I can't speak for Shootingstar, by I myself feel extremely humbled that you would share something so profound for the first time with us. My heart goes out to you. While I can't say that my dysfunctional family experience was quite as traumatic as yours, I know all about putting a wall up to protect yourself and then finding later in life that the wall is no longer serving you as a coping mechanism. I'm so glad you've found a way out of the nightmare you grew up with. Keep on keeping on. You sound like an amazing person.