Coping with major life change: brings out more of the best of you

[Velocivixen]

Wow, that is a profound question. I could give many answers. I have a very personal fundamental answer I could tell. My alcoholic step father abused me, brutalized me as well as my mother for the entirety of their marriage of 13 years. My silent suffering began at a pre-verbal age. I was afraid for my life, ashamed, humiliated alone, abandoned (my mother took up drinking when I was about 4 to cope). I recall coming home from school when I was in the second grade to two drunk parents and having to be the "adult" from childhood. Family knew, the neighbors knew and I suspect the school may have known, but in those days it was best to mind your own business. He died when I was 13 and it was like being released from prison.
So, how did this bring out the best in me? During that time I learned to hide my true self, my charming, funny, smart and compassionate self behind a big wall. I didn't want is hate to hurt me any more. When he died I really didn't know "who" my real self was, as I had spent so many years trying to please and keep the peace. So...now at age 47 I can say that those protective walls have been long shed and my primal, original essence-the spirit I was born with is alive and well. I survived...and now I thrive. I learned patience, observation, compassion, and a lot about self esteem and self respect.
I have never said this in public. They say to be careful what you write on the Internet because once it's out there you can't undo it. I hope I won't regret this, but that experience brought out what I am today.

[shootingstar]

Moving overseas is major.

Velovixen, you somehow survived and was transformed.

I'm still trying to process some major stuff and know there's more ahead, so don't know quite even the best of self..

[Velocivixen]

Hi shootingstar. I almost feel like I owe you an apology. After my post, I see that a lot of people read, but nobody posted. I hope that I did not "take the wind out of your sails" so to speak. I'm not sure exactly what sparked me to share that particular situation.

I think if myself like fine wine or cheese....I only get better as I age. hahaha! No, seriously, I hope to improve year after year. They may be in subtle, fine tuning sorts of ways. I hope to continue to discover new aspects of myself as time goes on. I think that unexpected situations are seeds for finding out what we're really made of.

[indysteel]

I can't speak for Shootingstar, by I myself feel extremely humbled that you would share something so profound for the first time with us. My heart goes out to you. While I can't say that my dysfunctional family experience was quite as traumatic as yours, I know all about putting a wall up to protect yourself and then finding later in life that the wall is no longer serving you as a coping mechanism. I'm so glad you've found a way out of the nightmare you grew up with. Keep on keeping on. You sound like an amazing person.

[Velocivixen]

Hey indysteel,

Thanks. It is somewhat anonymous on the internet I guess.

[radacrider]

Keep on keeping on. You sound like an amazing person.

Speaking from first hand experience, she is an amazing and awesome person!!!!

[VeganBikeChick]

I also thank you for your post, VV. Mine paled in comparison and I am in awe of what a brave person you are.

[Velocivixen]

@radacrider, thanks. You are kind.

@VeganBikeChick, all experiences are valid ways of exploring who we are. I don't believe that there is one "better" way to find out about our inner workings. To me, experiences are experiences. Yes the actual experiences or impetus for the self exploration may be different but the momentum of the discovery is there regardless. I think that choosing to move away from your comfort zone is a huge step in self discovery and I think that is a very brave thing. I did that on a very mini scale when I went overseas the first time to a place/culture that was different from mine and where I would obviously be an outsider. I wanted my comfort zone to be "stretched" so that's why I chose it.
Anyway thank you for what you said, but I don't think that anything in your post "paled" to mine. Just different, that's all.