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[indysteel]

Ugh; I must be having one of those days.

So, as I've detailed elsewhere on here, DH and I moved to a small town about 25 miles south of where I used to live in downtown Indy. It's been a hard transition for me, in part, because I've found it darn near impossible to make any friends. It's hard for me to write this because I am normally such a social person, but I don't have a single friend there. Not one. And it's starting to really impact me. Okay....I'm crying now.....

Last week, I ran into a woman that I do know from town. She and I used to work together and were always friendly with one another if not exactly friends. She moved to this town a year before me and had complained of being lonely, too. She had three young children though and we've just never really hooked up.

When I ran into her, she mentioned that she's just signed up for Indy's mini marathon, which is held in May. I mentioned I was running, too, and suggested we run together sometime. She seemed open to that, so I sent her an email afterwards to see about firming something up. I made it clear that I was flexible and recognized that her schedule must be pretty busy with the kids, work, etc.

She finally responded with what basically amounts to thanks but no-thanks. It's just too hard to get away for a run. Now, I'm not really sure how she plans to train for the mini, but whatever. I'm trying really hard not to take it personally, but it just seems like I can't gain any traction in this town. Without kids and without a job in town, I can't seem to get a foot in the door. Anyway, I'm sad about this. Really sad.

[redrhodie]

(((Indy))) You have us.

[indysteel]

(((Indy))) You have us.

I know and, believe me, it gives me much comfort (she says with tears streaming down her face).

[indysteel]

Thanks for sharing that, Crankin. I really feel like a fish out of water here, politically and personally. This place is VERY conservative and there's not exactly a ton of professional women. And I so miss my friends in Indy. I'd see them more, but it's tough. For instance, if I were to meet up with my old running group, it would require a 70 or so mile roundtrip drive. That's nuts.

I can tell by how easily I cry over this topic that it's just not working. The bottom line is that we're going to have to move St some point if something doesn't give. My job situation is a bit up in the air in that my boss is retiring in a few years. Unfortunately, until it's clear where I might land, I'm afraid I'm stuck. Through therapy, I have learned ways to cope with stuff like this. I'm just going to have to get more creative. In fairness, it took a while to create a life in Indy, too.

[Fredwina]

Indy and Crankin - imagine moving across the county
I'm just now getting back into things
I found myself walking the bent almost as much as I was riding it. Probably shouldn't have done (hindsight) or gone with the 7100 (blew the budget out of the water, Probably should have not gotten so many acc.) But what's done is done.

[indysteel]

Indy and Crankin - imagine moving across the county
I'm just now getting back into things
I found myself walking the bent almost as much as I was riding it. Probably shouldn't have done (hindsight) or gone with the 7100 (blew the budget out of the water, Probably should have not gotten so many acc.) But what's done is done.

Believe me when I say how much I admire anyone who makes a radical move, either by choice or force. It 's something I have never had the nerve to do. In some ways though, being so close, but not close enough, to my old home has made me feel even more stuck. Instead of moving forward, I have spent a lot of time just pining away for parts of my old life.

[redrhodie]

For instance, if I were to meet up with my old running group, it would require a 70 or so mile roundtrip drive. That's nuts.

I don't think that's nuts! That's maybe half an hour drive each way, or there about. Plenty of people drive that every day to work. If you need to do it for sanity and friendship, you absolutely should.

[indysteel]

I don't think that's nuts! That's maybe half an hour drive each way, or there about. Plenty of people drive that every day to work. If you need to do it for sanity and friendship, you absolutely should.

Sadly, it's closer to an hour because of where in the city they meet. I do agree with you in theory, but it's hard to make that drive since I make a good part of it every weekday, too. It's a drag, but I need to suck it up.

[Crankin]

I did move across the country, Fredwina. It was 21.5 years ago. We gave up good jobs, a house in a desirable suburb, and a wonderful group of friends. We did it for our kids; and the fact that despite our great friends, we saw the political writing on the wall in AZ and couldn't deal with it.
By choice, and back to the state where I grew up, after 20+ years in FL and AZ.
But, there were still a few moments (won't admit this to many) that I cried, because I really missed my friends. I don't think I can ever replace the friends I made when my kids were in preschool at the Tri City JCC in Tempe. No matter how long it is between visits, I go back and it's the same.
I have 4 close friends here, and lots and lots of acquaintances made through work, cycling, volunteering at my temple, teaching aerobics, and grad school. Some of these acquaintances were "friends" at one point, but our paths diverged. In fact, when Hirakukibou and I started riding together 2 summers ago, she was amazed how I knew people in every town around here, in all of the coffee shops we went in, even riding down streets, 2-3 towns away, people often recognized me and we stopped. I feel like I "belong," in the general area.
However, I think living in AZ, where new people moved in all of the time, and it was accepted practice to go right up and invite them over or out for dinner, spoiled me. When I tried doing that here, it was met with total rebuffs.I hate to say it, all of my close friends are not native New Englanders, even though I am! We met our closest friends 7, almost 8 years ago when we signed up for a ride she was leading. Unbeknownst to us, we had sat next to them in spin class for years at the health club and seen them riding out on the roads. They lived 5 miles from us! They have no kids and our kids were out of the house pretty much by then, and it was a perfect match.

[OakLeaf]

(((((((Indy)))))))

Just thank goodness for my cycling clubs, or I'd be as isolated as you are. I'm not really close with any of them, but at least they're other human beings I can talk to.

Oddly enough, Facebook has brought me closer to a few people who were only a little more than acquaintances before I FB friended them. Sometimes it's easier to open up and take risks about the things I care about with that bit of distance, and things can shake out in surprising ways.

[Crankin]

Indy, I know how you feel. I moved all of 9 miles; I didn't really expect to make new friends, as I didn't have to, as I still live in the same general area. Same doctors, stores, restaurants. Nothing in my life has changed except the location of my house. But... it would be nice to have a tiny bit more of a connection to my town. The people in every little town in MA have their own "thing." Since my kids did not go to high school here (in fact they went to the "opposition" school in the next town) and I continue to go to the synagogue I have been at for 20 years, I have no connections. After 6 years, I've given up. We are friends with the neighbors we share our driveway with, who are what we call "normal," and that's it. We tried going to the Newcomers Club and after one event, we ran out of there. I too, am very social, and it would be nice to always meet new people, but...
A few weeks after we moved here, we went hiking in a local conservation land trail. It's privately owned, by Harvard U., I think, and not a lot of people outside of this town know about it. So, we didn't see the sign that indicated where to park out on the street and we parked in the wrong spot. A woman came up to us and asked if we "were from out of town?" Like, a tourist, you know, those nasty people that contribute thousands toward our economy? This represents how most of the people are. I wanted to reply, yes, I'm a foreigner from 9 miles away, but I held my tongue. Heck, my kids are gone, I don't drive a Prius, and one of my kids (gasp) didn't finish college. And no one went to private school, as do 25% of the kids in this town. And don't ask me about the reaction people had to me when I stated at a community meeting that I could care less if they built affordable housing town homes down the street, as I would be living in one if I wasn't married.
Rant over.

[NbyNW]

(((Indysteel)))

Sounds a lot like what I went through these last couple years when we were up north. My job prospects were nil up there, and every time I met someone who I seemed to click with, it seemed that they were up and moving elsewhere.

I tried meeting people by taking classes, by volunteering ... you name it. I get what you mean by no traction (With the exception of an awesome knitting group I met towards the end). Some places are just like that, in spite of your best efforts to reach out.

It's their loss if they don't want to get to know you. Even if they don't realize it. I hope you can find a way to cope, I've been there and know how hard it can be.