I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. It is certainly a life-changing diagnosis. One way to look at it is that for breast cancer, there is so much more $$ going into research and new treatments, and there is a ton of social support out there for breast cancer patients and their families. Sorry this is going to be long, as your post has caught me in a reflective mood.

My mom is a 25+ year survivor and turns 70 this year.

I don't know a ton of details about her diagnosis, other than her Dr. wanted her to get a mammogram when he found a lump the size of a grain of rice during a routine exam. The biopsy showed malignant and she got a modified radical mastectomy. After surgery I remember she was taking some kind of pills and had to spend time with her arm in an inflated sleeve to reduce fluid buildup in her arm. She and my dad were always selective about the details. I think that's a cultural thing. She had some ROM problems with her shoulder for a little while but eventually got it back to 100%.

As I understand it, my mother and her doctors (my father was one of them) chose a very aggressive surgery. I think they favor other procedures now, but who knows -- maybe that aggressive procedure is why she is still with us.

If I have any advice for your cousin, it would be to take advantage of whatever support is available to her to deal with the road ahead. Whether it is support groups or with a professional therapist who deals with cancer patients and their families, I think it will make a big difference in handling the treatments and whatever lies beyond. I feel very strongly about this.

My mom did not seek any kind of support through her recovery. She basically recovered at home alone. She did not want to be around people. That was her choice, because I'm sure she was aware there was support available but she felt it wasn't her thing. We had conversations about that. Bottom line, there was more emotional fallout from the diagnosis and treatment than my mother ever wanted to admit. A whole lifetime's worth. All of her regrets in life surfaced over the next two years. And instead of seeking professional help with it, or a support group, it became my job to be her confidante/therapist, and as I look back at myself at age 16, that was a burden that I was unprepared for. And maybe she could have worked through all that stuff without making me feel that I should somehow fix her problems by choosing the right college and declaring the right major, and just making all the "right decisions about my life," and then me being angry at her for making me feel that way. All of which sent me into therapy so that I could find a way to forgive her and give myself permission to live my own life.

Maybe therapy can't be avoided, but I would suggest that one tries to avoid passing it on to the next generation. It comes down to this: yes, everyone deals with these situations differently. But help is available. People WANT to help, in so many ways. Let them. And embrace whatever journey you're on, because it's the only one you've got.