Being married to a cellphone or I'm just a luddite

[shootingstar]

this is only partly related to cell phones--is how many personal phone calls some people make and receive during the workday. When did it become the norm for everybody and their brother to chat throughout the day? Several people I work with spend half the day on the phone with their spouse, friends, children, etc.

I could not function nor focus on a task at hand at work when alot of my work requires thinking, formulating words, etc. on the job. This why I don't want hardly any trivial personal phone calls comes through the day for the all the years I've worked.

Same for him. I know he and I would feel like the other person was "over parenting" the other person with trivial, nitpicking phone calls on planning, personal detail...except where we are going to meet after work.

A woman who sat in the car on our way to the restaurant, confessed she was tied to her cellpone. I said it was a different dynamic with my partner: no need. And I did say: I also don't have children...which in my mind is less of a reason for me to be glued to the phone/worry. I said there was no need for us to constantly consult what the other person was buying at the grocery store....etc. We just look into the fridge, make a judgement and if we buy an extra vegetable...big deal.

Actually when my partner's children were teens, he did not have a cell phone to monitor them. They took the subway on their own starting in their early teens, onward.


I understand partially the fascination to technology, since after all, I do use the computer alot at home after work. But for certain, the constant communication with loved ones over a cell phone, would drive me nuts. I was raised by parents who worried alot about us and were quite strict. Also I had alot of responsibilities as a first born child in a big family. So now as an adult, the whole idea of a cellphone and having people becoming overinvolved in my life, is a big turn-off.

I like to feel calmness and at peace without cellphone callers bugging me about trivial stuff. Fortunately he's like myself.

[Crankin]

Indy, I also don't get the need to be constantly tied in to my spouse and kids. What would DH and I talk about when we got home? I *never* call my sons during work time unless it is of utmost importance. I do Skype/IM (no video) my older son when he is at work, as he has it on all day for work purposes, maybe 1-2X a wk. We have some of our best conversations here, but mostly it's more of "be here at 7 on Friday." I see people on their phones in the store, like they can't figure out what food to buy without a phone call.
Oakleaf, I can see why it would be hard for you to understand why my friend's comments annoy me. There's an underlying meanness to a lot of the stuff she says. I know it's "irritability" from some kind of mood disorder, and I really need my space from her, but we have been friends for 20 years and I have distanced myself as much as I can. She is very judgmental because she feels horrible about herself, her DH has anger/verbal aggression/control issues, and her college aged son is an immature frat boy who had to be bailed out of jail for public drunkeness. Yet, she will say something back handed and snarky about one of my kids. Or, say "oh, family is so important to me, meaning it's not to me, because I don't see my dysfunctional relatives anymore and I don't talk to my dad every day. And there's lots of other stuff, too. But overall, it's like she constantly gives backhanded, even mean spirited comments to everyone because she can't see the big picture or remember stuff. Probably the most annoying thing, is that if something was a certain way, let's say 15 years ago, she thinks it's still that way. Like if in 1995, my 13 year old son did something weird, well, he still would be that way, even though he's a grown, married man.
You'd have to meet her to see it.

[emily_in_nc]

What I don't get--and this is only partly related to cell phones--is how many personal phone calls some people make and receive during the workday. When did it become the norm for everybody and their brother to chat throughout the day? Several people I work with spend half the day on the phone with their spouse, friends, children, etc. I very rarely make or receive personal calls during the day. It just seems like a lot of things can and should be discussed at home after work. To me, it's just another example of how self involved people have become.

Funny, in my office personal (and business, for that matter) calls went significantly out of fashion as email gradually took over. Internally we also used Yahoo IM a lot, to chat about work (and occasionally non-work stuff). Even my manager IM'd me often and hardly ever called. My co-workers and I had some serious laugh-fests when using the various funny animated emoticons and chatting back and forth. But you hardly every heard anyone's phone ringing or overheard personal phone calls in the last few years!

Of course, digital communications may be more prevalent in tech workplaces -- I was a software engineer (now retired).

[Irulan]

There are tons of ways to block people of facebook without unfriending them. There are great resources on the web on "how to". I get that maybe you don't want to unfriend them, but why listen to their crap? One of the big points of Facebook that people tend to ignore is that you have very good control over who sees what. You just have to take a little bit of time to figure it ou.

[Crankin]

I went and searched how to block someone from making comments on your posts. There is (was) a way, that seemed quite simple and straight forward, under privacy settings, but when I went to my settings, the interface did not look at all like what was described. I called DH over and he couldn't find what we needed, either.
I suspect that the instructions were written before the "new" look of Facebook.
Oh well, I will have to get better at ignoring.

[BikeDutchess]

If you don't want to "unfriend" them (which is of course the most effective way), then place them on your "Restricted" friend list. That way they can only see the posts and info that you make "Public" (if you ever do).

[eofelis]

It took me a long time to finally get a cell phone. Then I got a really cheap, simple pay as you go Tracfone. Used it for occasional brief calls and texts. I eventually passed that phone on to my SO, who uses it even less than I do. Last year I got a another Tracfone that had a few more features (camera and web, but I never have used them). I don't even carry the phone with me half the time. During the week I often leave it on my desk at work instead of taking it home. If I get a call from a number I don't recognize I don't answer it.

It's handy to have sometimes, but I'm not a phone yakker anyways.

What do people talk about when they are on their phones all day?

[Anelia]

I like to feel calmness and at peace without cellphone callers bugging me about trivial stuff. Fortunately he's like myself.

We feel the same way. DH had a colleague at his ex-workplace who was constantly talking for hours with hid wife. My husband said that if I had been like that he would have left me
I understand that sometimes people have to talk business and it's ok but small talk for many minutes on the phone drives me mad. Texting is very slow on my virtual keyboard so I don't like that either.
Well, I have been chatting with friends on the Internet since the early ages of the network and maybe this is weird for many people who prefer to go out for a drink. I explain it because I am not really talkative and very often people talk non-stop in my presence. I am a good listener and don't mind it but sometimes I need to express my thoughts too, so I prefer writing.

[spazzdog]

Though I love tech, I get really annoyed with the constant tethering to cell phones I observe... folks walking, driving, cycling, skateboarding, or even sitting next to the person they are texting.

One, in many cases it's dangerous and in many places illegal. Two, it's rude. Three, folks are losing the ability to verbally relate in social settings. Fourth, nobody seems to care.

I write a letter to someone - I get an email or text back "Hey, I got your letter!". I call someone and leave a message - IF I get a response, it's usually a text. I'm sorry, but there are certain conversations/plans that texting really misses the mark.

Bah! Part of me can't wait for the power grid to fail so I can watch people learn to write with a pencil on paper and learn social behavior in the real world.

spazz

[Pax]

My seven year old Razr phone bit the dust recently so my SO and I went out and got iphones. I take it to work and leave it on the edge of my desk, check it every couple of hours to see if she's texted me about something... then take it home and lay it in the desk. We don't even take them with us on the weekends when were together. I guess we don't "get" technology.

[channlluv]

I also don't understand people who walk around constantly talking into a cell phone, and I really don't get the earwhiggy-attachments. I don't want anything like that so close to my brain for more than a minute or two at a time, if ever.

I have an iPhone, too, and I check my email on it, and text with family and friends to confirm plans, but I don't often use the phone function. My mom will call me sometimes three or four times a day just to tell me something she forgot to tell me before...I shouldn't complain, but to be honest, I will sometimes turn my ringer off for a few days. She'll leave messages. Anyone who calls, if it's important, will leave a message. I rarely actually answer the phone. I do return messages, though not always in a timely manner.

I actually use the GPS/maps feature pretty often, but the most frequent app used is probably Scrabble. I don't use anywhere near the data minutes we're paying for, though. We should probably reevaluate our plan soon.

Roxy

[Reesha]

This thread inspired me! I have kind of a crappy basic phone, and I've been paying $86/mo for an unlimited plan I simply do not use. Beginning in January I will have 200 anytime minutes, 300 text messages and a $40/mo bill

[nscrbug]

This is a timely thread topic. My MIL has officially "canceled" Christmas (she also canceled Thanksgiving last month) this year because of a cellphone incident that occurred during Christmas last year. MIL has a house "rule"...absolutely NO cellphones during family holiday get-togethers. When my DH and I arrived at their house on Christmas Day last year, my SIL had her face buried in her iPhone texting...and this continued for the next 5 hours!!! I don't even think she saw her kids opening up their gifts, because she was too enthralled with texting or whatever it was she was doing her iPhone. This enraged my MIL so much, that the next day she informed all of us that she was canceling Christmas (and all other family holidays) from this point forward...because she didn't want to interrupt anyone's phonecalls. So because of my SIL's bad behavior last year, there will be no Christmas celebration at my inlaws ever again. Talk about one bad apple ruining it for everyone!

[indysteel]

Wow, Linda! That seems a tad extreme. Do you have any idea why MIL didn't just address this with your SIL?

Pardon the diversion from the topic, but I haven't read any updates of late about your sister. I sure hope she's doing okay. You are still very much in my thoughts and prayers.

[Irulan]

Wow, Linda! That seems a tad extreme. Do you have any idea why MIL didn't just address this with your SIL?

The whole thing sounds pretty dysfunctional.... but what family isn't to some degree, at holiday time?!