Strange situation need advice please.

[Brandi]

I can definitely empathize with you about lacking the energy to deal with the situation. I'm feeling the same way about my father, with whom I have a good relationship. I can't imagine who hard it would be if I were feeling the way about him that you're feeling toward your father.

I also think that you shouldn't go and that you shouldn't feel guilty about it. You've said that your father didn't want to have a relationship with you and basically hardly acknowledged your existence, which means he made his choice long ago.

Exactly! EXACTLY! ty

[malkin]

Like your signature says: Appreciate the people in your life.
He isn't really one of them. Take care of yourself.

Be with people you love and who love you.

[Blueberry]

((((((Brandi))))))

Knot is wise. Listen to *your* heart.

[lph]

I'll be the dissident and say go visit him. Not because you have to, certainly not because you should feel guilty!, not to get involved. Just because it really is your absolutely last chance to see him and you never know what might come out of it. Not miracles, just a little bit of ease connected to your relationship that may make you feel happier in the years to come. This is assuming that HE actually wants to see you. It sounds like he does regret losing contact, has given up, but his more emotionally savvy ex can see it.

The way I read your post you're mad at him, not indifferent. With good reason! This seems to me your only chance to do something about it - for your own sake, not his.

Good luck with your decision! This situation will take energy no matter what you do, I think.

[ny biker]

I think first you need to get some rest for a couple of days.

Then do what your gut tells you to do. If you want to go, that's fine, though I would keep my expectations low. If you don't want to go, then don't, because you don't owe them anything.

[OakLeaf]

(((((((Brandi)))))))

No advice, just hugs.

[goldfinch]

If it isn't an emergency don't make any decisions until you are less tired and recovered a bit from your trip.

[Bike Writer]

I am with LPH on this for all the reasons she stated plus I really want to reiterate that this is much more for your benefit than his. You have every justification to be angry with him for years of rejection and neglect, that is emotionally very difficult to overcome.

A really wise dear person once shared with me the following...forgivness is a gift to us from God, it's not about the person we are forgiving it's about us and for us. The person at whom our anger is directed feels no pain from all from our angst, they don't even know it exists, they go about their life unaware of the damage being wrought. But that pain eats away at our joy in life and robs us of happiness. Forgivness is far too difficult for anyone to do by themselves. Even Jesus could not forgive, He asked His Father to forgive His executioners.

Whether you end up going or not, ask for forgivness for this person, you may be surprised at the results over time.

I am currently in a situation where I have been betrayed by a friend and my anger had no end to it. It's been consuming me, the only relief I have had from this is when I ask that this person be forgiven. It has created a crack in my anger and I hope over time it will dissolve the anger and pain. It's a gift to us that is free for the asking, no person should have to live with anger.

Take care of yourself, stress kills.

[salsabike]

I think first you need to get some rest for a couple of days.

Then do what your gut tells you to do.

I think this is right on. Other people's opinions and experiences are worth reading and make you think about your own, but they AREN'T the equivalent of your own. You need to get enough quiet around you to listen, really listen, to your heart. That's what will give you the advice that works for you.

[Catrin]

...You need to get enough quiet around you to listen, really listen, to your heart. That's what will give you the advice that works for you.

Yes, this.