First, don't be embarrassed. As you will know if you have checked out the very helpful links Muirenn posted, we talk about this a lot. I honestly think I would have given up cycling without the advice I got here.

Second, definitely steer clear of "soft." It's not intuitive, but once your sit bones are properly supported, it will all make sense. "Soft" just squishes everything together in the worst possible way.

Good luck and don't give up.