Dear So and So

[Owlie]

Dear large insect--
One, you're freaky-looking. Two, stop flying into my window. It's annoying. The glass is not going to disappear, and you're just going to end up with a headache. Go fly into that nice spider web near the window. You look like you might be a tasty meal for its occupant (and maybe one or two of its friends!).

Dear self--
Please stop playing with the Project One thing. I know you've just created the sexiest thing on wheels (in your opinion), but you need to stop. You don't have four and half thousand dollars.