Dear package gods:
AGAIN? Seriously? This is the third thing that's gone missing.
At least it wasn't one of my textbooks.

Dear mail carrier:
Why is it that you're able to read the note on the door (the one that tells you to take packages to the office) on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays (the days when I get home before the office closes), but not on Tuesdays or Thursdays? This is getting really irritating.