Depression

[shootingstar]

Yesterday, I cut myself some slack. After a whole lifetime of pushing myself to do things I can't do or don't want to do simply for validation, I said "I'm too tired to race a 12 hour solo" and it was...ok. It was fine. For the first time in 24 years, I could put aside the thought that if I didn't race it, I would be worth nothing. I felt guilty about not training and just pushed it aside and enjoyed long, slack rides and runs. That feeling, its like coming up through the water and taking one deep breath.

And the irony? I'm actually a helluva stronger now after weeks and weeks of patchy training than when I was following a weekly schedule insanely. Go figure.

Hey, then you can get back onto the bike next time in a more relaxed frame of mind. Bike needs to be part of your therapy since you love it (like alot of other folks here), but not something to feel guilty about in terms of competency.

[lph]

Pardon me if I sound pompous, but yup, it takes strength to know when to be weak*, and accept it. Good for you.

*as if not riding a 12 hr solo has anything to do with being weak

[colorisnt]

Pardon me if I sound pompous, but yup, it takes strength to know when to be weak*, and accept it. Good for you.

*as if not riding a 12 hr solo has anything to do with being weak

Yes. This. One of the best things that I learned in therapy this yea is when to give up. And "weakness" is not what I call it, but knowing when I need to take care of my OWN self as opposed to feeding the doubts in my head or doing too much for other people.

[indysteel]

Colorisnt! I'm so glad to see you on the forum! I've been wondering how you've been. I hope better...

As for the point of your post: I;ve been in therapy for about seven or eight years now, and a large part of it has been focused on that simple premise--that I'm entitled to take care of my needs first and foremost. Once you truly believe that, it's a lot easier to make nearly every decision. I do care about other people, some quite a bit, but at the end of the day, I care about myself more. If I don't, who will? To some, that may seem selfish, but for me, it's what's freed me to have enough energy at the end of most days to actually do things for others.

[Crankin]

You know, I've always, always subscribed to the way of thinking that Indy describes. If I wasn't doing OK, then how could my kids, my DH, or my students be OK? And I know that others along the way have thought that as being selfish. It's like the mothers (and fathers) who don't take time to go out alone, without the kids, because they "work all week," and it "wouldn't be fair." Fair to who? Sure, I had to get up at 5AM to do some of the stuff I did for myself, but my DH also was there to do all of the morning routine for the kids when I was busy taking care of myself at the gym.
One of the best things about the therapeutic relationship is when an adult realizes he or she doesn't have to please everyone else before pleasing his or herself.

[zoom-zoom]

You know, I've always, always subscribed to the way of thinking that Indy describes. If I wasn't doing OK, then how could my kids, my DH, or my students be OK?

A friend of mine once told me that she deals with her depression as if she were in an airplane when the oxygen masks drop--her priority is to put the mask on herself, first, and then put the masks on her kids. If she doesn't make sure that she's OK, then she hasn't the capacity to make sure that anyone else is having their needs met.

[alexis_the_tiny]

A friend of mine once told me that she deals with her depression as if she were in an airplane when the oxygen masks drop--her priority is to put the mask on herself, first, and then put the masks on her kids. If she doesn't make sure that she's OK, then she hasn't the capacity to make sure that anyone else is having their needs met.

I love that analogy. It makes complete and utter sense. If I don't get enough sleep or food, I can't be the best teacher to my students at school.

It feels so wonderful to allow myself to just slack off on rides and stuff. The other night I went for a ride with friends and dropped off the ride after the first loop and ended up kicking back with another friend listening to Thai pop music while waiting for the others.

Part of the whole change really came from getting rid of some people in my life who were constantly making me feel like I needed to prove my worth to them. It was hard because they were people I thought were supposed to be the ones who were the closest to me and it turns out, they didn't really care much and I wasted all that time trying to get them to approve of me. That and therapy. Good grief.