Thanks for all the responses. I'm quite devastated and can hardly stop crying. The pain is nothing. I've become so obsessed with cycling and working towards cycle Oregon for 2 yrs now. Never before in my life have I had a hard time making a decision, whether to just get it done, which means no cycle Oregon, or do what is probably impossible, to power thru it, hope for a brace that holds me together and take the sag wagon if needed. I don't have to decide yet, can't have surgery until swelling is better anyway.
Rationally I know there will always be a next event, does not seem to help my despair right now. Being a physician I am fully aware there are much worse things that happen everyday, still I cry.
Thanks for listening.