Getting away from a partner

[shootingstar]

A male colleague at work, was half-joking that he wanted to find a bunch of guys (from our workplace who might be going too) to spend time when he heads down for a work-related conference in Florida (November).

He said he wasn't as keen as to have his live-in girlfriend on the conference trip where she would go shopping, etc. and do stuff she wanted.

I was bemused and slightly puzzled. He's not a macho guy, but clearly has stuff he likes to do guy stuff in his leisure time. Or with guys.
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Whereas my partner over the years, if he wants to get "away", or needs headspace, he goes solo for weeks, occasionally months, on his own self-made bike trips. He too hangs out with men, but he rarely cycles often with other men. Instead it's meetings, stuff related to cycling --both business and volunteer.

I know in his 20'-30's, he went drinking occasionally with some guys...but always from work. But he voluntarily eased out of that later long before he met me. He doesn't go drinking out with guys. It just naturally is him.

He gets along great with his younger brother. It has been/is the closest male relationship he has in his life.

I'm probably on the female side, similar: It's been YEARS since I've gone out with a bunch of close female friends for a "girls' night". Do I miss anything? I don't think so. I'm not a "tomboy" since clearly I grew up with 4 sisters and know/did some "female" stuff. I am part of female dominant profession. But I spend good but rare times with my closest (female) friends because they are far away.

I actually took me awhile to become accustomed working professionally in male dominant organizations. Seems like this gender imbalance existed for 80% of all the organizations I've worked for. You would think I would want a "girls' night" from time to time.

But it doesn't didn't quite exist. If it happens, great. If not, that's fine too.

I haven't quite figured it out except for sure, dearie and I were always GLAD 1 of us had a work conference so that the other could come along for the "free" ride of hotel and holiday post-conference.

[indysteel]

I'm not quite sure I understand what you're getting at. I know plenty of people--men and women--who need/want to spend time with a group of friends of their own gender without their SO. My husband has a close set of friends from childhood who love to get together. I'm welcome to tag along, but I usually don't. None of them are "macho men." Some, like me, like to spend time with one or two close girlfriends; I don't like big groups in general and, in particular, big groups of women. But, whatvever. Different strokes for different folks. I'm not sure what there is to be puzzled or bemused by.

[salsabike]

I'm not quite sure I understand what you're getting at. I know plenty of people--men and women--who need/want to spend time with a group of friends of their own gender without their SO. My husband has a close set of friends from childhood who love to get together. I'm welcome to tag along, but I usually don't. None of them are "macho men." Some, like me, like to spend time with one or two close girlfriends; I don't like big groups in general and, in particular, big groups of women. But, whatvever. Different strokes for different folks. I'm not sure what there is to be puzzled or bemused by.

Yes, Indy, just how I feel too.

[ivorygorgon]

I love my husband (of almost 25 years) dearly, yet I am always REALLY happen for him to go away. I think time alone makes our relationship stronger. I have tagged along on a work trip and really hated it, so I stay home now. I am a homebody at heart, so I don't really like to be away from my puppies for very long.

[Crankin]

I'm more like you, ShootingStar.
Neither of us have the desire to "be away" from each other, other for than the normal work related things. I have woman friends, the closest whom we are couple friends with. I have friends from grad school, which is more just me/professional. Might do an occasional lunch, etc. I have people I know from cycling and from work, but the socializing there is, well, I ride with the cycling people and frankly, as the years have gone on, I no longer am social friends with work people.
DH does not really socialize with other guys, other than sometimes riding with someone. He is the most unmacho male around, but I am not sure if that has anything to do with it. About ten years ago, we belonged to the "Newcomers" Club in our old town. We joined it for social reasons, not because we were new. So, DH went out with the men's group several times and he hated it. They just drank like crazy and he had nothing in common with them. We tried the same thing when we moved to Concord and there wasn't really a connection, there, either.
We both have jobs where we are dealing with people all day long, in different ways. As DH has moved up in the business world, he sees the home more as an oasis. He traveled extensively for years (Mon.-Thurs) and we were apart plenty. People think we are weird, because we want to be together so much. But, it works. Our sons are the same way with their wives. We are both independent people who just like being together a lot.

[salsabike]

I don't really see why EITHER approach would be "weird". Or any number of other approaches to a happy partnership. It's not like there's only one right way.

[indysteel]

I don't really see why EITHER approach would be "weird". Or any number of other approaches to a happy partnership. It's not like there's only one right way.

Exactly. That's what struck me about Shootingstar's OP. I don't get why she found it odd or even noteworthy that her coworker likes to spend time with male friends away from his GF. For the same reason, I don't find it odd or noteworthy that there are people who prefer to spend time with their SO. Like I said, different strokes for different folks.

[shootingstar]

I don't really see why EITHER approach would be "weird". Or any number of other approaches to a happy partnership. It's not like there's only one right way.

I guess...it just sounded (to me) he doesn't seem to want spend vacation time in another place far away with her.

The more I realize: he took a free hotel ride on her conference work trip in Quebec City recently, just 2 months ago. Wouldn't it be nice ...a free of hotel conference trips' exchange among 2 partners?

I know she does a certain amount of business travel in other parts of Canada but his doesn't require business travel. He sits 50 ft. away from my work cubicle.

This past spring they both won a hospital fundraiser lottery of $70,000 which they took in lieu of a Lexus car. She wanted to go on a vacation in Italy. He definitely didn't. So maybe she'll do her own thing... Whatever.