Thanks, lph. Ironically, this issue has been on my mind this week due to a conversation I had earlier in the week with a friend of mine about a mutual friend I broke up with a few years ago.

This particular friend had been in a bad relationship with a man for a number of years. And by bad, I mean that he was emotionally abusive, manipulative, and toxic. They had broken up and gotten back together more times than I could count. During each breakup, I would hear from my friend, and I would do my best to encourage her to move on. Each time, she would insist she'd had enough, but would eventually return to him. It was a very unhealthy dynamic. What was always most telling to me is that she would get back together with him in secret. It would sometimes be weeks or months before she'd admit they had reunited.

After one particularly dramatic episode, I simply had had enough. I was tired of the drama, so I basically ended the friendship. We weren't the closest of friends anyway, and I rarely heard from her except when they were on the outs. They otherwise isolated themselves (another sign of trouble). I just wasn't getting much out of it anymore.

She, apparently, told our mutual friend recently that I "broke her heart" and that friends are supposed to be loyal and support one another no matter what. I've thought a lot about that this week with some degree of indignation. She's finally broken up with the guy--after another two years of drama (eight total)--and I was surprised that she still doesn't want to take any responsibility for how the relationship adversely affected her life, including her friendships. Prior to hearing that, I was half tempted to reconcile with her, but I've since thought better of it.

I love my friends, and generally speaking, I am more than happy to support them through good times and bad, but when they repeatedly engage is dysfunctional behavior with no sign of change, then I do not feel that it is my responsibility as a friend to support them. As harsh as this sounds, I have had my quota of crazy in my life. At this stage, I have neither the time nor the inclination to be anybody's therapist. If they want do take the steps necessary to be happy and healthy, then I'm there for them. Otherwise, I'm out the door with no apology.

I know some of the people in my life think I'm judgmental. And I suppose I am, but what the hell is all my own therapy worth if I don't give myself permission to exercise better judgment as to who I let in and keep in my life? I just find it odd that some women expect their friends to support them while they make a mess of their lives. That's not to say I've never made my own mistakes, but I never asked anyone else to clean up my mess.

My own rant over.