Always happy to be alive after a ride - fear of riding?

[Crankin]

I come from a long line of agoraphobics/anxiety ridden worrying Jewish mothers.... both my mother and grandmother were somewhat daredevils of their time/active at one point in their lives, and then gradually became very narrow in what they would experience, especially my grandmother. I swore a long time ago I would not be like that.
Now that I'm a therapist, I see it in perspective and when this happens on a ride, I know what it is and do the deep breathing. When I first started riding , I would be really irritable and complaining in the beginning of a ride where I felt stressed. That doesn't happen anymore, because it's just a cover up for the anxiety, and mostly because my skills are better. I don't get this in any other part of my life; in fact, I am very tough and pragmatic, and usually deal well with difficult situations at work, etc. But, it is hard to fight a mindset where you have been taught that everything around the corner is "dangerous." I've come a long way, despite my natural disability to be coordinated and a real perceptual issue. My "regular" friends think I am a wild dare devil/super athlete, which makes me laugh. But, they were brought up just like me, with no expectations of physical toughness or adventure.
I did stop mountain biking because of this, though. I like being in the woods, but my natural fear (and the fact that I have osteoporosis) made me even more cautious than normal. And I always felt guilty about not being on my road bike...

[Mako]

Hi gabriellesca,

I feel your pain!

Last year I forced myself to bite the bullet and go clipless. I think I managed quite well and didn't fall off, despite people telling me that it would inevitably happen. I was most terrified of not being able to unclip if I came across a hill that I just couldn't manage. Fortunately I was using a triple so this didn't happen very often.

I rode a pair of well worn spds until they broke at the end of the season and I had to switch back to my old faithful toe clips.

Now I have got a new bike with a compact double I'm pretty worried about returning to being clipped in since I don't have a 'granny ring' anymore. I want to switch back to being clipped in but I'm just really worried about falling off, I would hate to damage my bike....plus I don't like the idea of skinned knees at my age

I agree that you should do what makes you happy, and that there is no shame in not being 'clipped in'. I think it depends on what your main motivation is for wanting to used these pedals?

For me I really noticed a marked improvement in my cycling/pedalling technique, which is my main reason for wanting to use them.
Despite your fear do you feel that you cycle better with them or not?

I found that cycling with a friend helped with my fear, just to know that if anything did happen that I wouldn't be alone. I also think cycling familiar routes is a good idea!

I hope things go well for you, keeps us informed of your progress!!!!!

[shootingstar]

I'm one of the rare folks here, who uses toe cups..these don't require straps around the upper foot, etc. It's a modified form of toe clips and easier to get in and out.

I have to no interest in going clipless. Just the thought of falling on hard pavement with traffic around me doesn't interest me. I live now in a city (Calgary) that's full of more aggressive, way more impatient drivers and faster speeds, poorer cycling infrastructure. This already is enough to make me way more alert..to instead of worrying...about clipless.

But I do want to feel locked in to get up the hills in stronger pedal power stroke. So I use toe cups.

I don't care what other experienced cyclists think of me. I dropped that feeling many years ago. I cycle to enjoy and to remain healthy, uninjured.

[KnottedYet]

I must say that I never feel I am judged poorly for using BMX pedals.

People with a deep passionate love for bikes don't judge others for how they express that same passion.

In my experience I get people saying, "Those are cool, how do you like them? Are they grippy?" These are the same people who will ooh and ahhh over a lovingly restored mixte.

People whose passion is competing and being better than others will judge. They judge everything. They'll need to be better than you, their bike needs to be better than yours. If they don't choose your pedals to belittle, they'll choose something else. That's only happened once to me. A cyclist I know told me I was an embarrassment to other cyclists. (I think actually I was only an embarrassment to HER and she needed to find something to be better than me.) She's not my friend and I don't ride with her. Problem solved for both of us.

[chicago]

I come from a long line of agoraphobics/anxiety ridden worrying Jewish mothers..

me too!, well not Jewish, but stubborn German and Irish, LOL!! Me too, as well, everything around the corner was dangerous.. and this is what I learned... God bless my mother, she has done an amazing job with what she was dealt... but the biggest flaw in my world of learning is that "if it was happening to me, it was all my fault" So here's me... waiting for the shoe to drop right... thinking if it does, it's my fault... on constant guard of what I'm doing and ready for the bullet to hit at any moment Horrible way to live, and that's what I lived for many years

but like you, it's better and continually getting better... geez, ya think at almost 50yo!! I realize now I don't have power over most things... and the power I have is for the present. Damn, if I feel fear, I am so good and looking into it, anxiety or not, I get deep down and extract that SOB and find out what it says and move on!!, LOL

I also realize at age 49, that I have a deep thinking problem. I do not think like most people. There are alot of people who think like me, but alot do not... and I am so open to changing that, which helps. I am so open to learning and to listening now when years ago I would just defend and be ashamed and got nowere. Now I say "I know, it's the way I'm thinking crazy!!, can you help me with another more benefiicial way to think about this"... and most people do. I think the biggest thing is to be able to get out of your own way. Accept the crap you were dealt, deal with it, damn our parents did the best they could... and move forward with the ability to change... we have the ability, as long as we have the willingness

That's my preaching the day... now I need to go back outside and enjoy this beautiful day!

[nscrbug]

I have this also. I take a homeopathic remedy the night before and the morning of a ride and it absolutely reduces my ride anxiety. It's like Valium without the drug haze.

My ride anxiety is not from riding clipless (been doing that for years), but from NYC riding - potholes, jerks in cars, on bicycles or on foot, going up and down the ramp on the GWB, as well as being anxious about my energy levels for the ride ahead.

I too, suffer from this type of anxiety. Especially the "energy level" part. I constantly worry and stress out over how I will feel over the course of a long ride. I deal with a lot of pain issues and the question that always sits in the back of my head before embarking on any ride is...how much pain will I be in on today's ride? I also get extremely anxious when I don't know where I am or how to get home. Happened on this morning's ride...we took a slightly different route on the way home and none of the road names were familiar to me...I started to panic a bit, not really knowing how to get back to some of the more "familiar" roads...but eventually we did stumble onto a road that we knew and got home just fine.

[gabriellesca]

WOWOWOWOW - THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE! for your thoughtful advice and support. It means so much.

I LOVE my pedals - LOVE them. I love the control, the extra sense of power, and feeling 'one' with my bike. Its hard for me to really tell when this fear began because I was always a little sick to my stomach before a team ride. When I trained for the century in 2008, I rode in toe clips that were very lose on my left foot so I could always easily pull my left foot out quickly when I needed to. But I always felt nervous - riding that way was so new to me. And I always had the backup of the team. I was never expected to have to know how to fix a flat or my bike, or call cab - I had the sag wagon. My coach or mentor would usually ride with me - tell me what to do, when to go, etc. So I always had someone watching out for me.

Then after the ride I actually got sick with mono 2x in one year - so I didn't ride the whole of 2009 and then in 2010 I got back on the bike with clipless pedals and new shoes. But riding on my own. And I admit it, please don't yell at me, but I've never learned how to fix a flat, or a broken bike, etc. I have dropped my chain 2x and was very proud I didn't panic and was able to stop and clip out and fix my chain. I know I need to learn - but I always carry cash and my phone and have the numbers of local cabs programmed in.

My fear isn't a flat or a broken bike - I think its the fear of traffic, getting hit, or even just losing my balance on my own. One time when I was riding with the team I made the mistake of looking backward to see if they were coming because I was lost and a fell off the bike. I was in my sneakers and I didn't pull out in time. So I think the fear is really more about balance and traffic and then the pedals. Yesterday when I was coming down a big hill - just barely hitting 21mph, I do get very nervous. And when I was on the team I would also get nervous. Its fun as heck but 21 mph - I just feel like my balance is so iffy. I just don't feel great with balance most of the time. And with the pedals and traffic it just makes me very fearful of getting hit or getting in an accident.

I don't have any friends I can ride with. I have found a few meetup groups around me - and I really need to look into joining one of their groups - but they do 35 mile rides at 12 mph and I'm afraid 35 might be a bit much for me. I have a friend who is a serious cyclist who is moving back near me next year and we have plans to ride together and train for some rides. But I think you guys are right that it would help.

I didn't like riding in my sneakers with the pain on the bottom of my feet. I don't worry about impressing anyone. I really love my pedals and shoes - its just more about traffic and my balance. (If my ankle continues to act up like it has the last few weeks I may have to find other alternatives.)

I went and got a little mirror that is inset to the bottom of my handlebars and that helps because then I can see when traffic is approaching. But I'm still fearful of others. Yesterday I was riding and an older woman was hovering behind me, waiting for a moment to pass me safely, but then she honked 3 times when she did pass and it scared the crap out of me. (WHY do they do that?) So its drivers and my reaction to them that scares me more than anything. And my balance - I just never feel as though I'm all that balanced and secure.

You guys ROCK! I love love the different levels of support and experience and expertise on the site.

So advice on balance and the fear of being in an accident or hit? I'm not sure where it comes from. I do know that when I was on a team ride one time one rider who was new to clipless was riding up a hill and had to slow down because there was a red light but she didn't clip out in time because she was going up the hill so slowly and she fell over INTO a car. That REALLY effected me. She was fine but we were all really frightened by the experience (how to clip out on a steep hill when you're going slowly is a whole other post - scarrrrrrrry).

[Owlie]

First, if it'll make you feel better, learn how to fix a flat. There's tons of ways to go about doing it (YouTube, books, classes...), and practice it. It's something you should learn, and even if you never use it on the road, you at least know that you *can* fix it. At any rate, it'll save you money because you won't have to go to the LBS to have them change it.

About the roads...when I lived in Cleveland, I was pretty much forced to ride in fairly urban areas. I rode at non-peak traffic hours (during the day and early morning on weekends). Ride defensively and predictably, with a mirror if you so choose. Be visible. Take as many preventative measures as you can, but remember that most people really don't want to hit you. Get out there and enjoy your ride!

Keep riding. Your balance and confidence will improve with time.

[chicago]

learn how to fix a flat, fix your chain, repair your chain if it breaks... take a bike maintenance class, I did!! It's a great confidence booster. I ride alone all the time... 80 mile trips, out on bare roads alone. I am, at times, afraid a little... but I know... if my bike breaks beyond repair, I have money and a phone. If it's fixable, I can fix it

I had just got out of a relationship 6mo earlier to a very smart cyclist. I didn't need to know how to fix a flat, I had him After we split, I swore to never depend on anyone again for my bike stuff... except the hard stuff. I signed for a bike maintenance class to learn how to fix a flat, fix my chain, tweak my derailer(sp), etc, etc.

I signed up for the class... the only female in the class... being single again, I was feeling powerful, glad to be back on my own. I swore off relationships... I was done.

Guess who I'm now engaged to... the bike maintenance teacher, LOL!!

You just never know what you're gonna get by wanting to learn new things... might turn into a double winner, like mine

[OakLeaf]

LCI courses cover bike maintenance, too ... you could make progress on addressing both your fears in one weekend.

Search by state here: http://www.bikeleague.org/programs/e...e_schedule.php

[indysteel]

Chicago, that is an awesome story! Congrats! May the two of you enjoy many happy years together...riding and repairing bikes!!!

[OakLeaf]

One thing that will definitely be covered in any skills course - looking at the ground is a sure way to wind up on it, and that's never more true than at low speed. Keep your gaze up, only glance down periodically to check the surface. It's a huge temptation when you're feeling uncertain, and definitely something I deal with on the moto. Until you find a course, find a nice smooth swath of grass to practice low-speed drills on - a school athletic field, or maybe you have a lawn - somewhere that falling over won't hurt much, if at all, there are no cars, and you can test moves that you wouldn't be confident enough to try on the road.

[gabriellesca]

Thanks Oak - that's a great point. Because of a disability with my ankle, when I walk I have to watch where I'm going - mostly because my balance isn't secure. Which is why, I think balance is a big deal to me on the bike. But this does help. I don't know how often I look down at the pavement but this is a good thing for me to be aware of.

Chicago - LOVE LOVE that story. I should take a class - I will look at the link - thanks Oak.

Maybe just taking the time to take the course and talk to them and get their feedback on balance and traffic and clipping in and out, etc will help my fear!

[wannaduacentury]

Do you love your clipless pedals?

Are they worth it to you?

I ditched mine. While I thought they were fun, they interfered too much with my riding. I'm much happier without them.

I don't use them either and plan to take them off my shoes. My pedals have clips on one side and flat on the other. I just don't like being clipped in and want to be able to put my foot down instantly if the need arises. Jenn

[Marquise]

Great thread! I have more general anxiety than I need when cycling and in many other activities but not as bad as some have indicated. I abandoned clipless pedals last summer after a couple of falls when I was starting out but tried them again about a month later and stuck with them. I got more and more comfortable with them but didn't lose the nervousness and the feeling that eventually I'd fall again. It's better this year and I think about the potential for trouble less and less. Confidence grows with experience. For me, it was a matter of knowing I wanted to use them so I tolerate the anxiety, which has by no means disappeared completely. Maybe someday. Nice to have options.