Thanks. I did some thinking on a run last night and decided that I will not likely do $7,500 worth of laundry in my foreseeable lifetime. At that price, I'd be better off paying someone to do my laundry and demolishing the room entirely (NOT having the room will subtract almost no value from my home - it isn't counted towards the square footage anyway, since it's not heated living space and was never permitted to begin with).

I think I'm going to find a foundation specialist and see if it's possible to fix this without taking the walls down. Otherwise, I'm not going to worry about it until it warms up a bit.

(ETA - sundial, I got a chuckle out of the plumber suggestion - I've done all of that work myself!)