Depression

[Irulan]

Crankin, my therapist is, well, ok. I've worked with her for quite a few years now. The irony of it all is that this is the second time I've met a guy who was, well, to put it mildly, horrible. And both times, I just hung on thinking its me and completely wasted all my time. Its sort of completely ridiculous because both times, everyone and god saw that the guys were bad and kept telling me to get out. But because I grew up with so many issues, I just kept thinking if I somehow fixed myself, everything would be fine. And both of them told me I had problems and I needed to fix myself for the relationships to work and I believed them. Its, all....quite ridiculous. I can't believe I wasted all my time and energy. Seriously.

Wow. I would never stick with a therapist who is "well, ok". I mean, this is your life we are talking about ( and your money, presumably). You should really think your therapist is terrific, or find a new one. And yes, I know it's difficult. Ask around. You want to work with someone who will push you to look at the hard things, and make you a little uncomfortable at times. If it's too easy, you won't get anywhere with it.

I'm not going to bore you with my story as I'm sure it's buried here on the forum somewhere.(short version, abused, neglected, PTSD, depressive disorders) I've worked with a couple of really crappy, or "ok" therapists, and I've been very fortunate to work with two really excellent ones who helped me to heal, and grow, and find some real peace in my life.

RE mindfulness helping
1. 12 step work may be appropriate for you
2. Jack Kornfield has some great books on mindfulness and daily practice.


(requoting)

I just kept thinking if I somehow fixed myself, everything would be fine. And both of them told me I had problems and I needed to fix myself for the relationships to work and I believed them. Its, all....quite ridiculous.

Not ridiculous at all. It's absolutely true. Why would you think otherwise? Until we get well, we tend to pick mates that either aggravate, underscore, or reflect our issues.