(((((((zoom-zoom)))))))

My heart goes out to you and Lola.

I think Tulip has good advice. I will say that of the three dogs we had to euthanize in the space of five years , only one of them clearly "let us know" when it was time. When there's guilt and inconvenience compounding it, it makes it even more difficult.

My Measle had fecal incontinence for about the last year of his life - in spite of the smell and gross factor, solids are actually a lot easier to clean up than urine - but we really couldn't leave him alone for more than a couple of hours in all that time. It was probably a bone spur in his spine that caused it, and he had a lot of trouble moving around. His vet really thought he should go, but no one else, no one who saw Measle daily, thought that - not me, not DH, not my first husband who was Measle's "dad," not our neighbors who were all surprised when they heard. He didn't seem to be in pain, and although his walks became very short and very slow, he seemed to enjoy them; for us, the tipping point was when he couldn't get up by himself any longer.

Anyway, the point of my telling you that is that although I loved Measie with all my heart, and grieved awfully after he was gone, it was a very long time before I could find my way back to any really good memories of when he'd been strong and playful. The relief at being able to leave the house once in a while made for a lot of guilty feelings. And after six years it's still hard for me to spend much time in the little room where I spent most of that year with him after he could no longer climb stairs - in spite of the new carpet and paint. And I think it's okay for you to consider what kind of memories you will have of Lola after she's gone, and use that as a guide to see more clearly how much she is or is not enjoying her life.

You say you "wouldn't euthanize Grandma," and of course we wouldn't do that against her will, but you know, the difficulty is knowing the wishes of a nonverbal animal (or for that matter, a human who's unable to convey his/her wishes). If Americans (and most people in the developed world) were able to have honest conversations about death, maybe Grandma would decide it was time. The blessing with animals is that even though we can't (usually) communicate with them about their deaths, at least we can talk about it with other people and feel our way through to the right thing.

Keeping you and Lola in my thoughts and prayers. Your love for her ensures that whenever you make the decision, it will be right enough, and that's all any of us can hope for.