Bullying - what would you do?

[azfiddle]

You might want to ask for a meeting with the parents and the girls to be held at the school, possibly with a counselor or administrator present. The mean girls need to get a clear message that their behavior is unacceptable and that there are consequences.

[jyyanks]

We had a similar situation in our school (my daughter is also in 8th grade). The mother met with the principal and the guidance counselor. Since it happened on school grounds, the school had to handle. The girl was also being bullied via computer but the principal was clear that they cannot do anything about cyber bullying - its out of their jurisdiction - but they CAN handle any incidents that happen in school.

Long story short,the principal called the bullies into his office and they were given detention. The next incident will result in in-school suspension and then out of school suspension and finally expulsion. We had a serious issue in our school that was handled improperly forcing the school to come up with an anti-bullying policy and a code of conduct which every student/parent has to sign at the beginning of the year. Anyone who violates this code of conduct will be punished accordingly.

Does your school have a similar code/anti-bullying policy? Is this something you can suggest at the next board meeting? Bottom line is that bullying should not be tolerated. With all the horrible news stories about bullying, I think your school should take it very seriously. Talk to the prinicipal about the school's policy. I would advise against talking to the other parent unless you know them or unless it's with school personnel who have witnessed an incident. I have found many parents take on a defensive "not my child" attitude when confronted so it helps to have a third party.

[smittykitty]

I'm actually watching a segment on bullying on Anderson Cooper right now!

Bullying is serious stuff and educators are being taught how to deal with it (at least in my husband's school this fall). The Principal needs to be kept informed of what is going on, both in regards to your daughter and her friend. And yes, including her parents, for sure.

I was bullied for a few weeks in the 8th grade, it still haunts me today. And, of course, its mostly girls (Anderson Cooper's programs agrees).

[channlluv]

Thanks, everyone. I asked my daughter how her day went and she said fine. I asked how the situation with lead bully was going and she said okay as far as she knew, that they hadn't acted against her friend, so she didn't see bully girl sneer at her.

I told my husband what happened, what I saw, and he said it didn't matter since DD didn't see it -- it didn't affect her at all. He also warned me about being a helicopter mom, that she needs to be able to deal with these kinds of situations without us.

I'll mention it to the principal when I see him next. I'm also talking with the vice principal about the program she's running dealing with bullying -- I'm recommending some books to her -- and ask what the policy is and how it's enforced.

I'm not really worried about my own daughter. I am concerned for her friend -- the poor girl's had a really hard couple of years (mom has breast cancer, father left the family, etc.) and I'm really proud of my daughter for standing by her friend.

I don't work at the school anymore. Budget cuts lead me to quit at the end of the school year last year.

Roxy

[Roadtrip]

Sounds like you've been given some really good advice. Bring in the principle and if he dosnt respond, then you can always take it up with the school board. When I was little we had a first grade teacher who was very physically abusive to children under her care. She was like a dictator and one step out of line mention you got slapped or your hair pulled, etc. I had very long hair most of my life and got my hair pulled and head whipped back because i asked to use the restroom outside of "approved" timeslots. Another student to had been burned in a house fire had scarring all over his body and he was slapped HARD on the back for something similar, but my point is parents had to rise up as this teacher had friends at the school, but not on the school board and she finally was removed.

As to the bullies themselves, I was bullied in school something fierce, as I was a chunky kid and I guess more emotional or wore emotions on my sleeve. I got tired of it and finally snapped. I found myself on top of this kid and pounding his head into the blacktop and had to be pulled off him before I really hurt him. After that tho I wasn't bullied... Imagine that

Shannon

[goldfinch]

You are good Roxy, supporting your daughter as she helps her friend. I was picked on as a teen for not being "saved," for being brainy, and for being unattractive. Nobody helped me and I never told my parents. Kids tend to be protective of their parents. It changed me for life.

[channlluv]

I was picked on, too, and grew up in a really abusive household, so I've made sure that she's had plenty of parental support (my husband and I both) and that she's had martial arts since she was seven. I want her to have the self-confidence to stand up for herself. That she's taking a stand for her friends is just a bonus. I'm really proud of her. A lot of kids would just ignore it or join in.

I honestly think she's inspired to do so because of the books by Tamora Pierce that I recommended on the Women in Sci-Fi/Fantasy thread. We got them on Audible.com, so we've got this really talented voice actress reading them to us as we drive back and forth to school, books about a young girl named Keladry of Mendalin who grows up to be a lady knight. She practices martial arts, too, stands up to bullies herself (boys who don't believe girls should be knights) and defends smaller kids from bullies, and grows up to be a military hero who defeats an evil mage who has been creating these evil monsters out of kidnapped and murdered children's spirits...it's a powerful series. It's called Protector of the Small.

I've been reading this book, Dear Bully, an anthology of personal essays by 70 authors, and I donated my copy to her school's vice principal today. It's powerful enough that I'd buy a copy for each advisory class to use in their Second Step sessions, if the administration likes it.

We'll see.

Roxy