Thread Drift

[Catrin]

((Pax)) it is a hard situation to deal with, for sure. Blueberry, if you can move away do it! I've spent all of my adult life living far from my family for similar reasons.

[lph]

Wow, this brings up memories. I'm dreading my mother's decline into old age, because I'm the only person around who will feel any duty at all to be there. And I vividly remember my grandmother's last years, which were distressing to me because she was lonely and depressed but also partly senile, so even when she did have visitors, she forgot about them within a few hours, and just felt more lonely. And she would call, and call, and practically beg me to visit her

I kept trying to tell myself that I couldn't possibly be responsible for her wellbeing, but it is hard.

[Crankin]

I know this sounds cruel, but we don't owe our parents anything for just "bringing us up." Parents have to earn respect by, well, being good parents. My in laws were of the "we brought you up, but we won't pay for anything else after age 18 variety," screwing up my DH's life supremely. He was called stupid and told he was never going to be anything. Then, when he finished college and became successful, they were jealous and said that I made him a snob .
His other siblings kissed their butts as they spent every penny they had and expected to still live a nice lifestyle. We were seen as mean for not enabling them, and in the end they died destitute, my m-i-l spending the last 2 years of her life in a very nice assisted living facility, paid for by the taxpayers of Arizona.
My parents had no money in the end, either. My dad is 86, lives with "roommates" in their 60s and up until recently, worked 15-20 hours a week. He lives on social security, supplemented by a small check sent by me and more from my brother. But, the difference is, he doesn't expect anything from us. He is unrealistic, but makes it clear he still is "the parent." My brother has had to deal with his medical stuff, but it's kind of nothing compared to you guys. He is still active and his mind is fine. He reads more books than me. Realistically, he could live another 5-10 years, given his family history.
All I know is that I won't ruin my life because of his poor planning.

[Blueberry]

Oak - no worries. I did a bit of that myself on here

I have few if any friends I can talk to about such issues. They're too personal in a way. I appreciate TE for things like that. Seriously. I really value the opinions and insight here.

[marni]

Oak - no worries. I did a bit of that myself on here

I have few if any friends I can talk to about such issues. They're too personal in a way. I appreciate TE for things like that. Seriously. I really value the opinions and insight here.

ditto- I am dealing with ageing resident FIL issues and if they get much worse, I will be venting here.

marni

[Crankin]

Marni, it sounds like your FIL could benefit from some in-home services or at least someone to give you some respite. You can't be "on" 24 hours a day.

[indysteel]

Our newest spammer sure has some interesting diction. Yikes.

[marni]

Marni, it sounds like your FIL could benefit from some in-home services or at least someone to give you some respite. You can't be "on" 24 hours a day.

working on it- hopefully at least one day a week starting in January, and full time in May when I am slated to do a cross country ride to raise money for breast cancer (mississippi river from New Orleans to Lake Itasca (it's source) in May 2012.

Dare I say that I am quite looking forward to january? And to May and une even more. My next oldest sister may be doing the ride with me. She was supposed to do the Southern Tier with me two years ago, but had a double hip replacement instead. She says she is working hard on her trainer and swimming.

Both Dad and himself are starting in on the sullenly resentful guilt trips but I am ignoring them. After a year and a half of unremmiting care for FIL, I feel that I have earned this.



Thanks for the positive thoughts.

marni