yep, sometimes I just don't feel like riding... so I don't. I did a century in February that was rough... I rode on only 3 1/2 hours sleep, and was just hurting due to that the whole ride... then 58 miles in my friend crashed. Mentally, that ride just drained me... so I took 3 weeks off. This past Sunday I rode a 71 mile ride for the first time since and felt great.

I give myself permission to take time off as needed. I don't want cycling to ever be some sort of obligation. If I lose the joy of riding, I stop until I feel ready to ride again...

as to the bad attitude... I think it's great that you know some of the close calls were you, not someone else... so the question is, how do you change that? What do you need to do to ensure your safety? Why do you ride? Are YOU feeling obligated??? Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves that we lose the joy of the activity. That happened when I began dancing competition... I lost the joy of dance. I quit competing and now love dancing again. It's for ME and no one else.... riding is the same way... some days I ride hard cause I feel good...and some days I stop and take pictures of birds, and flowers and enjoy the feel and scent and sights of the earth around me...

I hope you find the joy again too... give yourself permission to be off the bike until you miss it...