Bizarre conversation at the pool today, with officious dude. I was miffed that the attendants hadn't let me borrow fins.

Me: "Excuse me, is that your own kickboard?"
Him: "No, I just borrowed it here. Having trouble with your leg kicks?"
Me: "No, timing my breathing, really. I'm a learner, and I wanted to borrow some fins, but they wouldn't let me."
Him: "Well, you can borrow the plate after me if you like"
Me: "Thanks, but actually I just need fins."
Him: "You have to keep a straight leg, not bent. And kick from the hip"
Me: "Uh, yeah. But it's the breathing.."
Him: "There was a triathlete here earlier practicing kicks. And he didn't budge from the spot!"
Me: "Yup, that sounds like me, on the first day of the class."
Him: "Are you a triathlete too?"
Me: "Uh, no. I'm a beginner trying to learn freestyle." (Trying to change the subject) "There's so much to think about. Using fins helps me concentrate on my arms."
Him, totally seriously: "You have to swim cognitively. Don't think!"
Me, mentally rolling my eyes: "Right. Thanks."
Him: "You have a noseclip. You don't need that."
Me. "Actually, yes, I do need a noseclip."
Him: "No you don't."
Me: "Yes. I do." (see, I'm learning )
Him: "Breathe in through your mouth, out through your nose."
Me. "I breathe both in and out through my mouth".
Him: "Oh."