Living a good enough life: being more comfortable with achievements

[roadie gal]

I used to think that I had to excel at everything. Instead of just being a good doc I had to be an administrator as well. I tried being in charge of EMS in the city I was working in. I failed at that. I just wasn't interested in putting in the time, and I hated it. I still wince when I think about it. Then I tried working at a teaching hospital. But my heart wasn't in that either. I have finally come to understand that I need to play to my strengths. I'm a good "pit doc", and I enjoy it. So that's enough.

It's taken me a long time to realize that appearance (as in being important or in charge) is less important than substance (being good at what I do and being happy about it). I'm a much calmer and more content person for knowing that.

Now I'm looking toward what, if anything, I want to do when I retire, which will hopefully be in the next 3-5 years. I may just allow myself to do nothing.

[limewave]

I'm a goal-oriented person . . . so I naturally tend to set "high-standards of achievement" for myself. Many times I know, going into it, that the "high-level" I set for myself is just beyond what I think is a realistic goal.

I have not experienced that deep, disappointing, feeling when I don't achieve a goal. I guess I have that more laid-back approach to life.

I know people that view me as being "overly-driven" and "extremely competitive." They find me very intimidating. I think that is an inaccurate description of who I am because I don't agonize over "defeat." Nor do I obsess about winning. To me, racing, training, setting goals is fun! Setting a goal for yourself and accomplishing it is an amazing feeling! I am constantly amazed at what our bodies-our spirits-can endure and achieve!

IMHO: I think setting a goal of "winning" is a terrible goal to set for yourself! You never know who is going to show up for a race or what unknown is going to happen. Goals surrounding fitness levels, nutrition, running pace, etc are much more achievable and satisfying.

[Pax]

People have described me as "effortlessly competent", so while I don't seem to work very hard I get a lot done and make positive changes in the workplace. All this has done is create a life with a series of "professions" where I start out entry level and end up promoted much higher that I ever wanted to be.

My current job is working in a university library as a civil servant, in the four years I've been here I've gone from a part time assistant to a senior level manager who supervises 40 people... and I don't care about my job in the slightest. I don't hate it, I just don't care about it. I don't want to be a boss anymore and I don't want to work indoors all day and never see the sun.

My SO and I are debt free (except for a tiny mortgage payment) as of this month. Her job is ending in the Fall but we can live on part time salaries, we both prefer time off to making money; so we're taking a serious look at our options.

[shootingstar]

I used to think that I had to excel at everything. Instead of just being a good doc I had to be an administrator as well. I tried being in charge of EMS in the city I was working in. I failed at that. I just wasn't interested in putting in the time, and I hated it. I still wince when I think about it. Then I tried working at a teaching hospital. But my heart wasn't in that either. I have finally come to understand that I need to play to my strengths. I'm a good "pit doc", and I enjoy it. So that's enough.

It's taken me a long time to realize that appearance (as in being important or in charge) is less important than substance (being good at what I do and being happy about it). I'm a much calmer and more content person for knowing that.

Several years ago, doctor-sister turned down an offer to manage the EMS division at her hospital. She just didn't want to deal with administrative side. She also has 2 young children (2nd one is 2 yrs. old) and is an older mother at 42 by starting her family later in life. She is working part-time, her hubby works full-time...as a cook.

So you can guess that they aren't living a high life, but she saved sufficient money when she had no children. I think she' trying to cope partially because she knows she lacks the energy compared to 15 yrs. ago..

So she truly is bucking the trend among some doctors with type AAA personalities.

[Velocivixen]

I got my Master's degree and started the work ladder shortly thereafter. Went through a couple of different careers, then got married to someone who said I didn't have to work. It was a very difficult transition (not working for money) because my image of myself was so wrapped up in what I did for a living, how much money I made and my material possessions. I have come to the conclusion that there is such a thing as "good enough". Things don't have to be perfect, but good enough is just fine. This attitude allows me to live relatively stress free and cut myself some slack. In the meantime, I've had time to do all sorts out interesting and out of my comfort zone volunteering, try out & keep or discard hobbies/interests, and essentially work to "find myself" in middle age.

[wannaduacentury]

It's taken me a long time to realize that appearance (as in being important or in charge) is less important than substance (being good at what I do and being happy about it). I'm a much calmer and more content person for knowing that.

I agree with this. Although I've had a few supervisory positions, I've never really cared about being in charge per se. I'm working on my B.A. in History(non-trad and I'm 38) and I work in libraries(MLS afterwards) so I can hopefully combine the two at some point. I'd like to have some more money, but it's not really my goal, being happily employed at something I'd really enjoy that allows me time to enjoy life too. That's what I aim for. Jennifer

[Crankin]

I was fairly competitive in my teaching career, but when I found a job I loved, I found that I had learned so much, that most of my work was not that much of an effort for me. People thought I was supremely competent, but it was really more my positive attitude, my belief that all kids could learn, and being organized. I loved supervising and mentoring new teachers, but when i had earned all of the credits/coursework for my certificate of advanced graduate studies in educational leadership, I decided I didn't want to be a principal and it is very hard to find a curriculum job. I never did the internship or got the degree. This was right around the time I had been cycling for about 1-2 years and my priorities were changing. When I quit my job in 2007, I found it very hard to shed my professional identity and hence, the going back to school. I found I love working independently as a therapist, making my own schedule, as opposed to having to make every decision with a team of at least 3 other people.
I'm content. I do miss making the $, though. Even though DH makes plenty for us to live on, I always felt that I could support myself nicely and it felt like psychological freedom. It's hard to explain. The jobs I'm applying for now are less than my 20 something kids make.

[emily_in_nc]

. I'm content. I do miss making the $, though. Even though DH makes plenty for us to live on, I always felt that I could support myself nicely and it felt like psychological freedom. It's hard to explain. The jobs I'm applying for now are less than my 20 something kids make.

It's really sad that so many jobs that can make a significant difference in people's lives (like therapist, social worker, and the like) are so poorly paid compared to many jobs that don't mean diddly (sports professional, stock broker...) in the larger scheme of things. You should be very proud of what you are doing. You are blessed to not have to sell your soul doing something just for the money...you can afford to do something that is truly important. Brava!

[Pax]

It's really sad that so many jobs that can make a significant difference in people's lives (like therapist, social worker, and the like) are so poorly paid compared to many jobs that don't mean diddly (sports professional, stock broker...) in the larger scheme of things. You should be very proud of what you are doing. You are blessed to not have to sell your soul doing something just for the money...you can afford to do something that is truly important. Brava!

My partner and I are looking in hindsight at the choices we made for occupations and are coming to the realization that while what we did was important (she worked with disabled children and I worked with mentally ill homeless adults), we will have minimal retirement funds. When our friends who went into more lucrative careers were making $40,000 a year we were making $15,000 and $18,000. When their companies were giving them large bonuses for the holidays, we were getting $5 gift cards for Wal Mart (only bonus I've ever gotten).

I don't regret choosing to spend most of my work life helping people. As I mentioned above, we enjoy time off and may consider working part time in the future, it should be okay barring any catastrophe.

[solobiker]

.LOL...That is a bigger bonus then I have ever received. ( we also no longer get holidays off and do not get paid any extra when woking on a holiday.)

I have worked with the geriatric population for over 18 years in a nursing home environment which at times can get quite challenging. I do have hope of going part-time in about 6-8 years...fingers crossed. As I mentioned before I was in management for a while but it just was not worth it. Too much "pointing of the finger" or not taking accountability for issues.

[Catrin]

I certainly never planned on being where I am at 51, I will likely be one of those who are not able to retire...but that isn't a bad thing. I spent much of the first half of my adult life "off the grid", and then wound up in college and then graduate school in my late 30s and early 40's. Student loans became the bane of my existence and still are

My debt level is far higher than I would like at this stage of life, but it is what it is. I've a job I like that serves a basic need for everyone in the community, an apartment I love, and plenty of time to ride my bike(s) and some good friends. We don't get bonuses or cost of living raises, but I don't complain for there are many who have much less to live on than I do. In this economy I am not about to move to the private sector...though I might rethink that in a few more years. I've never been good at financial matters, but when I die that won't matter. I do wish that I had been taught how to manage money as a child though, it would have likely prevented some pretty big mistakes as an adult. At least I can stop from adding more debt and work on what I can. Certainly no more bike debt

So I keep putting one foot in front of the other and focus on today rather than what happened 10 or 20 or 30 years ago. I can't do anything about choices made then, only on the challenges that are given to me today - and hopefully never forget again to pay attention to the roses and zinnias around me. My bikes help a great deal with that!

I wish I could live outside of the county though, that would allow me to seriously cut my cost of living... I would seriously love to return to living off the grid, but I have to get out of debt to do that.

[Crankin]

This is true, Emily. If I was 20 years younger, I might be able to build up a private practice after putting in my two years of slave labor to get my license, and earn a lot more. But, even though I plan on continuing working part time after I do get my license, I don't think I want the responsibility of the business aspect of a practice and will be happy to put in a few hours a week in a clinic or holistic health center. And, it does suck that human service professionals make so little, at least in the beginning. I know that in a lot of cases teachers don't make that much either, but I had a lot of post master's credits, which along with experience, really shoot you up on the pay scale, as well as my bonus from the state for being a national board certified teacher. That extra $ paid for my older son's college. In AZ we had merit pay, and that also was something that came at a time when my young family needed the $.
This is truly my "giving back" job, although after 31 years of teaching, I feel like I have already "given" plenty. But, it was so sad to see at graduation that there were about 5 men in my program, and it is most definitely because of the money aspect. We need good male therapists, as well as teachers, but there were a lot more guys getting their master's in education.