Dear So and So

[Biciclista]

+ a million

And that goes for the years ahead too. I think one of the most difficult things about cancer is that once the treatments are finished, people think the person is finished with it, and don't want to hear about it any more. As far as I'm concerned you're always welcome to share your and Don's struggles with the sequelae of treatment, future monitoring, etc.

exactly. Life as we knew is is over, as surely as it was the day I brought home my first baby...
and thanks you guys again..
But since you're all listening, I have to tell you about the Tom hug.
The first time I got a hug like that was the last time I saw my grandfather Tom Torchia.
The second time I got a hug like that was a few years later when I visited my long lost brother, Tom Torchia for the first time in many years.

and then last night, my own son Tom. how about that? I don't mean that my DH doesn't give me awesome hugs, but this is a different category.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Mimi, sending my love and healing health wishes to Don and you both.
You are one of the strongest and most caring and sensible women I know.
xoxo Lisa

[MM_QFC!]

Hey Mimi - just saw your news and want to send my own big hugs to you and Don. This is a hit but you're facing it together and it'll make you stronger for it.

[Blueberry]

Dear Mom-

I'm frustrated. Really frustrated. I put myself through college without your bothering to even pay the parent contribution, provided summer housing for myself during that time and worked to provide food/books/etc., with my partner's help been through law school and paid off almost all of the loans, and worked for a number of years. You've not been there when I moved (even in college), bought a house, when I could have used a shoulder, or when I needed financial help. Since I don't know when - probably sometime in high school - but even then, it was my grandparents.

Now - you expect me to come to visit you without my partner (because you can't be bother to deal with him despite the fact that he's a wonderful person who has give you no reason to dislike him) to help you clean up the wreck that is your life. Where were you when I needed you? Heck, where are you now? We're not having an easy time either with the economy, and are trying to clean out the crud you dumped on us so we can downsize if we need to. I could live without the guilt trips, and I really don't appreciate your trying to put a wedge in between me and the person I've been in a relationship with for 16 years (and married to for 11). Didn't you learn you lesson on that one after you wrecked my high school graduation?

Back off, and maybe, just maybe, we can have a relationship (though I don't think it will ever be normal, and it certainly won't be the 5 phone call a day nightmare you want).

[tulip]

((((((Blueberry))))))

[Biciclista]

Stick to your guns, Blueberry, you're RIGHT!

[Sky King]

Dear Parks Department,
Why is it that the biggest park, known for a meeting place for cyclists doesn't have decent bike rack? Seriously, there are bike riders who use their bikes for transportation, not just sport and we'd like a safe spot to lock our vehicle (ie bike) I had to ride a 1/2 mile away to the local brew pub for a decent bike rack so I could go on a hike with friends.

[channlluv]

Blueberry, I recognize this pattern of behavior. Your mother doesn't want to deal with your partner because he's been better for you than she ever was. You've accomplished a lot on your own, without her help, and maybe even in spite of her actions or non-actions. She's probably feeling guilty for not being a better parent to you, and that's the source of her laying guilt trips on you. If you feel guilty for not being a better daughter, she can ignore her own part in your upbringing.

I think I'd dump every piece of furniture or whatever she's dumped on you. Just donate it to Goodwill or have Amvets come pick it up or something. It's obviously not blessing you. Let it bless someone else.

I get rid of more stuff like that. It's not blessing me. Let it bless someone else. I wish it were that easy to get rid of the non-blessing emotional attachments.

Do you feel responsible for her? My mother sometimes calls me four or five times a day. She's lonely a lot and needy, but I had a similar lack-of-parenting upbringing. I often ignore her calls. She'll leave a message. I can return it or delete it, but it's my choice.

You're doing the right thing. Stand tall.

Roxy