new rider with training partner issues

[andiewest]

I know I sound a little hard nosed. She is truly a good friend and this cycling has created a difficult dynamic between the three of us. I have tried to talk to her about this and have apologized to her for not being clear about my expectations. I guess I just wanted an apology from her, for expecting me to put her goals ahead of my own. I have let her know that she is my friend regardless of whether she cycles or not. Anyway, waiting for the weather to warm up a bit so I can get back out on my bike. I will go to a spin class tonight just to keep my legs moving.

Andie

[Cataboo]

You don't sound hardnosed to me - it's just difficult to cycle at someone else's pace. I can ride with people that are slightly faster than me or slightly slower than me without too much problem... But people that are way slower or way faster, I have a hard time riding with. The former because they're cutting into my biking/training time and it does affect my conditioning, and the latter because I feel horrible for slowing them down.

[indysteel]

And I son't want to sound wholly unsympathetic to your situation. It wasn't entirely clear from your OP what understanding you had with your friend when you first decide to do the ride our how clear the expectations were. From the sound of it, you've tried to address the issue and offered some solutions. If she's not interested in trying and isn't even having fun, then this sounds like her problem, bot yours. While it would ideal I'd you could sort it out without much drama, that might not be possible. There's only so much you can do for someone who's seemingly more interested in complaining. Perhaps it's time to cut her loose (in terms of the ride)--with the proviso that if she decides to really get on board with training, then you're there for her. If she's not, then you'd like to spend time together in some other fashion.

Good luck and kudos for the progress you've made in getting back in shape.

[Trek420]

It's the only thing I dislike about cycling other than that events start soooo early in the morning; all the *&^% sorting. "I ride 30-40 miles brisk pace, you like 50 - 60 miles dizzyingly fast pace on the flats, she's riding 20 miles slow but loooooves hills ...." Can we ride together? Mmmmaybe, maybe not.

Options could include but are not limited to ;
you bring beater/errand/fixed gear bikes she brings road bike.
do a spin class together.
cross train together.
do the same ride, she rides her pace you do hill repeats*
find a local club with tiers. Meet at start/finish/recovery meal

*there's a possibility of her feeling bad as you do the hill 5 times as she rides up it once but whatever. As long as she's training she will get there too. You encourage and inspire her and sip a recovery beverage as you wait at the top.

[andiewest]

Thanks for brainstorming all those suggestions. I think I will try the hill repeats. Our LBS is just starting a woman's club ride, so I think that might suggest that we do that together.

Did a spin and strength training class today. It was an awesom workout.

Andie

[redrhodie]

you bring beater/errand/fixed gear bikes she brings road bike.

I love this idea. Here's some more:

You could adjust your brake so it's rubbing a little. I've done a few too many newbie miles with a rubbing brake. It definitely slows you down.

Wear a large windbreaker and let her draft.

Carry her gear. My bf makes me do this when we ride to the beach, and then drops me. He's a real prince.

Put heavy tires on your bike, and make sure hers are pumped to the max.

Actually, are you sure her bike doesn't have an issue? Maybe it's not her. Sometimes, it's the bike.

[Trek420]

... her comment that she hates every moment on the bike means she doesn't really want to be there.

Actually, are you sure her bike doesn't have an issue? Maybe it's not her. Sometimes, it's the bike.

I felt the same way before I got my namesake bike fit; loved the sport and the idea of riding but hated being on the bike. Has she had the bike fit?

Invite her to TE .... after deleting this thread

I love this idea. Here's some more:

Her fast training days become your recovery ride.

[Tri Girl]

I'm stuck on the remark that she hates every moment of riding. We all know that when you do a century, by about mile 70 finishing is FAR more mental than physical at that point. If she's already mentally out of the game from the start, even if she can keep a fast pace, there's no way she'll finish if she's hating it. Mind over matter and all- and if you mind then it doesn't matter how fast you're moving- it's going to be a horrible experience.

I wonder if maybe the three of you could do an overnight tour. A S24O (sub 24 hour overnight bike trip). Touring is always a more relaxed pace anyway, and that way you guys could still do the cycling thing together, but it would be a different mindset. Heck- you could carry all the gear in a BOB trailer and she could ride gear-free and then your paces might match. Pack up the camping gear, ride to a state park and camp out overnight and make it a girls weekend, then ride home the next day. Or just throw some overnight things in a day pack and ride to another town and stay at a B&B and make a girls weekend out of it.

Just saying... she seems to not enjoy cycling, so maybe if you made it more casual/fun she'd still feel a part of the "cycling trio" without having to push the training like you need to do when training for a century. You two could still do your century, and leave the more relaxed pace for a weekend getaway every couple months.