Happy National Coming Out Day!

[Pax]

Happy Coming Out Day All!

I'm presently sitting on a Marine Corps base. Happy to report attitudes are different than they were 20 years ago. A long way to go, of course, but it is changing.



We need a rainbow happy-face.

The idea of being "out" on Base/Post just blows my mind! When I was in 30+ years ago it was an immediate discharge if they even thought you might lean that way.

Great changes going on!!

[beccaB]

My daughter who is straight, got the gay pride tattoo on her chest. At the time I was a little nervous about her getting a tattoo, but since then I have joined the ranks of people who have tattoos. She is the quiet type and a little nervous about people. But I have to admire that she has stood up for herself and explained the tattoo to people who ask. She has faced some obvious scorn from some of the judgementals in our community. I admire her for being as shy as she is but facing a person square on to tell them what it is if they ask.
There are a lot of people in our community who do a lot of finger pointing. Every time you point at someone, 3 fingers are pointing back at you.

[Crankin]

I always refer to the same gender partner as wife or husband... but even living in MA, where we are (somewhat) ahead in most social issues, even I live in a bubble. Once in awhile I hear one of my (non-cycling, non-therapist) friends say something, not really knowing that it's offensive. I always correct them.
Before I went to grad school, I always defended gay rights, but after the experience of becoming friends with many gays and lesbians, I would consider myself an ally. I would hope that a gay or lesbian client would feel comfortable seeing me as a therapist, even though I am not gay.
And Murienn, you are right about the military. My son in the Marines doesn't see this any differently than my son who lives here.

[Irulan]

National Coming Out Day.
What a great idea. Slowly but surely.

Caveat. I am straight with two gay parents. LOL, product of a closeted gay man and a woman who decided she was a political lesbian (her terminology) sometime when I was a teen.

I find the military comments very interesting as my Dad said that one of the reasons he joined the army, for WWII mind you, was to meet men.

My dad, born 1917, was gay, but even in the free form 70s and 80s he was too ingrained in not being straight up about who he was (no pun intended) that he couldn't truly come out, even when every one knew anyway. He lost his job at the State Dept during the McCarthy Era, when gay bars were staked out and the comings and goings of visitors noted. He cheated on my mom all the time, but "there are no other women" was his MO. So my mom got pissed and started dating women.

Now both my parents had a lot of issues and problems beyond this, and my childhood/teen years were pretty horrible and chaotic, but I am convinced that my father would have been much less tortured if he'd been born in a different time.

The gift for me in all of this, is what I believe to be a true level of blindness to labeling of sexuality. In my value system, what kind of relationship you have: loving, caring, committed is way more important than the gender of whom that relationship is with. It's nice to see my kids carrying that on, too.

[indysteel]

Coolest. first post. ever! Welcome to TE!

+1!!!

I know I'm a day late, but Happy Coming Out Day nevertheless. Your stories are all so poignant. Thank you so much for sharing.

[maillotpois]

When I was 5, my mom married a man who was significantly older than she. He had four grown sons. The only one who wasn't resentful of the marriage (and me) was gay. So I grew up having gay stepbrother and his partner for Christmas every year. We spent a lot of time with them - I loved them both.

The amazing thing was my dad - he had maybe an 8th grade education; grew up in Arkansas; was self-made as a home builder - in the 1970's when all this was happening, he accepted gay stepbrother and partner, no questions, no comments. At the time I didn't appreciate that at all - because it was just normal for me. But looking back, I have a much greater appreciation for my dad because of it.

[Norse]

A day late but I can't point to the year I came out as it was an ongoing process starting around 1985. First, I told my sister because I was pretty sure she already knew (she didn't) and that she would be cool with it (she was and even chose my partner and I as the first godparents for her children). A few years later while we were standing in my aunt's apartment in, apropros, San Francisco deveining shrimp, I told mom; a while later my sister "accidently" told brother because she thought I had already talked to him; about one year after telling mom, finally worked up the courage to tell dad; people at work (have to come out all over again when you change jobs!); and on it goes. I know many people who struggled with coming out, older people who still fear coming out, people who were disowned by their family.... I feel lucky to have the supportive family that I have always had.

I have an especially fond memory of my dad, may he rest in peace, who - shortly after learning I was a lesbian - met my partner for the first time: he walked right up to her and embraced her in one of his big 'ole bear hugs.

[redrhodie]

A big hug to everyone who is out. Life is too short to stay in.

[Trek420]

I'd say I "practiced" coming out on my siblings first. UK's Mom, Duck on Wheels and my brother. They were both very supportive.

I did not imagine my parents would be so upset because they were and still are (though my Dad passed in '03) very active in issues including civil rights.

But it was early 70's. Mom hit the roof.

My Dad remained the calm, loving presence he always was. There was no Will and Grace, no Ellen, no examples. They did not know anyone who was gay (I think they did, just nobody spoke about it). Every bit of info available then spoke of a short, tragic life ending in suicide or drugs, booze.

We kept the lines of communication open, we both talked and came around.

My one regret is that Dad never got to meet Knott and especially sKnott. He'd have loved them both and they him. Mom's making up for it

[TREKSTRONG]

National Coming Out Day.
What a great idea. Slowly but surely.

Caveat. I am straight with two gay parents. LOL, product of a closeted gay man and a woman who decided she was a political lesbian (her terminology) sometime when I was a teen.

I find the military comments very interesting as my Dad said that one of the reasons he joined the army, for WWII mind you, was to meet men.

My dad, born 1917, was gay, but even in the free form 70s and 80s he was too ingrained in not being straight up about who he was (no pun intended) that he couldn't truly come out, even when every one knew anyway. He lost his job at the State Dept during the McCarthy Era, when gay bars were staked out and the comings and goings of visitors noted. He cheated on my mom all the time, but "there are no other women" was his MO. So my mom got pissed and started dating women.

Now both my parents had a lot of issues and problems beyond this, and my childhood/teen years were pretty horrible and chaotic, but I am convinced that my father would have been much less tortured if he'd been born in a different time.

The gift for me in all of this, is what I believe to be a true level of blindness to labeling of sexuality. In my value system, what kind of relationship you have: loving, caring, committed is way more important than the gender of whom that relationship is with. It's nice to see my kids carrying that on, too.

Beautifully said! Thanks for sharing ...

[Brandi]

Ok I am 2 days late! Happy coming out day to all my brother's and sister's! I wish they would all stand up and be who they are. May they have the strength to do it! I think we would all be surprised how many are out there! And how much happier they would be if they didn't feel they had to hide anymore! And I would really like my brother to grow a pair and stop being a homophobe (spelling). My sister's best friend is gay (a guy) and our brother has said some stuff about it that make me not want to be his sister anymore. grumble grumble!

[Pax]

Brandi - I hear ya about brothers. My honey and I had our Civil Union ceremony in June and no one from my family would come or even acknowledge it.

[KnottedYet]

My sister's best friend is gay (a guy) and our brother has said some stuff about it that make me not want to be his sister anymore. grumble grumble!

Several studies have shown that the most vocally homophobic are often closeted homosexuals or have strong homosexual feelings they are trying to hide. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8772014

And certainly public experience supports that (George Rekers, Larry Craig, Eddie Long, Ted Haggard, etc etc, all vocal public homophobes who were caught in homosexual relationships)

Your brother may stop saying such nasty things if you point out that fact.

[Trek420]

Brandi - I hear ya about brothers. My honey and I had our Civil Union ceremony in June and no one from my family would come or even acknowledge it.

That's sad. You two rock, congratulations. Not to politicize the thread but marriage matters. Over the years my Mom and Dad when he was alive would introduce my ex (when she was not my ex of course) and "Treks friend".

The day after we married we went to Santa Rosa, picked my Mom up at the symphony which she'd gone to with friends and took her to dinner. She introduced me to us to her friends as "Trek and her wife".

Well, better go back in the closet till next year and besides, I gotta fly on SWA today.

[Biciclista]

Several studies have shown that the most vocally homophobic are often closeted homosexuals or have strong homosexual feelings they are trying to hide. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8772014

And certainly public experience supports that (George Rekers, Larry Craig, Eddie Long, Ted Haggard, etc etc, all vocal public homophobes who were caught in homosexual relationships)

Your brother may stop saying such nasty things if you point out that fact.

snork!! DO IT