Being social

[lph]

hmmm... sometimes I think of myself as very social, sometimes as downright antisocial. I certainly have a very clear need for time on my own, and enjoy whole days without talking to anyone. In the larger structure of my life I need people to talk to and be with, but while I'm fairly outgoing I only count very few people as close friends and I'm definitely not a typical team player. I think maybe those articles or studies show that people with large social networks always have someone to fulfill certain needs and give support, but that doesn't mean you can't have the same support from a smaller group of people, you're just a bit more vulnerable if something happens to change the situation.

What makes you feel happy, appreciated and comfortable is the best thing for you, wouldn't you say?

[Cataboo]

I think you're going to die young, so you better hurry up and friend everyone!

[roadie gal]

I think you're going to die young, so you better hurry up and friend everyone!

Crap! That's what I was afraid of!

[goldfinch]

My hunch is that it is the quality of the social contacts, not quantity.

[shootingstar]

I've had a number of different jobs in vastly different and contrasting organizations and work cultures both in public and private sectors. Some organizations have been heavily dominated by men in terms of daily work interactions for me.

It's been a real interesting journey in meeting a very broad range of people from all walks of life, but have not acquired personal friendships from my jobs. Part of it is due to the personal preference that I don't spend time with work colleagues outside of the job nor do I go out for lunch hardly at all with anyone from work. I have tried, but things have naturally peetered out of mutual apathy by both myself and others over time.

It would be nice to have more closer female friends but it doesn't help when already I've moved to 2 different provinces in the past few years. I'm a socialable person with a smaller circle of long term friends (friendships over 25 yrs. long)..who unfortunately live in another province but have proven to be helpful ears during recent personal upheavals/life changing events.

I would less happy cultivating connection with a ton of superficial social networks where I would feel even MORE isolated. It only accentuates my disconnection with people I share very little common interest.

By the way, I see TE forums as a convenient place to chat up on specific stuff without worrying about how much advance knowledge I have on a particular topic.

[lauraelmore1033]

My hunch is that it is the quality of the social contacts, not quantity.

well crap, I'm done for...

[GLC1968]

I think you're going to die young, so you better hurry up and friend everyone!

LOL!

I think the people reporting these studies fail to convey the importance of what they really mean. It's not that people with 942 facebook friends are going to live longer than the happily married couple living in a remote ranch in a tiny town in the wilds of Montana. It's that humans are social creatures and we need social validation/support to live emotionally healthy lives. And emotional health is critical to longevity. WHERE we get it this support/interaction varies from individual to individual. As far as I'm concerned, that's how it should be. If we all needed to be the center of attention at a party, it would be one lousy party, you know?

[OakLeaf]

I was recently introduced to the Jungian concept of introversion/extroversion. The idea is that most people gain energy from being with others, but there are some people who need solitude to recharge. I'm one. Sounds like maybe you are, too. (This is independent of the common concepts of introversion or extroversion - someone can function well in social situations and even be a show-off, but still be drained by it emotionally.)

[indysteel]

I was recently introduced to the Jungian concept of introversion/extroversion. The idea is that most people gain energy from being with others, but there are some people who need solitude to recharge. I'm one. Sounds like maybe you are, too. (This is independent of the common concepts of introversion or extroversion - someone can function well in social situations and even be a show-off, but still be drained by it emotionally.)

I think that's the definition the Myers-Briggs personality test uses to determine introversion/extroversion. There's a common misunderstanding of what it means to be introverted or extroverted. As you point out, most people define it as shy versus outgoing.

I, personally, am just slightly more introverted than extroverted--at least according to Myers-Briggs. In practical terms, it means I need some social interaction, but not too much. It makes for a bit of internal conflict, as I tend to make plans with other people rather readily and then come to regret it or purposely carve out some alone/down time, only to then feel lonely and sad. Cycling with other people is actually the perfect activity for me. It's social, but doesn't necessarily require constant conversation or interaction.

[badger]

I was recently introduced to the Jungian concept of introversion/extroversion. The idea is that most people gain energy from being with others, but there are some people who need solitude to recharge. I'm one. Sounds like maybe you are, too. (This is independent of the common concepts of introversion or extroversion - someone can function well in social situations and even be a show-off, but still be drained by it emotionally.)

I was going to point this out as well. If you take the Briggs-Meyers test they ask if you need to "decompress" and be on your own after being with others - a classic sign of being introverted.

I'm INFJ and frequently need to be on my own to "recharge", and those who are extroverted sometimes have a hard time understanding my need to be alone.

[Crankin]

I have lots of "networks," connections, etc. and a few very close friends. I am seen as very social, but I enjoy my alone time, mostly with DH. I spent years being friends with work people outside of work and I made a decision to stop that a long time ago. I hardly have anything in common with my 2 close non-cycling friends now, either. Another one is now into riding (the one who bought the Ruby), so we ride sometimes and socialize with husbands. We socialize mostly with one couple, our cycling friends, but we do lots of other stuff with them besides riding... theatre, restaurants, vacations. I still stay in contact with one or two friends in AZ, and see them when I go there. I am in contact with and see one friend from my middle school/HS days here in Boston, despite many many moves. She lives about 20 miles from me. In 2 weeks, I am going to my 40th reunion from the high school I didn't graduate from, but with all of the kids I grew up with. Moving ripped away a lot of those connections and I like having them. I don't socialize with the people, but as I get older, it's nice.
I don't socialize with my riding group, either. Most of the people have been friends for years and I always feel on the outside, although they are perfectly pleasant. I stopped volunteering at the synagogue because of riding, too. I have absolutely nothing in common with most of the people and frankly, as they age, they are looking like a mighty unhealthy bunch. I go to one or two social events there a year and give my $. Now I have my friends from grad school, too. Those connections will continue, but I am not sure how or how long.We are talking about a peer supervision group.
I think the research means you have to feel some connection to something; a religious group, family, hobby, volunteer group. There's a lot of people who just go home and watch TV after working all day.

[badger]

interesting, I just took the test again and today I'm ISFJ. I've been INFP as well, but one thing remains steadfast is my "very expressed introversion".

[emily_in_nc]

I'm INFJ and frequently need to be on my own to "recharge", and those who are extroverted sometimes have a hard time understanding my need to be alone.

Another INFJ here! I am around and interacting with people at work all day so sometimes feel downright anti-social when I get home. I live in an apartment now and have some neighbors I love, but sometimes I really hope not to run into anyone when I take my dog out for a walk, for instance. Other times I'm just fine with it and happy to stop and chat. I'm much more sociable on the weekends since I haven't had my social energy drained at work.

We lived in a single-family homes for many years, and this was not something I ever had to worry about. Although I come across as very sociable, I think; living in multi-family housing has reinforced for me just how much of an introvert I really am. A friendly, smiling introvert who loves her alone time.

[ultraviolet]

I'm an introvert, with a fairly small social circle. In fact, I was just having a conversation with someone about how Facebook does or does not reflect how we implement interpersonal relationships in our day-to-day lives, and I mentioned that I looked at the number of "friends" I had on Facebook a couple of months ago and promptly dropped about 2/3 of them, because it was improbable to me that I had that many people I would call "friend".

I have no bitterness over the notion that people with extensive social networks may live longer than me. I'm fine with that. IN fact, it just gives me more motivation to live the life that I want and that makes me happy while I can. And if that life means more time reading a book on the couch, or riding around on the back of my bike by myself...I'm totally fine with that, because it's what keeps me happy. To be honest, I've never really thought I'd make it past about 52 anyway. No, I don't have a death wish, it's just a number that stuck in my head when I was pretty young. So, in my brain, anything past that is just bonus time.

As far as Meyers-Briggs goes, I'm an INTJ. If you read the description of an INTJ, it's definitely reflective of the core of my personality...and certainly in my professional life.

For anyone who is familiar with the Enneagram, I'm a 5. That's something that's also pretty descriptive me, but it goes a little deeper than the Meyers-Briggs, with more variation in personality and motivation drivers.

[OakLeaf]

If you take the Briggs-Meyers test they ask if you need to "decompress" and be on your own after being with others - a classic sign of being introverted.

Uh ... where's the privacy policy on that webpage??? Besides this one:

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Kiwi Stoker, I'm so sorry about your friend/relative and about the position you're in with her. Hope all works out for the best - although it's hard to know what is best in that kind of situation.