I know exactly what you are talking about. Sore smashed lady parts are no fun. Especially when everything else is just fine. I went through 4 saddles until I found the right combination, but that's because I didn't get professional help at my LBS. Somehow women understand better but maybe with this knowledge from the forums you can take it to your LBS.

Saddle 1. Came with my Trek, a WSD (women's specific design) it was okay.
Saddle 2. Much too wide for my sit bones. I would ache for hours.
Saddle 3. A much more narrow fit but back to smashing the lady parts.

Saddle 4. Had a fitting at my LBS with a lady when I bought my Cervelo. She suggested a Bontrager WSD RL InForm. It's what she used. There are different sizes and she fit me with it at the shop on my bike. Turns out I needed the saddle more forward to keep me from scooching back for comfort. Bontrager has a 30 day guarantee but I didn't need it.

It is so much better. I actually forgot about my lady parts and could focus on my ride for a change.

So, WESTTEXAS there is a fit and saddle for you. It's all so individual but that pain is the same for sure!