Does your significant other...

[PamNY]

This is definitely an issue in my life, and it's not just the SO -- it's the friends he prefers as well.

I've simply started to develop my own social life with people who are more outdoorsy/active. Luckily I like hiking, camping and biking by myself.

[soprano]

I think that it's good to have independent interests, hobbies, etc. To be really open and honest, when I hear someone say something like "I wouldn't date a girl who didn't ride with me" or "I couldn't date a Republican" I worry about that person. People change as they grow. What happens when your partner moves on to a new sport, hobby, religion, political party, etc? I'm not saying that a couple shouldn't have strong common interests. However, it's good to have a relationship with a broader foundation than that.

My husband and I are both what I would call generally active people. We like doing things like taking long walks or doing yardwork together. When we bought our house, we made sure to buy into a walkable neighborhood. We enjoy hiking and camping together, but long hours at work for both of us means that we don't get to hike or camp nearly enough. We've been married for 6 years now. About 18 months ago, he was seriously injured in a fall. He's made an amazing recovery. He was initially told that he would never be able to hike again, but we've been out 5 or 6 times now! I think that it is unrealistic to expect that he will ever go touring with me. I'm also getting into backpacking, probably another no-go for him. However, our relationship has never revolved around specific activities, and while we both hate it that he can't do this stuff with me, we deal with it and enjoy other things.

I'm leaving soon on a 6 week, solo tour, and I cannot believe how many people have come down on me for going alone, and on him for not going with me. He would love to go. Camping on a long-distance trip would be right up his alley. But he can't, because of his injury. And when I think about it, I become furious at the people who guilt him about not coming along - people who should know better (I'm looking at you, Mom).

I've simply started to develop my own social life with people who are more outdoorsy/active. Luckily I like hiking, camping and biking by myself.

Good for you! I've recently started going on some casual group rides just to make friends who share my interest in cycling. You can never have too many friends

[Blueberry]

My DH and I both ride - but we have very different speeds (and perhaps training ideas). We ride together some - and we ride alone. Rides with me are very often recovery rides for him (or we will shop and he will carry all the stuff home). He'll walk with me. For us, it's about finding quality time that we can spend together (even if it's cooking dinner). We both have a flaw of too much online time - working on that, but hard when you both depend on computers for a living.

He tries to be supportive of my solo interests - and I try to be of his.

[rubysoho]

I think that it's good to have independent interests, hobbies, etc. To be really open and honest, when I hear someone say something like "I wouldn't date a girl who didn't ride with me" or "I couldn't date a Republican" I worry about that person.

I definitely agree with this. It is good to have differences. And I definitely support my BF's interests that don't include me. It is great for him to go out with the guys or for him to cook, etc...

[azfiddle]

My DH told me about his days as a ski-instructor before we met, but was not too athletic for a long time. I was slightly more active as a field biologist and birder- but not really athletic at all.

Sometime after he recovered from cancer, he began to to talk about bike commuting to work. Much to my surprise, he stuck with it. Then he began to have a goal- to complete a 50 mile run by his 50th birthday. He again surprised me by following a rigorous training program, running a half-marathon in 6 weeks and a full marathon 5 months after starting. Oh yeah, and he's done a 50+ mile run for his birthday for the last 6 years, plus more marathons and 50 milers as well.

I didn't catch on for a long time- but 2 years ago decided I had to do something to lose weight, and got back on a bike.

He is much stronger than I am but is willing to slow down for me if we ride together (I just can't run!) It has rekindled our relationship in many ways to share this time together- I hope we don't decrepitate too soon and lose our ability to enjoy this as we cruise through on through our 50's and beyond.

[Marquise]

My husband was a cyclist long before I became one and he's been a great help in everything I accomplished so far. I might have taken up cycling on my own but I'm sure his being a cyclist increased the odds of my doing so. We usually ride together at least once a week but otherwise ride separately, which suits both of us. He feels more free to spend more time cycling and indulge in cycling-related purchases now that I'm into it, too. Aside from cycling, we share many of the same interests and spend most of our free time together, but we also do our own things now and then.

[Owlie]

DBF is quite supportive of my other hobbies (knitting and cooking). It helps that he is quite often the beneficiary.

I'm okay with him going to play D&D with "the guys" (it meant I got the place to myself for a while!) I don't mind him playing video games (because I do too!), but he tends to get sucked in...

[Roadtrip]

Sadly, both DH and I have a slug type mentalities and are equally happy snuggling together with a good movie, unless proper motivation is given. It's hard work to break out of that rut and keep one another going. Neither of us were picked first for the team and were the "brains" of our class. We've really enjoyed supporting one another on and off the bike.

Shannon

[indysteel]

I definitely agree with this. It is good to have differences. And I definitely support my BF's interests that don't include me. It is great for him to go out with the guys or for him to cook, etc...

Reread your original question though. It seems your problem isn't how supportive/unsupportive your BF is of your individual interests, but what few interests you share together. I would agree that lots of things change during a long relationship, but the biggest predictor of the future is the present. If it bothers you that your BF isn't active, seems isolated and down, and is generally not particularly energetic, I think you need to face those facts. It just sounds like you're trying to explain away some valid feelings that you're having. And it doesn't matter how others deal with/accept/adapt to this issue. What matters is how YOU feel about it.
I'm not trying to make a mountain out of a molehill, but to me, this would be a significant issue worth sorting out in some fashion, because if you think it's draining now, just wait
until you have a house or kids or ailing parents or illness to deal with.

And I do apologize if I'm reading too much into your question/comments.

[Biciclista]

Reread your original question though. It seems your problem isn't how supportive/unsupportive your BF is of your individual interests, but what few interests you share together. I would agree that lots of things change during a long relationship, but the biggest predictor of the future is the present. If it bothers you that your BF isn't active, seems isolated and down, and is generally not particularly energetic, I think you need to face those facts. It just sounds like you're trying to explain away some valid feelings that you're having. And it doesn't matter how others deal with/accept/adapt to this issue. What matters is how YOU feel about it.
I'm not trying to make a mountain out of a molehill, but to me, this would be a significant issue worth sorting out in some fashion, because if you think it's draining now, just wait
until you have a house or kids or ailing parents or illness to deal with.
.

exactly what INdysteel said, and further, he discourages you from joining him in the kitchen?
If I were you, I would feel very lonely in a relationship like this one.

[emily_in_nc]

My DH is an even more avid cyclist than me; in fact, he got me my first bike early in our marriage. This year, he had ridden 18 days straight until yesterday (b/c we're traveling). He's faster/stronger than me and has done ~4K miles this year already. I've "only" done around 870 miles this year and am quite a bit slower. But we do market rides together (he carries more panniers and groceries), and easy/recovery rides for him. Or I'll join him when he's part way through with his ride and do half the miles he's doing. So, we do a nice mix of solo and "together" rides.

We also take a lot of walks together, and in the past have done kayaking, hiking, and so forth together. We also enjoy cooking both together and separately (he cooks more than me since he's retired). I think we have a good mix of solo and together activities.

[shootingstar]

. However, our relationship has never revolved around specific activities, and while we both hate it that he can't do this stuff with me, we deal with it and enjoy other things.

I'm leaving soon on a 6 week, solo tour, and I cannot believe how many people have come down on me for going alone, and on him for not going with me. He would love to go. Camping on a long-distance trip would be right up his alley. But he can't, because of his injury. And when I think about it, I become furious at the people who guilt him about not coming along - people who should know better (I'm looking at you, Mom).

I'm sure soprano he'll be thrilled to hear your daily stories when you rest up at the end of each ride of the day.

I am certain alot of people (women) who don't have partners who cycle solo for long trips, wonder seriously about the relationship. But the reality is that he had more time than I did since I was/am working. So he did several solo loaded bike touring trips on his own, including across Canada and huge part of the U.S. Because I cycle also, we have each other to share stories and rides at the end of each day when this happens.

It is actually enormous relief for a solo rider on a solo trip, to be able to share with a partner even at a distance the trials and triumphs of the day as a cyclist.

**Ruby,we have a real challenge right now, he and I live in different cities..because of a job offer I took last yr. after long bout of unemployment.so yes, we are together we still cycle..but each solo. Yes, he got me into cycling when we first met over 18 yrs. ago. We live a cycling lifestyle but also share some common stuff together. It is reflected in the blogs below. Cycling is intertwined into our lives..I still manage and write for his organization's blogs (in addition to my own.) He has tremendous knowledge of bike route networks across 3 Canadian cities...he is the one from whom I've learned the bike routes from. I cycle along, happy to learn more.

But over time, Ruby hope you and he will find some stuff together....takes time. Give yourself and himself some time, talk it out slowly over time. Try some new things together without creating big expectations. He sounds like a keeper but something else (not you) might be bugging him/reaching a certain stage in life..

[Kiwi Stoker]

6 Years ago I realised we needed to lose weight and get fit. I was nudging 90kg and DH was well and truly "blown" out. His Dad had 2 heart attacks so it was kind of a real problem.

I asked him what kind of exercise would he like to do- dancing, gym, swimming and we both settled on cycling- he cycled before he got a car as a teenager and I rode to school for many years. I wanted something we could both do so we would motivate each other. It's taken off since then.

He is a stronger and faster rider, and I am happy to let him go off with his bunch and me, mine and meet for coffee at the end. We also ride our tandem quite a bit and it makes events so much fun. We suffer/enjoy ourselves together and egg each other on.

I also have meet couples who one rides and other doesn't. You do have to manage expectations, some people will get peeved off with the amount of time cycling eats up, especially if you are training for an event. Either the other person is participating too or that they have something they like to do while the other is cycling- otherwise resentment sets in.

[Crankin]

I am with my DH almost all of the time... we do almost everything together, including cycling. Yea, I know some think this is weird or even bad, but we don't have any issues. Even though he is faster than me, he does his fast rides on his commutes;it's been many years since he went out and rode with groups, besides the ones we lead.
That said, I do a lot more of a variety of physical things.... while DH and I also x country ski and snow shoe together, with a little hiking, he does not run or do any lifting, core work. For years, I went to the gym and he played tennis. But other than that, he was a slug.
I am one of those people who "could never be with a______." Fill in the blank. I need to be around people who have similar interests and values, not just DH.

[Becky]

You do have to manage expectations, some people will get peeved off with the amount of time cycling eats up, especially if you are training for an event. Either the other person is participating too or that they have something they like to do while the other is cycling- otherwise resentment sets in.

This is true, regardless of the activity and regardless of whether it's shared or solo. DH and I have gone through stages where one person's hobby takes up more time than the other thinks it should. Sometimes it's him, sometimes it's me, but the net effect is that feelings are hurt.

Right now, I think we're doing alright with balancing everything. Communicating about plans and expectations has been key. I can't be mad at him for not meeting my expectations if I never told him what they were.