Deciding when to euthanize a furbaby...?

[tulip]

(((zoom zoom))). I've had many pets in my life. When their quality of life declines to a point where they can no longer care for themselves, usually know it's time. But it's a personal decision. Some people take extra measures to extend the length, if not the quality, of life for as long as possible. Only you can decide about Lola.

One thing that I have found that complicates matters is the difficulty in separating the pet's best interests with our own feelings of loss. I had a cat that I got when I was 10 and she died when I was 31. Letting her go was also letting go of perhaps the last tangible connection to my childhood and youth. Wow, that was hard--not only because of the cat but because of the realization that my own life was progressing way too fast.

Another practical consideration is to determine what happens if she passes or needs to be put down while you are away. Have you talked that over with your MIL, DS, and DH? Are you prepared to let your MIL make that call? If so, it will be easier on everyone if you leave very specific instructions and notify your vet.

Hugs,
Tulip

[new2ride]

I feel for your situation, been there myself. Last year during the holidays, I had a feeling my beloved Tiffany was nearing the end. We were scheduled to leave on vacation on 12/31. I fretted over what would I do if something happened while we were away. I don't think I could have come to grips if something would have happened and I wasn't there for her.

We didn't have to make that choice. Two days before Christmas, Tiffany became really ill, she wouldn't eat and wasn't moving around much. I took her into the vet who said she would check her over to determine what was wrong. I left her so the vet could run some tests. The vet called a couple hours later and said my baby was in congestive heart failure. I knew it was the end but my vet asked me to give her a chance to get the fluid away from her heart and maybe she could be home for the holidays. It wasn't meant to be, my beautiful little furbaby passed away later that same day. I was absolutely devastated but relieved that I didn't have to make the choice, nor have to wonder if my brother would make the right choice while we were away.

Only you can make the decision about your furbaby. You'll know when the time is right and in the best case scenario, maybe the little one will go peacefully in his/her sleep. My thoughts and prayers are will you. These little furbabies sure have a place within our hearts. Take care.

P.S. Tiffany is my Avatar.

[OakLeaf]

(((((((zoom-zoom)))))))

My heart goes out to you and Lola.

I think Tulip has good advice. I will say that of the three dogs we had to euthanize in the space of five years , only one of them clearly "let us know" when it was time. When there's guilt and inconvenience compounding it, it makes it even more difficult.

My Measle had fecal incontinence for about the last year of his life - in spite of the smell and gross factor, solids are actually a lot easier to clean up than urine - but we really couldn't leave him alone for more than a couple of hours in all that time. It was probably a bone spur in his spine that caused it, and he had a lot of trouble moving around. His vet really thought he should go, but no one else, no one who saw Measle daily, thought that - not me, not DH, not my first husband who was Measle's "dad," not our neighbors who were all surprised when they heard. He didn't seem to be in pain, and although his walks became very short and very slow, he seemed to enjoy them; for us, the tipping point was when he couldn't get up by himself any longer.

Anyway, the point of my telling you that is that although I loved Measie with all my heart, and grieved awfully after he was gone, it was a very long time before I could find my way back to any really good memories of when he'd been strong and playful. The relief at being able to leave the house once in a while made for a lot of guilty feelings. And after six years it's still hard for me to spend much time in the little room where I spent most of that year with him after he could no longer climb stairs - in spite of the new carpet and paint. And I think it's okay for you to consider what kind of memories you will have of Lola after she's gone, and use that as a guide to see more clearly how much she is or is not enjoying her life.

You say you "wouldn't euthanize Grandma," and of course we wouldn't do that against her will, but you know, the difficulty is knowing the wishes of a nonverbal animal (or for that matter, a human who's unable to convey his/her wishes). If Americans (and most people in the developed world) were able to have honest conversations about death, maybe Grandma would decide it was time. The blessing with animals is that even though we can't (usually) communicate with them about their deaths, at least we can talk about it with other people and feel our way through to the right thing.

Keeping you and Lola in my thoughts and prayers. Your love for her ensures that whenever you make the decision, it will be right enough, and that's all any of us can hope for.

[westtexas]

My thoughts are with you and your kitty while you contemplate this difficult decision. Please know that your veterinarian is there is help you as well - we're a non-partial party who can help you evaluate quality of life and often have many strategies of our own that we have been taught or learned through life experience (since we euthanize pets as part of our daily life) that can help you arrive at a choice that is okay for all parties involved. I talk to owners daily about end of life issues because it's something we don't deal with much in people, and for some people after many years with their first pet, it's the first time they've had to deal with it themselves as well. Give your vet a call, that's what they are there for.

My only other advice to offer is - does your vet offer boarding? Perhaps you can have your sweet kitty stay with your vet while you are gone. There she will be watched carefully and cleaned up after without any problem (it's our job!). And if anything should happen - she's right there where she can get help right away.

HTH.

[Brandi]

I have been there too! A couple times as well. And it is hard. But with our 18 year old kitty I decided enough was enough and I did not want her to decline to the point where she was not her anymore. So when the vet said she was in the stages of liver failure I decided it was the right time. She had had a wonderful life. She was dh and mine's first as well and our sweetest. It was a hard one for sure. But I did not want to be away and have her get worse. I like the idea westtexas gave about leaving her at the vet's while you are away.
Is this the first time you have had to make this call?
All I can say is go with your heart. And remember do it for her not so much for you. Sometimes people will keep their fur friends around longer then they really should. More for them and not the fur baby. Does that make any sense?
Our's actually told us it was time. Sounds strange but she did. I had had another cat that we let it go to long and she passed when we were not home and my heart still hurts over that one and I really did know deep down that I should have done it. But she was in heart failure so kinda different. But she was my first and that is hard if you have never delt with it before.
Good luck and know we are all backing you up no matter what you decide.

[ivorygorgon]

Zoom-Zoom, I don't have much to add here other than to say that, like others, I have been where you are. I know it is absolutely agonizing to try to make this decision for your loved one, when they can't communicate their wishes. Only you can really measure your kitty's quality of life. And like you said, there is so much gray area, and like Oakleaf said, it is really tough to separate feelings from facts and make a rational decision.

When the time came for us to euthanize our Jeremiah, we had someone come to the house. It was a lot less stressful for everyone than trying to take him somewhere (which always stressed him out). I still can't even write this without crying.

My thoughts are out there in the universe for you. What ever you decide, I am confident, will be right for you and your kitty.

[Becky]

(((Zoom-zoom)))

[indysteel]

((((Kirsten)))). I am so sorry that you're having to face this. I only have one experience thus far with making a similar decision. I, too, felt like I was in a bit of a grey area, as Sophie was suffering from chronic renal failure. I recognized that it can be managed to some degree, but after a few awful days, I decided that in her case, her overall quality of life just wasn't likely to improve enough for a meaningful period of time, so I decided it was time. For me, most of my guilt came from not being more aggressive with her care far earlier. I failed to recognize some issues and, had I noted them earlier, she may have lived longer. For better or for worse, I learned a lot with Sophie--as my first cat. I hope to do better by Henry and Izzy.

In dealing with Sophie, it helped a bit when I accepted that I was going to hurt and feel some degree of guilt no matter when I decided to put her down. There was no way to eliminate that heavy burden. That, in an odd way, freed me to focus on her and her quality of life. It also helped when I accepted that, even with intervention, we were likely only talking about a few weeks to a couple of months of extra time with her. Extra time spent going to and from the vet. Extra time giving her pills and shots. Extra time cleaning up after she vomited or had a bad poo. When I looked at it that way, the choice just seemed a little clearer. No less painful mind you, but clearer. She looked so depleted to me. I just didn't see that changing substantially.

Given that Lola's in no immediate crisis right now, I do agree that it might be worthwile at this juncture to board her with your vet during your absence. For one, she will receive better care that way. For another, it put you in a position of feeling less pressured to make a decision NOW and that, alone, may bring some clarity to your decision.

I don't want to tell you what to do, but I will say this: As an objective bystander, I wouldn't fault you at all. Lola has lived a good life and has been well loved, and she's in some degree of discomfort and pain right now. While I agree with you that we don't put our elderly parents to sleep when they become incontitent, my guess is that many of the elderly wish there was a more peaceful and less prolonged way to pass from this life....with some degree of dignity intact. I know others may disagree, but I tend to think it's a blessing that we can relieve our elderly pets from pain and discomfort, as hard as it is, and as much as we wish they could live forever. Forgive yourself for not being able to divine the exact moment that "it's time." It's okay. Really. Please judge yourself on the entire life you provided for her.

Hugs to you, your DH and Lola.