Dear So and So

[indysteel]

I've had the "so when are you due?" question before. I just smile and say, "Thanks for asking, but I'm not expecting".

What gets me are the skinny girls that are always complaining about being fat. I figure I have a right to complain, but they just sound pathetic.

I am truly sympathetic to anyone with weight issues. That includes thin people with a distorted body image or those who use calorie deprivation as a means to self-medicate. Trust me; it's no walk in the park either.

[OakLeaf]

Exactly. If weight were self-determined, then Karen Carpenter was fat the day she died.

[channlluv]

You guys are all so thoughtful. Thank you.

I realize body image is all relative. I've got a friend who is tall, uberfit, gorgeous, and when we come off a 12-mile ride, she complains about her pooch to the other thin women in our group (which is all of the other three -- I'm the only fat one riding here). This leads them all to complain about their own bellies or thighs or whatever...I just stand there thinking, "Are you kidding?" But it's all relative.

It's okay to make jokes about fat people in our society. On one of my favorite TV shows, the beautiful female police detective got all bent out of shape because a carnie weight guesser said she weighed 145 pounds, and it became a running bit through the show. "He was right about every one else. Why would he say I weigh 145? Do I look like I weigh 145?" Turns out the guy was part of the bad guy ring and was just calling her fat - 145 is fat - to rattle her and derail her investigation, and it worked.

People feel free to lecture me on nutrition, too. Like my cart's not full of organic veggies and lean meats and whole grain whatever. They had success with such-and-such diet and I should try it, too.

I know they mean well, so I just smile and nod. It's all relative.

Roxy

[ladyicon]

A lot of weight has to do with DNA and hormones. I should know since I keep gaining weight during menopause.

[PamNY]

I really hate conversations about people's physical appearance.

My SO has two friends who make derisive comments like that very often, and it's gotten to the point where I avoid them. Both are successful professional people; I can't think what they are getting out of such adolescent nonsense.

[indysteel]

My point, Roxy, wasn't just that it's all relative. Rather, that body image and weight issues come in all shapes and sizes and that it's probably better in the long run not to judge or make assumptions. That skinny woman complaining about her thighs might go home and purge or she might skip meals to punish herself. You just don't know. Just like she may not understand everything about you just by looking at you.