I'm pretty sure the previous residents of my apartment had a cat or two. I don't get fall seasonal allergies, and I'm vaguely uncomfortable every morning now that I'm in the new place.

Dear neighbors:

I don't know if you realize this, but you are not the sole residents of the apartment complex, and other people do actually want to go to bed before 3 or 4 am. Furthermore, I'd like to inform you that these apartments have thin walls and no insulation, so sound carries, and that rain under no circumstances requires screaming like a two-year-old.
And stop leaving trash on your patio. It's nasty.

-Me.