Oh I understand this.

My parents have both made it clear that they want and expect to be taken care of.

My father - left my mom when I was 6, was sort of in my life until I was about 8, then re-married and I wasn't welcome, sort of came back in my life after the new wife left him, I lived with him during HS for a summer to get away from an alcoholic stepfather, almost wrecked college and my grad school with his "you need to do for me - I don't care if you have an exam/test/etc..", did the same thing with a fiancee a few years ago, and has otherwise lied to me and screwed me over since I've been alive. He is just over 60, and convinced he is dying (his docs don't know if he is). He wants me to talk to his doctors, go to appointments with him, make financial decisions for him, etc., etc.

My mom - did what she wanted when I was a kid and left me with my grandparents, married a terrible alcoholic (I left home at 16 after 2 years of him), was completely absent from any support role during college/grad school, has always been hyper-critical of me, finally kicked his a$$ out 2 years ago, and now expects that I'll be her best friend, financial consultant, and clearly expects to be taken care of in her old age.

Neither paid a dollar for college - I worked extra to make up for their failing to make the small "parent contribution." I'm an only child

My grandmother (who picked up their slack) gets visits most weeks, and phone calls. She has planned for her old age, and is in an appropriate place that will care for her. Still - I will do what I can for her.

The parents - I don't know. I don't plan to wreck my life to care for them. Especially given that this is likely to go on for 30 years. I didn't sign up for that and they sure as $h1t didn't earn it. I really just want to move far, far away.