Does your significant other...

[rubysoho]

It doesn't have to be cycling, but you really do need some common ground (and sitting around in the house is NOT what I am talking about)
good luck

Ugh, I know. When we first met he was a bit of a gym rat (liked body building, but wasn't extreme). And we met because he wanted to learn how to horseback ride and I was an instructor at the barn he chose to ride at! Since then he has stopping horseback riding, stopped working out so much (shoulder injury) which has caused him to gain 70 lbs. I have no problem with loving who he is though, including his mini-buddah belly. Obviously I want him to take care of himself and be healthy so I try to get him to go on longer dog walks, etc...

But, it pretty much feels like our only common ground is sitting around the house together. I tried to get involved in cooking but he made it clear his time in the kitchen is really his preferred alone time. And even though he realized that upset me and has tried to include me since then, I just don't want to be a part of the cooking process anymore.

[limewave]

Is it possible something else is going on with him like depression or anxiety? I'm just asking because if he used to be a "gym-rat" and was active and now all he does is sit around the house and has gained a lot of weight . . . well, there could be something physical/mental/medical. Just throwing it out there.

[indysteel]

Is it possible something else is going on with him like depression or anxiety? I'm just asking because if he used to be a "gym-rat" and was active and now all he does is sit around the house and has gained a lot of weight . . . well, there could be something physical/mental/medical. Just throwing it out there.

I think that's an important point to consider. In any event, it sounds like it's time for the two of you to talk openly about this and what it means to your fulfillment individually and as a couple. Lots of things ebb and flow in a long relationship, including activity levels and interests. What ideally should remain constant is your ability to talk about what you want your lives to look like, to respond to each other's wants and needs and to work toward positve change (or to recognize that a change is necessary).

How BF responds to your concerns will be what's telling about your future together....and you need to be prepared to honestly evaluate his response. If he dimisses your concerns or refuses to admit that something isn't working in his life/your life together, then you need to take that as a red flag.

[Pax]

My SO and I got together 21 years ago and were both hugely active... just not in the same things.

She was a big cyclist and I was into scuba/surfing/water skiing; this was a problem as she is not a water person AT ALL and at the time I thought bike riding was about as exciting as watching paint dry.

Over time we found common ground and managed to stay active together, now that we're older we are doing more biking and less adventure stuff.

[Brandi]

My hubby and I do tons of outdoor stuff together. But sometimes he get's in these moods where he just sits and works. I can't do that. I have to get up and move. But every tuesday afternoon we play volleyball with a group. Every weekend we go for a big hike with a friend or friends. Last weekends was a 10 mile hike! Ugh!
He likes to Kayak fish of our coast. I won't do that with him. Great whites lurk off our coast and I have seen Jaws to many times. And we bike together sometimes. I actually like to bike by myself. And I think he does too. But he is a mountain biker I am a little of both.

[jamijo]

My husband is a big lump... he's in danger of losing his position in the Air Force Reserve due to not being able to pass the fitness test (waist circumference too big as well as deficiencies in running, situps, and push-ups). I have to drag him off the couch to go out to take care of errands or go to a movie, let alone trying to get him to exercise... He says he's not opposed to the idea of biking, but he's not interested in getting a bike so he can ride along with me. I've largely given up and settled with getting him out walking while I'm out riding at the park. Hopefully walking will lead to jogging will lead to him being in better shape...

I asked him last week if he would ever be interested in going camping with me (his brother goes camping a few times every summer with buddies)... he looked at me like I'd grown horns. He grew up with a rather privileged family where a 'roughing it' trip was the Comfort Inn instead of a 4-or 5-star hotel with spa and golf course available. Needless to say, we're not in the same income bracket as his parents. I'm trying to get him interested in more active/outdoorsy stuff, but I feel I have an uphill battle in front of me.

[Owlie]

DBF was the one that got me into riding. The last couple months (well, when we were still in the same city), though, have been difficult in terms of getting him to do anything active, beyond walking to class and the grocery store. He's still a student and spends the summers with his parents, and once he's home he goes on bike rides once or twice a week with his parents, just his dad or his old scout troop. Or he hops in the pool.

He does have a tendency to turn into a video game-playing lump when stressed, and there's no shortage of stress (he's an engineering student), and I'm only usually around him during the school year. I just occasionally feel like he doesn't particularly want to do anything active with me, apart from the occasional (like once a year) short ride together.

As far as energy levels go, he'll probably always have me beat on riding--once you get him out the door, he's fine for 50 miles or so (if wiped out when he gets back). I try to stick to 20-30 miles, which lets me do stuff once I get home. If I want to go for a walk, though, he's done after a mile. I'm quite happy with two or three.

[ACG]

My husband is a big lump... he's in danger of losing his position in the Air Force Reserve due to not being able to pass the fitness test (waist circumference too big as well as deficiencies in running, situps, and push-ups). I have to drag him off the couch to go out to take care of errands or go to a movie, let alone trying to get him to exercise... He says he's not opposed to the idea of biking, but he's not interested in getting a bike so he can ride along with me. I've largely given up and settled with getting him out walking while I'm out riding at the park. Hopefully walking will lead to jogging will lead to him being in better shape...

I asked him last week if he would ever be interested in going camping with me (his brother goes camping a few times every summer with buddies)... he looked at me like I'd grown horns. He grew up with a rather privileged family where a 'roughing it' trip was the Comfort Inn instead of a 4-or 5-star hotel with spa and golf course available. Needless to say, we're not in the same income bracket as his parents. I'm trying to get him interested in more active/outdoorsy stuff, but I feel I have an uphill battle in front of me.

This is exactly my ex husband. He did try stuff, but unless he could actually 'master the skill' he wouldn't try it again or he'd try what I tried and be put off by the work involved again to master a skill.

My SO, surfs, Kayaks, golfs, hikes, fishes, etc. Loves the outdoors. We hike together and I will go on the Kayak and (I won't surf but will go to the beach with him), yes I'm afraid. He loves that I bike, he knows it's my time. It all works for us.