Living a good enough life: being more comfortable with achievements

[Crankin]

Catrin, I think you and I are somewhat similar. I feel very risk averse compared to many people on TE, yet my friends think I am a crazy risk taker. I feel that my world has become somewhat narrow compared to some. I vacillate; there are some things I want to do, but I am stuck. I depend totally on DH for my income now, which, as I said before, is most unlike me! It has allowed me to change careers, but... today I am going on my second interview for a job that pays, well, about $35K. My last paid job was about 75K. I know I shouldn't find my self worth in my salary, but, to me, money is power in some sense. And independence. On the other hand, many saw me going back to school as a great risk taking adventure, but to me, school is very safe and comfortable. I've been in school since I was 3 years old!
I was pretty "wild" as a teen and I think my risk averse stance is somewhat of a rebellion against this. Also, I have had to fight my strong familial trend to be afraid of everything. I also think that the acceleration of technology has increased my risk aversion... hard to explain, but I feel like with everything being so connected and everyone using devices that I don't have or use, it makes me want to crawl into a corner and read my books!
But secretly, I want to do a lot of stuff, but it's like I don't have the will.
I've never been one to "follow the rules," so who knows where the future will lead.

[grey]

I get this!
At my age (late 30's) many of my friends/peers are still trying to climb the ladder in their careers. I'm trying to figure out how to climb back down the ladder and do as little work as possible yet still make money.

I do my very best at work and try to turn out the best work I can. I also watch the stress-o-meter. If things aren't fun and are causing too much stress- I don't do it anymore (well, not work because I love my job- but in other areas of life).

Life is too short. I always think about my father who worked SO hard his whole life, then died at 54, right before retirement. All that stress and hard work and he didn't get to enjoy life at a slower pace.
I want to enjoy life as much as possible, while still saving for retirement, still working at paying off the house, but still playing and doing the things I love as much as I possibly can. We only get one shot at this, and I'm OK with being on my deathbed and not having won Teacher of the Year, or having 3 degrees or being a CEO. I'm good with having taught thousands of kids and trying to have been a chippy, pleasant, kind-hearted person.

+1
I'm 34. I've not made much money since I left employment to go the self-employment route 8 years ago (marketing and graphic design, publications). However, my life is better. It's not so stressful. I've made money at times to allow my husband to cross into self-employment as well (he spent 8 years as a special ed teacher, oy! Now he's a home remodeler), and he's doing quite well. It has bothered me that I don't make half the income for our household, but I came to realize that what I do, and continue to do, is very important.
If I had remained employed, we would not have had time to buy a couple of rentals. One of those houses we wouldn't have found if I had not been watching the listings every day, and beaten everyone else to the deal. If I were employed, I wouldn't have known the lady selling the other rental, and again, gotten a deal. If I were employed, I wouldn't have seen a way out of debt for us. And now, as we're trying to get closer to our dream of being off the grid, of opening up a small cottage-style vacation spot, I've had the time to be able to work part time for B&B's, garden centers, organic restaurants, etc that gains me experience in all the things we want to offer at our little getaway. I garden organically, because I want a HUGE organic garden in that little vacation spot. I want, instead of making big breakfasts, to be serving HUGE Mediterranean-style dinners where the wine and conversation flow. So I keep working at recipes, making my own up, perfecting classics, and getting better and faster at large meals.
We are not wealthy. We've never made more than 45k in a year. But we've made it work, we're building up our savings, I'm home enough that I can make sure we eat really well & handle details and life's little crisis'. We both work HARD, just because I don't make much in dollars doesn't mean I don't contribute, and some days I have to remind myself of WHY a full time job for me wouldn't work for us, even if the money might be nice. I've tried to go back twice, and the results were just terrible: misery, work-induced poor eating habits, high stress, a messy house, never seeing the hubs and a dog that just couldn't handle me being away. I am where I should be.

[smilingcat]

Just my 2 cents.

For those who are mega rich, their seems to be Midas complex at work. A hoarding behavior but unlike regular hoarders who hoard everything, newspaper, magazines, trash, animals, instead they hoard money.

These hoarders seems very much a high functioning both socially and economically (they got $$). And no matter how much they have, they are missing something in their lives and make it up in $$. More money you have, you can almost buy your way out of misery or sadness. But it doesn't quite do it. So they keep on accumulating more $$.

Bigger house,
bigger plane or Learjet,
faster and more expensive car...
Hermes, Tiffany's...

Sad part is I've seen too many executives whose family life is in shambles. divorced 3, 4 even 5 times. Very common. Their kids or wives in drug rehab or in/out of jail. Very common. Something is missing. Absentee spouse does not lend to a happy functional family.

Living a good life is not about having $$$ its about quality of life and putting what is important to you first.

I've been forced into an early retirement. Did take a short term stint as an engineering manager but gave it up after only 5 month. Gave my job to someone who really needed a job and had been out of work for 2+ years. His wife was so grateful. I'm truly happy to get them out of a funk. It means a lot to me. Employer was very happy with my replacement, husband is happy so is his family and me too.

I don't regret giving up the job. It was a permanent position but it just was not for me.

The early retirement is allowing me to pursue things that's really important to me, environment.

solar cells for electricity
solar power to heat and cool your house. It's lot cheaper than solar cell/electricity.
CO2 sequestering technology and no you don't need to liquify CO2 and pump into old well.
and on and on...

I've been at it for a while and will continue to do so. Some are low tech solution and can be done without $$.

I'm happy that I've given up the high tech career. 30years is too long.
I am doing things which means a lot to me personally. This, is a very good life. I don't think we should say "good enough life" we should say, "life you dreamed of"

wish everyone well. I wish everyone to find their nirvana.

[Crankin]

Smiling Cat, you sound like you are doing cool stuff.
I hope I didn't sound money obsessed... I am certainly not at the Lear jet level of life, but when I was thinking about people I know with that kind of money, it seems like I know quite a few who are so happy and subtle about it and I wonder what the difference is. I live in a community with some very wealthy people. In the typical New England way, they are modest, often giving huge amounts to philanthropic causes, and into environmental causes.
I know money doesn't buy happiness, but it does make things easier at a certain level. I think it's disingenuous to say otherwise. My parents went from solidly very upper middle class to worrying about how they were going to pay for basics when I was a teen; that was not fun.
I just wonder what the basic personality is that allows someone to not go crazy in the way you described when a person is very wealthy.

[ridebikeme]

What a great thread! I've enjoyed reading everyones posts, and for many of you actually feel the compassion that you have for your lives, family and career choice(s).

I have always had jobs that I truly enjoyed...that was actually a promise that I made myself as I graduated with my BS many years ago.For some reason, it just didn't make sense to go to a job where one made a lot of money, and on the other hand, hated every minute of it. With that promise, I've also put myself in a situation where the pay scale is very low, and it's very likely that I will not ever be able to retire.

In the early 90's, I started work in the bike industry and truly loved it! I took as many classes as I could, worked for a great shop with lots of guidance both on the mechanical side of things but also in the training area as well. Needless to say, I found what I am truly passionate about. Since then, I've continued to gain experience, managed a small shop and finally bought that same shop. So 19 years later, I'm truly enjoying going to work every day. That isn't to say that life is all roses, the economy has definitely taken its toll and many have moved out of this area. And it also means that I took all of my savings to purchase the shop.

The area that I live in is an outdoor paradise! I also realize that with that luxury, it also means that it's difficult to earn a living regardless of what your career choice might be. And although I knew all of this, I still decided to make the decision to buy the shop. I knew that I could live simple and enjoy the great outdoors. How much better can life be when you can walk out your front door at anytime of the year and ride either on the road or off, backpack, ski, snowshoe, kayak etc... you get the picture. And one of the best features is as I go to bed each night, I can hear the river and the sound puts me to sleep.

[grey]

I just wonder what the basic personality is that allows someone to not go crazy in the way you described when a person is very wealthy.

I think it's a mindset. Either you are happy with who you are, and with life, or you are not. I've seen many people who are unhappy with their lives try to fill it with "things" that buy momentary happiness. I know how I like getting a little package in the mail once in a while (new jersey! Yippee!), what if I had the money to do that every day? I have a friend like this - he spends like crazy, and yet deep inside is one of the saddest, most miserably unhappy people you'll meet. He thinks I am crazy for not wanting to keep doing work I hate - if it makes money, that's the important thing, I should just suck it up and do it. My thought is the opposite, life is too short to hate what you do. Life is beautiful, if you let it be.

Meanwhile, I have other friends & family who have worked hard, and invested carefully to get their millions. They don't spend lavishly except where they feel it counts. My parents like a certain part of Nova Scotia, so it made sense to buy an (adorable!) house there, since they want to spend 3 months of the year there in retirement. Mom *could* walk around in $1k shoes but that's not important to her. Others I have seen spend it where they think it counts, but not always on flashy cars or fancy houses. These people are happy with who they are - and they made money while being happy, not by being miserable and needing to compensate.

I was in that trap also, with one of my corporate jobs. It was close to the mall, it was so easy after a bad morning to go to the mall, and find a little something to make my day better. That's the trap. You think more money will make you happier. Happiness doesn't stem from money, not one iota.

We're also working toward being off-grid. Lots of work, but it's so fun!