Does your significant other...

[rubysoho]

Share your passion in cycling or other outdoorsy activities? Would you say you both have the same energy level or are you on different ends of the spectrum?

Taking a ride with a guy friend this past weekend reminded me how much I love sharing my passions and having someone to play and have fun with. Something my boyfriend of four years and I don't do and I guess I have grown accustomed to it. He is more the type that after a week or work he wants to stay in and do nothing. I like to do that, sometimes, but a lot of times I want to be out hiking, cycling, fishing, etc...

I need to get out and find some women to ride with. But, sometimes I wish my SO enjoyed being outdoors as much as I do.

Anyway, what about everyone here?

[Becky]

Yup, it's how we met. 10 years later, we're still well-matched in terms of cycling pace. I tend to have a higher "do stuff" energy level, while he's more content to sit around and read or watch movies.

[limewave]

Yes, hiking and biking and being outdoors and active is something we have in common. However, we almost never ride or run together because 1) he is faster and likes to be faster and 2) someone has to watch the kids.

I enjoy a little solitude so I don't mind that he rides ahead, it's nice just being "out there" together and sharing the common interest.

However, something we don't have in common, I like going out with other people, little parties/gatherings, and playing card or board games. DH would rather sit in his chair and read a book.

We went camping this weekend and a group of DH's friends were also camping there. He didn't even go over and say hello or sit at their campfire! I did! And I barely know them, but I just like that atmosphere. DH is weird. I'm working on him and he is branching out a little bit.

I miss those things and wish that he would socialize with other couples/families more.

[indysteel]

My DH and I met through cycling, and he's about as active/outdoorsey as I am. Sometimes we go through phases where he's more energetic than I am and vice versa, but I'd say we're pretty balanced as a general rule. I tend to purposely "exercise" more than he does, but his job is more active than mine so it balances out. I'll be honest that this was a deal maker for me. I'm not particularly attracted to men who aren't active or who lack a love of the outdoors.

[rubysoho]

I'll be honest that this was a deal maker for me. I'm not particularly attracted to men who aren't active or who lack a love of the outdoors.

I was perusing a thread about pictures of people on this board and noticed quite a few who were pictured with their significant other. It made me sad because my boyfriend and I don't do much of anything together ... I know I have a great guy, he cooks, cleans, treats me with respect and loves me dearly. Is responsible, driven at work, definitely wants to take care of me. I am just way more lighthearted and playful (and active!) than he is and right now it is a bit draining for me. We've been together 4 years for a reason. I just need to remember that.

[roadie gal]

We have a lot of the same interests: biking, hiking, cross country skiing, but I'm definitely more into exercising than she is. When we have time off together we do stuff together, but I'm free to do my own thing when I'm off and she's not.

[tulip]

I was with my former SO for nearly 20 years before I came to the conclusion that we did nothing together and his realm and my realm rarely intercepted. Just my story. YMMV.

I met my current SO through cycling. We take cycling vacations together and look forward to going on bike rides together. We also spend alot of time gardening together and doing other things that we each AND both love to do.

[Biciclista]

Ruby, I've been married for 33 years. When we got married, we were young and exercise was something we didn't even think about. As we got older, we both realized that something was going to have to change. He gained weight, I was weak and puny. So we both got involved in cycling AT DIFFERENT TIMES. He started, i tried to catch up, but found I just wasn't "in to it" then two of his cycling buddies left town and he became despondent and quit riding. gained more weight. His cholesterol was rising, and so was mine. I knew I HAD to do something, so I asked him to train me for the STP (Seattle to Portland Ride) he did that and hasn't gotten off the bike since. He rides circles around me, but we both ride, and sometimes we ride together!
I don't know what your boyfriend does to stay healthy, but you owe it to him to get him doing SOMETHING or the space between you is going to grow and grow and eventually you're going to be pushing him around in a wheelchair.
(that's a bit dramatic, but you get the idea)
It doesn't have to be cycling, but you really do need some common ground (and sitting around in the house is NOT what I am talking about)
good luck

[rubysoho]

It doesn't have to be cycling, but you really do need some common ground (and sitting around in the house is NOT what I am talking about)
good luck

Ugh, I know. When we first met he was a bit of a gym rat (liked body building, but wasn't extreme). And we met because he wanted to learn how to horseback ride and I was an instructor at the barn he chose to ride at! Since then he has stopping horseback riding, stopped working out so much (shoulder injury) which has caused him to gain 70 lbs. I have no problem with loving who he is though, including his mini-buddah belly. Obviously I want him to take care of himself and be healthy so I try to get him to go on longer dog walks, etc...

But, it pretty much feels like our only common ground is sitting around the house together. I tried to get involved in cooking but he made it clear his time in the kitchen is really his preferred alone time. And even though he realized that upset me and has tried to include me since then, I just don't want to be a part of the cooking process anymore.

[limewave]

Is it possible something else is going on with him like depression or anxiety? I'm just asking because if he used to be a "gym-rat" and was active and now all he does is sit around the house and has gained a lot of weight . . . well, there could be something physical/mental/medical. Just throwing it out there.

[indysteel]

Is it possible something else is going on with him like depression or anxiety? I'm just asking because if he used to be a "gym-rat" and was active and now all he does is sit around the house and has gained a lot of weight . . . well, there could be something physical/mental/medical. Just throwing it out there.

I think that's an important point to consider. In any event, it sounds like it's time for the two of you to talk openly about this and what it means to your fulfillment individually and as a couple. Lots of things ebb and flow in a long relationship, including activity levels and interests. What ideally should remain constant is your ability to talk about what you want your lives to look like, to respond to each other's wants and needs and to work toward positve change (or to recognize that a change is necessary).

How BF responds to your concerns will be what's telling about your future together....and you need to be prepared to honestly evaluate his response. If he dimisses your concerns or refuses to admit that something isn't working in his life/your life together, then you need to take that as a red flag.

[Pax]

My SO and I got together 21 years ago and were both hugely active... just not in the same things.

She was a big cyclist and I was into scuba/surfing/water skiing; this was a problem as she is not a water person AT ALL and at the time I thought bike riding was about as exciting as watching paint dry.

Over time we found common ground and managed to stay active together, now that we're older we are doing more biking and less adventure stuff.

[Brandi]

My hubby and I do tons of outdoor stuff together. But sometimes he get's in these moods where he just sits and works. I can't do that. I have to get up and move. But every tuesday afternoon we play volleyball with a group. Every weekend we go for a big hike with a friend or friends. Last weekends was a 10 mile hike! Ugh!
He likes to Kayak fish of our coast. I won't do that with him. Great whites lurk off our coast and I have seen Jaws to many times. And we bike together sometimes. I actually like to bike by myself. And I think he does too. But he is a mountain biker I am a little of both.

[jamijo]

My husband is a big lump... he's in danger of losing his position in the Air Force Reserve due to not being able to pass the fitness test (waist circumference too big as well as deficiencies in running, situps, and push-ups). I have to drag him off the couch to go out to take care of errands or go to a movie, let alone trying to get him to exercise... He says he's not opposed to the idea of biking, but he's not interested in getting a bike so he can ride along with me. I've largely given up and settled with getting him out walking while I'm out riding at the park. Hopefully walking will lead to jogging will lead to him being in better shape...

I asked him last week if he would ever be interested in going camping with me (his brother goes camping a few times every summer with buddies)... he looked at me like I'd grown horns. He grew up with a rather privileged family where a 'roughing it' trip was the Comfort Inn instead of a 4-or 5-star hotel with spa and golf course available. Needless to say, we're not in the same income bracket as his parents. I'm trying to get him interested in more active/outdoorsy stuff, but I feel I have an uphill battle in front of me.

[PamNY]

This is definitely an issue in my life, and it's not just the SO -- it's the friends he prefers as well.

I've simply started to develop my own social life with people who are more outdoorsy/active. Luckily I like hiking, camping and biking by myself.