Dear So and So

[Catrin]

I'm with Veronica on this one. I had to go back and re-read your sentence: "...I could really spend ALL of my time engaged in the activities I love, or with my DH, or our cycling friends. I know this is probably not healthy..."

Sounds like bliss and the recipe for a long and happy life to me.

Roxy

Yup, agreed. This is something that I've been contemplating myself...

[indysteel]

For those of you with friends who don't seem fully supportive of your activities--in a hurtful way--have you ever discussed it with them? In a perfect world, we would all support one another 100%, no questions asked. But, of course, we don't live in perfect world. IME, a heartfelt conversation can go a long way toward a better mutual understanding. If a good friend of mine seemed judgmental of my activities, I would at least try to broach the subject with them before dismissing or downgrading the friendship. Of course, if they continue to remain unsupportive or judgmental, then all bets are off.

ETA: I wanted to clarify that I do appreciate that it's hurtful when we don't feel supported by our loved ones.

[Crankin]

OK, I don't have much time to reply.
While I generally agree with V, I don't have any intention of dropping the friend I originally wrote about. I could say something to her if it happens again. The other one, well it has to do with celebrating the Jewish holidays with them &occasional socializing. I don't see my relatives here anymore and the others are in CA, except for DS 1. I feel guilty, I guess.
My life has totally changed, which is the gist of it

[channlluv]

I don't think anyone has said you should drop your friend. If they did, I missed it. But I, for one, for sure don't think you should ever feel guilty for engaging in the activities you love to do and that enrich your life, because in living your life to its fullest potential, you enrich the other people around you, this particular friend being possibly excepted from that general rule.

As far as your friend's not being fully supportive, I think that maybe, as someone else pointed out, she's feeling down about herself not being as active as you are. I mean, you are pretty awesome on that account. You're probably a living, breathing, hot-cha-cha example of the woman she wishes she could be.

Be yourself. Shine bright. Ride on. You're awesome.

Roxy

[indysteel]

be yourself. Shine bright. Ride on. You're awesome.

+1,000!

[indysteel]

Dear in-laws: I've now written some version of this letter about five times, but I think I'll just keep it at this: I am sorry that you feel all alone when we aren't there for a holiday. On some level, that's sort of sweet. On another level, it's pretty darn sad. The two of you have one another. If that's not enough reason for a little Christmas spirit, then I feel sorry for you. But my sympathy does not obligate us to spend every holiday with you. We'll do our best to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas with you each year in some fashion, but you have to alter your expectations a bit, too. It makes me sad that you would begrudge my parents a holiday with us because you see yourself as more "alone" simply because I have siblings. How many times have I told you that my parents are basically estranged from my alcoholic siblings. Regardless, that attitude isn't really fair to my parents, is it?

Let's just hope Holidays 2012 go a bit better. I at least have a better idea of what kind of thinking/feelings I'm dealing with. But, please, try to stop feeling so sorry for yourselves. You see us plenty IMO. It seems to me that you are choosing to view the holidays through this prism.

[Blueberry]

((((Indy)))))

Been there, done that. No easy answers. You have a very positive attitude!

(if my family had their way, DH and I would split up for the holidays so everyone gets their child, and they have some "alone" time with me - not gonna happen)