agrees as to what is best. I'm sure it's frustrating for parents. I don't envy what it takes to be a good parent - I'm not willing to put in that kind of commitment (hence - no kids).

I just get really upset by the situations where the teachers seem to be the only ones who care and are working with the kids, and the parents expect the teachers to do it all without their having to lift a hand.

[Veronica]

Yeah, there is a lot more to the story - non English speaking parent, little insurance coverage, the boy is brilliant, but definitely coddled. It's their culture. He loves to read. I keep hoping he'll mature enough that he can cope, because he has so much potential.

Just drives me crazy that mom keeps asking for meetings to help him and I don't have anymore answers. And her crying makes me very sad. She loves him and wants him to succeed.

Yeah, I'd much rather be a teacher than a parent.

Veronica

[Pax]

Dear Honey,

I'm so so sorry that I don't want a dog as much as you do. I'm okay with you getting one but since I'm not thrilled about it... you're going to pass on getting the puppy. I really tried to manufacture the enthusiasm, I'm sorry I wasn't able to.

I love you so much and all I want is for you to be happy. This sucks.

Me

[Crankin]

Veronica, here you could file a neglect petition with DCF if a child was not being given his/her medication.
Does the mother have a reason for not medicating him? Often times, parents, especially those with cultural, educational, or other handicaps really don't understand anything about ADHD. Of course she is probably mourning the loss of her "ideal" child, but if she understands that ADHD is an illness and not a deficit, she might be able to see how medication can help him achieve his potential.
I have seen this issue from the point of view of a parent, teacher, and therapist. It always surprised me when parents refused to consider medication. It doesn't mean you are a failure or your kid is a loser. And, you still need to use all of the other organizational strategies to help the child. Both of my kids were similar to this kid. Brilliant, but with the short term memory of a gnat and one was extremely disorganized, the other impulsive. One took medication for 7 years, and then through sheer will and determination made it through HS as an honors student with no meds. The other one tried meds in HS and they made him agitated, so he stopped. He would have achieved much more at that point in his life, if he hadn't had the side effects; now there are a lot more choices.
I don't think anyone, parent or not, can really know how it feels to have ADHD. It's really limiting, causes a lot of marital distress and firings from work. About 30% of the incarcerated population in the US has it. People think it's over diagnosed, but it's more that years ago, not everyone made it to high school, and there were more options/careers for people who didn't succeed. academically. Life was different.
Don't be so quick to judge. Of course a child's treatment is always in the hands of the parent, but sometimes, a parent really does not have the right information to make the right decision.

[Veronica]

Dear Parent,

Do you really think it's a good idea to let you 11 year old son decide if he should take medicine for his ADD or not? etc....

Veronica

Dear 11 Year Old Student,

I am so proud of how you have turned yourself around since this meeting. I really thought it was going to be a waste of my time and nothing was going to change. I am THRILLED that I was wrong. Your attitude has been so much better, and you have taken responsibility for your self and your learning. You have become exactly the kind of student I knew you could be.

I'll admit, how you perch in your chair still drives me nuts . But it's a small price to pay to see you smiling, happy and eager to learn.

Your very happy teacher

[Owlie]

Dear 11 Year Old Student,

I am so proud of how you have turned yourself around since this meeting. I really thought it was going to be a waste of my time and nothing was going to change. I am THRILLED that I was wrong. Your attitude has been so much better, and you have taken responsibility for your self and your learning. You have become exactly the kind of student I knew you could be.

I'll admit, how you perch in your chair still drives me nuts . But it's a small price to pay to see you smiling, happy and eager to learn.

Your very happy teacher

Dear prof--
I'm trying to answer your questions. I really am. But I cannot find a third characteristic. I've searched 4 or 5 papers--far more than I should need to for an UNGRADED project--and I cannot find anything. Unless you mean that the fact that the two characteristics that I've already come up with leave obvious marks is in itself a characteristic.

[Bethany1]

Dear Cat,

While cleaning up fabric, I realized you had peed all over it. I had wondered why you were pawing around the past couple of days but didn't think much of it.

Out of curiosity since you do this by bed and have a pile of cycling clothes I checked them and that it was indeed a litter box.

Why did you do this? DH is ready to toss you out into the cold because of it.

What's up buddy? You okay?

At least I know why my bedroom smells funny now and my house. Eww.

Are my cycling clothes ruined and will washing them get rid of the urine? I'm heading to Lincoln tomorrow so if there's something via Petsmart or Petco let me know.


The Mom

[goldfinch]

Are my cycling clothes ruined and will washing them get rid of the urine? I'm heading to Lincoln tomorrow so if there's something via Petsmart or Petco let me know.


The Mom

You could try an enzyme cleaner. They have stuff like that at Petco/Petsmart. I'd dump it on full strength. Let it sit for a bit. Then wash.

[malkin]

We did the enzyme cleaner stuff on bike clothes and everything else when (the late) Tiger T. Cat made it necessary. I think he was letting me know that using piles on the floor as an organizational strategy had gotten out of hand. It really did encourage me to keep the place picked up after that.

[Bethany1]

Got everything cleaned up. Hopefully he starts doing better. It doesn't appear to be a UTI as of now.

Dear Public School,

I am tired of you asking for money for everything. Last week my kids came home saying they needed money for their sheet music and lunch for some college thing the day before this trip. This ended up costing me 35 dollars total.

A couple of weeks before I had to buy sheet music for a Disney theme choir show for your stupid fundraiser that charged 20 dollars a ticket. I don't have 40 dollars for my DH and I to give away.

My son came home needing money for nice restaurants (15+ dollars) for the honor choir trip for lunch and dinner for two two separate days that same week. What happened to McD's? While I'm glad the choir made 1st, I'm broke.

What happened to a sheet of paper that I need to sign and give money before my kids go on a trip a week or more before? That's how it worked when I was a kid.



Dear Loud-Mouthed Old Lady,

Call me whatever you want, but I meant it when I said "Geez lady, Shut up because no one cares" after you kept harassing the assistant manager while I making my purchase.

From,

the Lady Who Said What Everyone Else Wanted to Say



I just made sure to get out of the parking lot ASAP because I knew she'd be crazy enough to ram into my car or follow me around town. She did follow me out yelling something I couldn't make out but I was in the car before she could do anything.

My DD said the manager's jaw dropped and he about fell over in laughter as she tried not to die of embarrassment right behind me.

I get customer service and retail, but no manager should have to deal with crazy customers like this.


Dear Nature's Miracle Cat Cleaner,

This stuff is awesome. My house smells so much better.

From,

Able To Breathe Now