Responding to invitations

[grey]

I'm in the 30s crowd. I respond to RSVPs because I hate it, hate it, hate it when I don't know how many people to cook for! And no matter how tired I am, if I said I would be at the party I had RSVP'd to, I go - even if it means I won't be there long - I'll stay a respectable amout of time so as not to be rude, thank the host/ess and go.

Lucky for me, most of my friends are over 50. Actually... most are over 60. Since moving out here, we haven't made any friends our age. We've tried...

[roadie gal]

I respond depending on the type of invitation. If it's something informal and my showing up on time doesn't change the other person's plans ("Do you want to join us for lunch on Wednesday? A few of us are going to be at the coffee shop at noon.) then I may give a noncommital answer.

If the get together has to leave at a certain time I'll give a more definite answer as soon as I can.

Formal invitations get formal RSVPs as soon as I can. Sometimes that may take a bit of time depending on my work schedule.

I NEVER do the "fashionably late" thing. I think that's disrespectful to the host. If the invitation says 8pm I'm there at 8:05.

[TsPoet]

I'm on the terrible end. If it's a definite "no", I respond right away, I know when I can't make it. But, I have a terrible time figuring out if I can, so I often don't respond in a timely manner at all. Google Calendar has helped me a great deal.
Guess I need to work on that!

[Jen12]

I respond depending on the type of invitation. If it's something informal and my showing up on time doesn't change the other person's plans ("Do you want to join us for lunch on Wednesday? A few of us are going to be at the coffee shop at noon.) then I may give a noncommital answer.

I NEVER do the "fashionably late" thing. I think that's disrespectful to the host. If the invitation says 8pm I'm there at 8:05.

But at least you respond. Even a noncommital answer is better than none. If I invited you to go to lunch on Wednesday and you said maybe, I'd hold the day open. If you said no, I might make other plans. If I didn't know either way, I'm holding valuable time open just waiting for you...that's my real pet peeve.

The late thing is another issue for me. I was brought up to not keep people waiting. If we are meeting at 8:00, I'm there at 7:50. I allow for traffic, unexpected delays, etc and generally end up earlier than I want to be. I used to go out with a guy who was chronically late. Every time we'd make plans, he'd end up texting me to tell me he was running late. The last straw was when he almost made us miss a flight, because in his words, "we're checked in. They won't leave until we're on board." At that point I knew EXACTLY the personality I was dealing with and that we'd never meld.

It all just goes to being courteous to other people

[VeganBikeChick]

I was also taught that showing up habitually late means you value your time more than the other person's. What makes you more valuable than them?! It's definitely inconsiderate IMO.

[badger]

while I hate it when I plan for a party and I get "oh, I'm busy that day", "yeah, I'm doing something else" and end up scrapping because everyone's "too busy", I'm one of the bad ones for being lax in replying to invites.

However, I don't ever NOT reply and then just show up. I'll let the host know one way or the other before the event, but it could be a fairly short notice unless I know for sure that I can attend.

I'm also bad for not thanking people right away. I mean to, but I seem to just be super lazy/postpone/avoid and not end up doing it for several days/weeks.

[Crankin]

Smiling Cat, there is no such thing as "fashionably late." Some people just have really bad time management and organization skills. Being late shows disrespect in my book. DH once told our pediatrician that he was going to charge him X amount for the time he sat in the waiting room, hours, with no one telling him that they were running late, or a phone call to tell him not to bring the kid in on time. Believe me, the lateness stopped right then. I understand medical emergencies, but geez, just communicate.
DS 1 married a habitually late person. After they were extremely late to a Passover seder at our friends' house and to DS 2's rehearsal dinner, we told him to read her the riot act. We know it is not him! So, now, he tells her an earlier time... and she is improving; she just was never taught that this is important. Her parents were almost called into social services for not getting her to school on time . No wonder she needs some guidance on this.

[PamNY]

I don't necessarily mind people being late -- if it's a big party, that is fine. For a smaller dinner party, a little lateness is okay, but a long delay would be troublesome. It's normal for people to have drinks and chat before dinner, so 15 minutes or so doesn't matter.

Same for meeting at a restaurant -- it really isn't possible to be precisely on time, so someone is going to end up waiting. A short delay is fine.

What I truly dislike is people who come early for dinner at my house -- yes, it happens. Sometimes they are going to "help" but neglected to tell me (sign of a busybody, if you ask me). We had one friend who was as much as an hour early on a regular basis.

Arriving exactly on time is really impossible, with traffic delays and weekend subways being quirky. Fifteen minutes late is better than 15 minutes early. I did have one extremely polite and punctual friend who would arrive early and wait in the lobby until the appointed time.