Does your significant other...

[tulip]

I was with my former SO for nearly 20 years before I came to the conclusion that we did nothing together and his realm and my realm rarely intercepted. Just my story. YMMV.

I met my current SO through cycling. We take cycling vacations together and look forward to going on bike rides together. We also spend alot of time gardening together and doing other things that we each AND both love to do.

[Biciclista]

Ruby, I've been married for 33 years. When we got married, we were young and exercise was something we didn't even think about. As we got older, we both realized that something was going to have to change. He gained weight, I was weak and puny. So we both got involved in cycling AT DIFFERENT TIMES. He started, i tried to catch up, but found I just wasn't "in to it" then two of his cycling buddies left town and he became despondent and quit riding. gained more weight. His cholesterol was rising, and so was mine. I knew I HAD to do something, so I asked him to train me for the STP (Seattle to Portland Ride) he did that and hasn't gotten off the bike since. He rides circles around me, but we both ride, and sometimes we ride together!
I don't know what your boyfriend does to stay healthy, but you owe it to him to get him doing SOMETHING or the space between you is going to grow and grow and eventually you're going to be pushing him around in a wheelchair.
(that's a bit dramatic, but you get the idea)
It doesn't have to be cycling, but you really do need some common ground (and sitting around in the house is NOT what I am talking about)
good luck

[rubysoho]

It doesn't have to be cycling, but you really do need some common ground (and sitting around in the house is NOT what I am talking about)
good luck

Ugh, I know. When we first met he was a bit of a gym rat (liked body building, but wasn't extreme). And we met because he wanted to learn how to horseback ride and I was an instructor at the barn he chose to ride at! Since then he has stopping horseback riding, stopped working out so much (shoulder injury) which has caused him to gain 70 lbs. I have no problem with loving who he is though, including his mini-buddah belly. Obviously I want him to take care of himself and be healthy so I try to get him to go on longer dog walks, etc...

But, it pretty much feels like our only common ground is sitting around the house together. I tried to get involved in cooking but he made it clear his time in the kitchen is really his preferred alone time. And even though he realized that upset me and has tried to include me since then, I just don't want to be a part of the cooking process anymore.

[limewave]

Is it possible something else is going on with him like depression or anxiety? I'm just asking because if he used to be a "gym-rat" and was active and now all he does is sit around the house and has gained a lot of weight . . . well, there could be something physical/mental/medical. Just throwing it out there.

[indysteel]

Is it possible something else is going on with him like depression or anxiety? I'm just asking because if he used to be a "gym-rat" and was active and now all he does is sit around the house and has gained a lot of weight . . . well, there could be something physical/mental/medical. Just throwing it out there.

I think that's an important point to consider. In any event, it sounds like it's time for the two of you to talk openly about this and what it means to your fulfillment individually and as a couple. Lots of things ebb and flow in a long relationship, including activity levels and interests. What ideally should remain constant is your ability to talk about what you want your lives to look like, to respond to each other's wants and needs and to work toward positve change (or to recognize that a change is necessary).

How BF responds to your concerns will be what's telling about your future together....and you need to be prepared to honestly evaluate his response. If he dimisses your concerns or refuses to admit that something isn't working in his life/your life together, then you need to take that as a red flag.

[Pax]

My SO and I got together 21 years ago and were both hugely active... just not in the same things.

She was a big cyclist and I was into scuba/surfing/water skiing; this was a problem as she is not a water person AT ALL and at the time I thought bike riding was about as exciting as watching paint dry.

Over time we found common ground and managed to stay active together, now that we're older we are doing more biking and less adventure stuff.

[Brandi]

My hubby and I do tons of outdoor stuff together. But sometimes he get's in these moods where he just sits and works. I can't do that. I have to get up and move. But every tuesday afternoon we play volleyball with a group. Every weekend we go for a big hike with a friend or friends. Last weekends was a 10 mile hike! Ugh!
He likes to Kayak fish of our coast. I won't do that with him. Great whites lurk off our coast and I have seen Jaws to many times. And we bike together sometimes. I actually like to bike by myself. And I think he does too. But he is a mountain biker I am a little of both.