results from needle biopsy :(

[ny biker]

(((((((((marni)))))))))

Telling your sisters totally depends on your relationship and whether you think you can trust them to be there for YOU and not bring their own baggage to the party.

I hope that you have the kind of relationship with your sisters that will let you tell them, but please don't let ***US*** bring ***OUR*** own baggage to this party also, and encourage you to do things that aren't in your best interests.

People who love you will tend to (1) worry, (2) judge your decisions and (3) think about how your decisions and your condition could affect THEM, and you don't need ANY of those things right now. (e.g. what you said about your DH and the choice you have to make about a mastectomy) So I totally support your decision to tell only the people with whom you feel completely safe, never mind what social pressures exist because of your biological or other relationship to them. You don't need those social pressures right now, either - not from them and not from us.

+1 on making arrangements as soon as you feel confident enough to do it. But it's better to wait until you can make a decision from a position of strength later, than to make a hasty decision from a position of fear.

Spinning my wheels for you.



ETA: While it's true that it may be helpful for your sisters' doctors to know your medical history, there is NO URGENCY to that need. (If you choose to go an aggressive route, your doctor will be able to tell you whether your cells are even the kind that tend to run in families. Odds are that they aren't.) Tell your sisters when and if you feel safe, and not before. This is NOT the time you need to be taking care of other people. This is the time you need to be taking care of yourself. PLEASE don't let anyone else burden you with their own baggage surrounding breast health issues, and ESPECIALLY not TE'rs whom you hardly know (me included). You have enough voices screaming in your own head already, I'll wager. You don't need them screaming from the outside, too.

Take good care. Of yourself.

I completely agree with this. You need to do what's best for yourself and your situation.

My parents waited until after my brother's wedding to tell us that my mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer. No one was angry at them -- they did what was best for them, and what they felt would be best for us.

Best of luck to you.

[maillotpois]

Big hug to you, Marni. Hang in there and we're here for you.

Only you know the right thing to do with respect to your sisters.

[Pedal Wench]

Marni,
My mom was diagnosed with Ductal Carcinoma Insitu ( non invasive breast cancer) when I was 17. That was 31 years ago. I clearly remember the family meeting to discuss what it meant, and what the options were for her. She chose to skip surgery, but is incredibly vigilant about watching it. My sis had breast cancer too (diagnosed about 13 years ago), so this means my family history puts me high on the risk lists. It's good for all the family to know what's going on - not just so they can comfort you (I would be furious if they kept something serious from me!) but also so they know the family genetics.

[Possegal]

I agree with folks saying that really only you can say what is best for you. We all only know what is best for ourselves. You do what you need to do. If you tell your sisters now, maybe be very emphatic with them that right now, you want to just enjoy your bike ride and deal with this when that is finished and ask them to not dwell on it with you before then.

Keep in mind folks, there is no need for marni to tell the family for their own medical well-being, as this is not her first diagnosis (hence the vigilant screening and the tamoxifen she is taking), so her family already knows that there is now a family history.

We will all keep spinning our wheels for you marni, you just tell us how hard you need us to spin! And come here and vent anytime you need to. I find it one of the best things about online/anonymous forums.

[zoom-zoom]

You've already been given so much good advice...I will simply add my support. (((Marni))) you are so strong. Continue to be good to yourself and do what makes this journey easiest for YOU.

[MomOnBike]

I agree with Knotted Yet. I'd tell my sisters. That may be just me, my sister and my husband were the only two that knew about my cancer for a long time. My mother was the last one I told, but that's my family dynamics.

If you do tell your sisters, order - don't politely suggest - order them to have fun with you on the upcoming ride. The pity party can happen afterwards. The bike ride will be for mental health. There will be more than enough time for a pity party.

[withm]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I guess statistically 1 out of 9 or 10 women are affected. Once you include their families and friends, at this point I think everyone knows someone in your position.

I have 4 sisters, we are fairly close, and yes, I would struggle with this decision as well. Much as I might want to keep things to myself, I just can't see any benefit by not telling them if I had any kind of a serious condition.

Since you are close with your sisters, they will notice changes in your attitudes and behavior, or preoccupation and I would guess they will be wondering what's going on. It will be very difficult to even have phone conversations over the next 2 months and have them not notice even subtle changes or that you are not as forthcoming as you usually are.

I know my sisters would be very hurt if I were to withhold this news for so long. Your bike ride is not for 2 months - telling them now lets the news sink in, and gives them time to think about it and to react. I would expect that sharing this will bring you all even closer and make for a better bike ride when you do all get together.

[indigoiis]

Telling your sisters opens a line of communication for them to tell you when they need you, when the time is right. If you do tell them, be specific (facts, next steps) and then be specific about what you need from them (a really fun bike ride, continued conversation/open communication) and then change the subject when you feel like everyone is on the same page.

[GLC1968]

I have no advice concerning your sisters as I don't have any and wouldn't begin to understand that relationship. I do agree that the decision must be YOURS based on YOUR needs...not theirs.

That said, like the rest of the wonderful TE community, I'm here to offer my support to you. We are here if you need it!

[redrhodie]

(((Marni))) I'm so sorry this isn't over. These tests sound so annoying and painful, but obviously they catch things a lot earlier now. At least that gives you time to figure out what to do, but I know that doesn't make these decisions any easier. Whatever you do, we're here for you. I hope we can help you find peace and strength through this. I know how far you've come with your fitness, and I know you will win this race. You can do it.

[Pax]

(((Marni))) Warm healing thoughts headed your way.

[ny biker]

By the way, you might want to check out livestrong.org. You might find some of their resources useful, either now or in the future. They offer help things like insurance and legal issues as well as managing treatment.

http://www.livestrong.org/Get-Help/G...On-One-Support

And of course there's Susan G. Komen for the Cure :

http://ww5.komen.org/

[PamNY]

All my best to you.

You sound strong and level-headed. I'm sure you will make the right decision regarding your sisters. As other have mentioned, the important thing now is you and your needs. Take good care.

[smittykitty]

Hey Marni: Group Hug from TE. Do what feels best to YOU. Good luck with your decision. When you've made up your mind, you'll know.

Sending good thoughts your way.

[Trek420]

((((( marni) ))))) All my best.