Simplefying the Holidays

[grey]

I always wonder how we survive December - where in one month we decorate our houses inside and out, bake ourselves silly making cookies and candies, buy everyone we know a present we hope they will love, send everyone we know or knew 10 years ago a handwritten letter, attend lots of parties where we have to look fabulous and festive (and bring more food and white elephant gifts).

Any ONE of these things in a normal month would be considered a lot of work!

Despite my perfectionistic tendencies - despite the fact that I love to decorate and would love to go crazy making my house magazine-spread-worthy, and love setting a stunning table and hosting fabulous meals... there's this thing called reality. This reality says I am working hard at a fledgling business in a difficult economy. I need sleep more than I need a gorgeous, drool-worthy tree.

Further, I struggle with the materialistic tendencies of this time of year. Black Friday is my concept of a nightmare: crowds and people fighting over "deals" that are not really bargains at all. And at the end of every holiday, we are all stuck with gifts we didn't want, do not need, and feeling terrible that people we love wasted money on us! Perhaps the last isn't true of everyone - I have strong minimalistic leanings and feel my home is overcrowded enough as it is, and I'd be perfectly happy if people didn't buy me anything.

So here is what I have been doing to try to tame the insanity - and I'd love to know what you creative gals are doing also.

-Make gifts, make them early (like in the summer). I also try to make things that are consumable, like organic blueberry jam (we have a friend with a farm) and drying herbs for cooking and teas. I've made afghans and aprons, this year I have made soap and crocheted cotton washcloths. Every year people ask how I had time to do these things - I don't think it takes any more time than shopping does (except the afghans) and it's certainly more pleasant than fighting traffic.

-I may not bother with a tree this year (shocking - but we don't have kids and will not be home anyway) so I'll put up wreaths made at a friend's plant nursery and put the electric candles in our windows. Less clutter, still smells good in the house.

-Type up a fun newsletter about the year and send that in place of handwritten cards. I used to address them all in calligraphy - HA!!!

-Stick to simpler baked goods or (considering I'm usually the group "health nut thanks to being mostly vegan anyway) bring in the veggie dishes rather than cookies or cakes.

-For gift exchanges, I usually have made a scarf or two during the year.

-In answer to "what do you want for Christmas" or to hopefully avoid a bunch of things we don't want or need - we are asking for wine this year. I put together a list for the non-savvy - and who cares if we get two or even five of the same bottle???

[indysteel]

I've never been one to go nuts during the holidays, but things are a bit simpler this year in that we're not--my mutual agreement--exchanging gifts within my family. Many of the gifts that we are buying were purchased earlier in the year during out travels and almost all of them come from small businesses, so while I generally have a problem with the rampant consumerism of the holidays, I do feel good about what I'm giving this year for the most part. I am otherwise not a baker, so that's not an issue, but I am going to cut down on Christmas cards this year. We have already put up our tree, but that's one of the few things about the holiday that I really enjoy, so I don't mind it.

But I totally hear you on not wanting to get a bunch of stuff from people that I don't need and that just clutters up my house. My MIL irritated me over the weekend by complaining for the umpteenth time that I'm hard to buy for because I "don't collect anything." She always says it as we're standing in a shop looking at teapots or figurines of cats or something. I told her the same thing I always tell her: "I generally want less, not more, stuff, but you can always buy me one of the few things I do collect--books." But that answer doesn't satisfy her in that she's afraid she'll buy me the wrong book. "Well, you could just ask me for some suggestions," I offer. But that doesn't satisfy her either because "then it wouldn't be a surprise."

Ugh. I can't win. I'm hoping that we eventually get them to agree to forego Christmas gifts, too.

The other thing that REALLY stresses me out during the holidays is the number of non-family/non-friend get togethers to which I'm invited. There are multiple work and NFP board functions that I'm expected to attend. I had a meltdown about it a few years ago, and now just politely decline most of them. In theory, I'd like to socialize with some of these people outside of normal business, but cramming all that into a single month is just too much.

[Veronica]

Indy you could do a wish list of the books you want on Amazon. Your MIL wouldn't have to buy them there, but then she would know what you want.

Grey I WISH you'd decorate your house and then put up pictures because I bet it would look fabulous.

We do a calendar of our photos as a gift for family and a few friends. I do enjoy baking and since I've pretty much stopped eating baked goods most of the year, it gives me a chance to indulge. I usually make a variety of cookies and bars to give to a few friends at work.

There is always a bunch of stuff I want for my classroom and I can usually get my oldest sister, who refuses to stop giving me stuff, to buy something for my class.

Veronica

[indysteel]

Indy you could do a wish list of the books you want on Amazon. Your MIL wouldn't have to buy them there, but then she would know what you want.

Grey I WISH you'd decorate your house and then put up pictures because I bet it would look fabulous.

We do a calendar of our photos as a gift for family and a few friends. I do enjoy baking and since I've pretty much stopped eating baked goods most of the year, it gives me a chance to indulge. I usually make a variety of cookies and bars to give to a few friends at work.

There is always a bunch of stuff I want for my classroom and I can usually get my oldest sister, who refuses to stop giving me stuff, to buy something for my class.

Veronica

That's a good idea, V. I'll have to suggest that. Hopefully, it will pacify her, but I think there's more to this issue than just a wish list. I get the feeling that she was hoping for a DIL that gravitates toward "girly" or "homey" things. Other than the fact that I like to cook, that's just not me. I can see that it disappoints her at times.

[grey]

That's a good idea, V. I'll have to suggest that. Hopefully, it will pacify her, but I think there's more to this issue than just a wish list. I get the feeling that she was hoping for a DIL that gravitates toward "girly" or "homey" things. Other than the fact that I like to cook, that's just not me. I can see that it disappoints her at times.

Ask for a gift certificate (or give her a wish list) to SurlaTable? Every cook's dream stuff is in that place. You'd have to be specific though, I think. I told my MIL "Sur la Table" for my birthday, and she bought cutesy salt & pepper shakers I really won't use. I didn't realize they made silly things there.

[indysteel]

Another good suggestion, but she actually never asks me for what I want. Even when we discuss how hard I am to buy for (in her mind), she never actually says "what would you like for Christmas"? To her, the surprise is more important than fulfilling any want or need that I might have.

But I don't want this thread to devolve into a discussion of my MIL. Rather, I brought her up just as an example of how fixated some people are in giving, receiving or buying more stuff.

[Melalvai]

I simplify by skyping instead of visiting, and giving cash or donations to charities instead of gifts.

For Thanksgiving my mom wanted us to come over (4 hr drive) even though we are coming for Christmas. I told her no, but we would skype in. I got my sister & her boyfriend to skype in too, from Ohio (12 hr drive). And my brother and his girlfriend were at mom & dad's (5 min drive). During the "get-together" I took a screenshot of all 9 of us and titled it "Norman 'Skype' Rockwell".

It was a lot less crowded.

For gifts, I've taken up asking for donations to my favorite charities, and giving donations to charities for the adults. Except some adults get gift certificates if for example they are starving students! For the nieces & nephews, it's either cash or a present, depending on how inspired I am. This year, they are getting cash, the money in a card addressed to the kid...sort of!
Actual names: Samantha, Joseph, Draven, Morgan, and Tia
Names on the cards: Samuel, Josephina, Dravenia, Morganator, Uncle Tio

My husband, daughter, and I exchange more meaningful gifts than cash. Although this year I did ask for a donation to a special charity (the new trail, I'm on the steering committee).

For me it's not so much about simplifying the holidays, as it is about emphasizing what is important and not wasting our time and resources on what is less important. We love decorating, and our decorations are fairly simple. A tree, a nativity set, and advent calendar, stockings, a few knick-knacks. I don't put lights up on the house, they're pretty but it's a lot of work and wastes energy (my parents have solar powered lights this year!) I'll make cookies for friends and co-workers.

[indysteel]

For me it's not so much about simplifying the holidays, as it is about emphasizing what is important and not wasting our time and resources on what is less important.

That's a lovely way of putting it. I might have to quote you on that.

[limewave]

Avoiding the inlaws.
Amazing how much that simplifies everything!

But really, we try and keep things simple. Traditionally we do 3 gifts for each of the kids + stocking stuffers. The stockings we tend to fill with things like: toothbrushes, hair ties, socks, a little candy, chapsticks, etc. The gifting is very unbalanced. Our parents spend more money and get more gifts for our kids than we do. We've asked them to tone it down (for many different reasons). One of them is that we feel it makes Christmas less special. Anyways . . .

This year I opted to bake Pumpkin Cheesecake bread and passed them out this weekend to our neighbors and friends instead of trying to squeeze cookie baking and delivering in before Christmas.

DH and I usually only have Christmas and New Year's Day off . . . there's not a lot of free time to begin with. We don't make a lot of plans and we have no problem saying no.

[bmccasland]

I kind of miss the cookie baking frenzy that I used to do. But the main reasons I'd bake have gone on, so I got out of the habit.

Although, I know if I offered to bake 10 varieties of cookies, y'all would volunteer to relieve me of them.

[jessmarimba]

Although, I know if I offered to bake 10 varieties of cookies, y'all would volunteer to relieve me of them.

I loooooove cookies. I make them and freeze most, since it's just me around to eat them! There is a part of Ohio that traditionally has a cookie table at weddings - I'm going to adopt that tradition if I ever get married.

I go all out with a tree and lights and everything, because it makes me happy since I'm alone for most of the holidays. But my tree is artifical and pre-lit, the outside lights take 15 minutes to put up (as long as I untangled the lights the year before) and it's worth it to me.

And I usually pick gifts throughout the year and save them. I wrap them all and put them under my tree until I either fly home or decide to mail them.

[GLC1968]

Having a very small family and not a huge circle of local friends really simplifies things. That and having a husband who is an introvert and refuses most party invitations makes the holiday season really peaceful for us!

I will do some baking this year to give as gifts to my new coworkers (probably quick breads - cookies are too easy to sneak a few!). I haven't done Christmas cards in a few years, either. It just felt so wasteful to me. It's amazing how quickly you drop off the list when you don't send out cards for a couple of years! It makes me think that everyone does it as an obligation and as soon as there is a chance to stop, they do. I'd rather just call important friends and family members to wish them seasons greetings. But we don't have children to brag about, either, so it's easier.

Gift giving has gotten easier over the years too, but again, not having ANY children in the family makes it simple. We only exchange consumable or home-made gifts with my family. My husband has no family (to speak of) so that's a non-issue. And for each other, we use the holiday as an excuse to buy things for the house that we'd like but don't necessarily NEED right at the moment. This year, it was a new fireplace and wood stove.

We do put up a tree and some simple outside lights, but that's for my enjoyment more than for any other reason. I still love this season, so it makes me smile to come home to Christmas lights when it's so damn dark this time of year.

[Koronin]

Gift with my family is pretty easy, either I have an idea of what to get or I ask for some suggestions, as to my sisters and my mom. (Other than my sisters and parents the only other person I exchange gifts with is my grandmother and I know exactly where she wants a gift card to, so that's easy as well).
My husband's family on the other hand, well actually it's just his one sister and her husband that we exchange gifts with and I would rather totally end that. His sister basically gives junk that typically ends up in the trash can because it's not even decent enough to take to Goodwill. I'd be 1000 times happier to NOT exchange with them at all.
As for the other stuff, never been one to do parties, ever, and I actually like to bake when I have time, so I will eventually get around to baking at least two types of Christmas cookies and maybe one candy....those typically consist of buckeye cookies/candy, themb print cookies, and a version of blossom cookies (the ones with the Hersey kiss in the center, but I make them smaller and use the small baking kisses instead).
I also like to decorate, but need my house in order first, so not a lot of decorating this year since I'm still putting boxes away from getting moved in.

[redrhodie]

I haven't done Christmas cards in a few years, either. It just felt so wasteful to me. It's amazing how quickly you drop off the list when you don't send out cards for a couple of years! It makes me think that everyone does it as an obligation and as soon as there is a chance to stop, they do.

Thank you for that. I've been looking for a reason to stop sending cards, and this works for me!

[Koronin]

I like sending and receiving Christmas Cards, however if someone does not send them back I figure they don't want them, so I don't send them to those don't send them back.