Why can't I get mad?

**Antaresia** · 12-09-2011, 07:48 PM

Some incompetent *** almost hit me. I was crossing an intersection in the bike lane and had a green. A car decided it's to special to bother with red lights, and almost hits me, slamming on the breaks and honking it's horn at me. I had to turn my front wheel to avoid being hit, and I think my foot made contact with the car (hard to remember). So I just sit there. And loudly proclaim they have a red light. It's still red, I'm pointing to it. Driver rolls down her window and says "I'm so sorry, I didn't see you". I manage a very sarcastic "Good job", and ride on.

For the next 20 minutes, I can think of nothing else except of what I should have done. I should yelled. I should have swore. I should have said something clever and demeaning because she came pretty damn close to hitting me, I could have been seriously hurt or killed.

I've had this problem all my life, I CAN NOT explode in anger. I want to. Have I been conditioned not to? What is wrong with me? I'm going to start taking phone numbers, so if this ever happens again I call them in half an hour when my anger catches up to my brain and yell at them then.
: /

**hebe** · 12-09-2011, 11:41 PM

How awful. I'm glad you're ok.

Sometimes I think that a calm and reasoned reply can be just as effective as exploding in anger. By pointing out the red light you will have left her in no doubt that she was in the wrong, and hopefully she will change her behaviour. I think that sheer fury can sometimes divert attention from the underlying problem. I'm not good at anger either though.

**Reesha** · 12-10-2011, 03:22 AM

I think you did exactly right. While it's terrifying, there's just no point in getting mad and like hebe said, I think your real response probably had more of an impact. It probably embarrassed her, whereas becoming angry might have just made her mad reciprocally.

**redrhodie** · 12-10-2011, 05:11 AM

Consider yourself lucky. I work so hard to be able to react like you did naturally. I can get really enraged, especially on the bike, and it ain't pretty. It's really embarrassing, and I always regret it later.

**indysteel** · 12-10-2011, 06:02 AM

I think underreacting is far better than overreacting in most situations. My otherwise gentle husband has been known to overreact on his bike to stuff like this. We got chased down by a man in his SUV after DH yelled at him at his home after his loose dog tried to attack us. It scared the cr*p out of me and I was quite upset with DH for inviting that kind of reaction.

**emily_in_nc** · 12-10-2011, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by indysteel

I think underreacting is far better than overreacting in most situations. My otherwise gentle husband has been known to overreact on his bike to stuff like this. We got chased down by a man in his SUV after DH yelled at him at his home after his loose talk tried to attack us. It scared the cr*p out of me and I was quite upset with DH for inviting that kind of reaction.

+1 -- we have had almost this EXACT same experience in the past (I could have written this post). There are a lot of crazies out there. It's far safer not to explode in anger at anyone, even if they FULLY deserve it. Glad you are okay, Antaresia.

**jobob** · 12-10-2011, 10:39 AM

Originally Posted by redrhodie

Consider yourself lucky. I work so hard to be able to react like you did naturally. I can get really enraged, especially on the bike, and it ain't pretty. It's really embarrassing, and I always regret it later.

Heh. *I* could have written this.

Antaresia, you always have us to vent and commiserate with you.

**Crankin** · 12-10-2011, 01:25 PM

Yeah, DH pounded the side of a car that was yelling at me, who was in front and riding inside the white line of a wide shoulder, about 3 miles from our house, a couple of summers ago. I was doing absolutely nothing wrong. The guy almost hit me on purpose and just went nuts. He pulled over and motioned for us to stop, so we did, thinking we could educate him. Yeah, right. DH called him a 2 word swear, while I calmly said I was following the law, which enraged him even more. He was going to "fight" my DH, which was laughable (he would not have won), as it would have been a battle between 2 middle aged high tech geeks. Anyway, the guy had his young teenaged son in the car, who was mortified, and told his dad to get going and give it up.
After that incident, we have not had any more car punching.

**Owlie** · 12-10-2011, 06:59 PM

I'm going to go with everyone else. It's far safer to react the way that you did than to get angry.

**Antaresia** · 12-19-2011, 10:27 AM

I know my fairly un-motivated temper has come in useful at times, I'd like to think I always come out ahead when faced with more volatile people & their tantrums.

Other times I wish I was able to express how mad I feel. This was one of those times, even if it was smarter to just stay cool...I want to explode. I want that incompetent drive to know how angry she made me.

Thanks for listening to my rant, I can only hope some good came of the situation, and that the drive will be more careful in the future. If I wasn't paying attention, I would have gotten hit, and I know not everyone (myself included) is 100% attentive at every intersection.

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