Depression

[goldfinch]

Indysteel, yeah I was given an evaluation and the conclusion was that I had personality issues and issues with close relationships from having had ADHD-type difficulties in school and the family. They started me on dialetical behavioral therapy and psychotherapy since meds actually aggravated my anxiety. It was going along fine until something happened and triggered off the rage which apparently, none of the coping strategies therapy taught helped. I'm going to give the therapist's office a call and see if they're open today and maybe get an appointment before my next one.

Tough road. It might help to know that dialetical behavioral therapy (DBT) has some decent research to back it up for treatment of personality disorders. What you are trying to do is "rewire" how you respond to stresses. It takes time to create new mental habits like it takes time to create new exercise habits.

Keep training that mental muscle!

[alexis_the_tiny]

Crankin, my therapist is, well, ok. I've worked with her for quite a few years now. The irony of it all is that this is the second time I've met a guy who was, well, to put it mildly, horrible. And both times, I just hung on thinking its me and completely wasted all my time. Its sort of completely ridiculous because both times, everyone and god saw that the guys were bad and kept telling me to get out. But because I grew up with so many issues, I just kept thinking if I somehow fixed myself, everything would be fine. And both of them told me I had problems and I needed to fix myself for the relationships to work and I believed them. Its, all....quite ridiculous. I can't believe I wasted all my time and energy. Seriously.

[Crankin]

Are you still doing the DBT? Anything that emphasizes mindfulness is going to help. I am a huge believer in it.
If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

[Azurah]

Sorry...I'm pretty new here, but just wanted to add some ((hugs)) from someone else who knows what it's like to have depression and other psych issues.

[alexis_the_tiny]

I'm still following stuff I learned from DBT but my current therapist doesn't know how to continue where my other one left off. (LONG story) Mindfulness is helping alot right now, I find that as long as he's not around, I don't have any overwhelming, rage or anxiety problems.

Azurah, thank you for the good thoughts. =)

[WindingRoad]

Alexis - just wanted to send some positive thoughts your way. It isn't any wonder why you've had rage issues considering being in an abusive relationship. I hope eventually you can find the ability to let go of the anger and not let it consume you. Maybe at some point when things calm down a bit you might consider trying a new therapist for a new take on things. Anyways, I hope you slowly start feeling a bit better each day.

[Kitsune06]

I'm just popping in after having read, but I can't contribute much more than what the others have said. Another ((hug)), though, from someone else who knows how dark some places can be, and what psychological abuse can do to a person. Baby steps forward, for this, too, shall pass.

[Irulan]

Crankin, my therapist is, well, ok. I've worked with her for quite a few years now. The irony of it all is that this is the second time I've met a guy who was, well, to put it mildly, horrible. And both times, I just hung on thinking its me and completely wasted all my time. Its sort of completely ridiculous because both times, everyone and god saw that the guys were bad and kept telling me to get out. But because I grew up with so many issues, I just kept thinking if I somehow fixed myself, everything would be fine. And both of them told me I had problems and I needed to fix myself for the relationships to work and I believed them. Its, all....quite ridiculous. I can't believe I wasted all my time and energy. Seriously.

Wow. I would never stick with a therapist who is "well, ok". I mean, this is your life we are talking about ( and your money, presumably). You should really think your therapist is terrific, or find a new one. And yes, I know it's difficult. Ask around. You want to work with someone who will push you to look at the hard things, and make you a little uncomfortable at times. If it's too easy, you won't get anywhere with it.

I'm not going to bore you with my story as I'm sure it's buried here on the forum somewhere.(short version, abused, neglected, PTSD, depressive disorders) I've worked with a couple of really crappy, or "ok" therapists, and I've been very fortunate to work with two really excellent ones who helped me to heal, and grow, and find some real peace in my life.

RE mindfulness helping
1. 12 step work may be appropriate for you
2. Jack Kornfield has some great books on mindfulness and daily practice.


(requoting)

I just kept thinking if I somehow fixed myself, everything would be fine. And both of them told me I had problems and I needed to fix myself for the relationships to work and I believed them. Its, all....quite ridiculous.

Not ridiculous at all. It's absolutely true. Why would you think otherwise? Until we get well, we tend to pick mates that either aggravate, underscore, or reflect our issues.