Always happy to be alive after a ride - fear of riding?

[Crankin]

I come from a long line of agoraphobics/anxiety ridden worrying Jewish mothers.... both my mother and grandmother were somewhat daredevils of their time/active at one point in their lives, and then gradually became very narrow in what they would experience, especially my grandmother. I swore a long time ago I would not be like that.
Now that I'm a therapist, I see it in perspective and when this happens on a ride, I know what it is and do the deep breathing. When I first started riding , I would be really irritable and complaining in the beginning of a ride where I felt stressed. That doesn't happen anymore, because it's just a cover up for the anxiety, and mostly because my skills are better. I don't get this in any other part of my life; in fact, I am very tough and pragmatic, and usually deal well with difficult situations at work, etc. But, it is hard to fight a mindset where you have been taught that everything around the corner is "dangerous." I've come a long way, despite my natural disability to be coordinated and a real perceptual issue. My "regular" friends think I am a wild dare devil/super athlete, which makes me laugh. But, they were brought up just like me, with no expectations of physical toughness or adventure.
I did stop mountain biking because of this, though. I like being in the woods, but my natural fear (and the fact that I have osteoporosis) made me even more cautious than normal. And I always felt guilty about not being on my road bike...

[chicago]

I come from a long line of agoraphobics/anxiety ridden worrying Jewish mothers..

me too!, well not Jewish, but stubborn German and Irish, LOL!! Me too, as well, everything around the corner was dangerous.. and this is what I learned... God bless my mother, she has done an amazing job with what she was dealt... but the biggest flaw in my world of learning is that "if it was happening to me, it was all my fault" So here's me... waiting for the shoe to drop right... thinking if it does, it's my fault... on constant guard of what I'm doing and ready for the bullet to hit at any moment Horrible way to live, and that's what I lived for many years

but like you, it's better and continually getting better... geez, ya think at almost 50yo!! I realize now I don't have power over most things... and the power I have is for the present. Damn, if I feel fear, I am so good and looking into it, anxiety or not, I get deep down and extract that SOB and find out what it says and move on!!, LOL

I also realize at age 49, that I have a deep thinking problem. I do not think like most people. There are alot of people who think like me, but alot do not... and I am so open to changing that, which helps. I am so open to learning and to listening now when years ago I would just defend and be ashamed and got nowere. Now I say "I know, it's the way I'm thinking crazy!!, can you help me with another more benefiicial way to think about this"... and most people do. I think the biggest thing is to be able to get out of your own way. Accept the crap you were dealt, deal with it, damn our parents did the best they could... and move forward with the ability to change... we have the ability, as long as we have the willingness

That's my preaching the day... now I need to go back outside and enjoy this beautiful day!