Dear DH,

If I want to tape my Garmin to my mntn bike, that's my dealio. No, I do not want the bike mount. I like taping it to my bike, then I don't have to worry about it falling off when I crash. Why it is any concern of yours? I know it may not look "cool" but it's functional, cheap, and works for me. I'm happy.

I will also continue to tape other things to my bike including Gu packets. So easy! So convenient! They are right where I need them and in one swift move I've removed it from my handle bars and it's opened and ready to consume! No fumbling around in a jersey pocket or trying to open a bag.

Be embarrassed. Make fun. We both know that I am closing the gap on you (heh-heh-heh!) and you just can't stand it! BTW: your bike shorts have a HUGE HOLE IN THE A**.

You loving wife.