Dear So and So

[KnottedYet]

Dear Terrified (and terrifying) Bike Commuter,

Just a little heads up, honey.

You are on a street that is divisible by "5". You may have noticed there aren't many bikes on this street, but there's a whole sh*tload of cars. And big honkin' busses. And no bike lane. And no shoulders.

You aren't making a statement for Cyclist Freedom by riding down this street.

You're being a dork.

Here's a little hint: in this part of town, the "5" and "0" streets are what're called "arterials." They have a 30 mph limit, lots of cars, no space for bikes. The "1", "2", "3", "4", "6", "7", "8", and "9" streets are what're called "residential." They have 25 mph limits, are traffic calmed at every intersection, and THAT'S WHERE THE REST OF US ARE RIDING OUR BIKES.

Yes, I know you only know the route you drive in your car, but seriously sweetums, move ONE FRICKIN' BLOCK in any direction and you will find bike-commuter bliss.

Love, hugs, and kisses,
Knot, who drives her car on the arterials and wants your a$$ out of the way because you can't hold your line and you scare the cr@p out of her. (peace, love, harmony, and all that other PC new age sh*t. But get out of my way. Like, seriously. Am I in your way on my bike when you are speeding in your SUV on the arterials? No, I think not. Turn about is fair play and so on. Bust out of the ordinary. Be brave. Seek out strange new worlds. Boldly go where you have never gone in your car. He11, the city even prints up these nice FREE bike maps showing you ways other than your car-ruts that you can use on your bike. C'mon, babe, don't make me more bitter than I already am... I've given out about a thousand of those frickin' maps. Pay attention.)