Lying Liars from Liarville

[tangentgirl]

What do you do when someone lies to your face? Straight up, just plain tells you something that is not at all true?

I don't mean "your haircut looks fine" when the true response is "it will grow out soon." I mean "I didn't do that" when you just saw the video of them doing exactly that.

Just caught a coworker in what I'm about 85% sure is a lie. Not enough to call him out, but damn, whatever that was sure was convenient.

It got me thinking to the times - and there have been a few - where people have completely lied to me in professional situations. And I know they lied, 100% sure. It really, really gets me riled up. I kind of take it personally, and wow I get mad.

How do you deal with that? And how do you stay professional?

[bmccasland]

In professional life, don't do business with them, or if that isn't an option, just know you'll have to take what they say with a grain of salt. It isn't a reflection on you. The ones that are lieing, know they're doing it, and generally get very defensive when they're called out, or even questioned. I find avoidance it the best option.

[indysteel]

What do you do when someone lies to your face? Straight up, just plain tells you something that is not at all true?

I don't mean "your haircut looks fine" when the true response is "it will grow out soon." I mean "I didn't do that" when you just saw the video of them doing exactly that.

Just caught a coworker in what I'm about 85% sure is a lie. Not enough to call him out, but damn, whatever that was sure was convenient.

It got me thinking to the times - and there have been a few - where people have completely lied to me in professional situations. And I know they lied, 100% sure. It really, really gets me riled up. I kind of take it personally, and wow I get mad.

How do you deal with that? And how do you stay professional?

Thankfully, I have not had to deal with lying--at least anything more than white lies--in a professional setting. If I did, I'd make sure to establish a paper trail (or use other ways to CYA) as often as possible when dealing with someone who I don't trust. If the lie legitimately affected my own job performance or how I was viewed by the powers that be, then I'd be prepared to confront the situation head on. Now, that might mean talking privately to the person in question or confiding in a supervisor or HR person. It would really depend on the situation.

I have dealt with plenty of liars in my personal life. One former friend, in particular, had a nasty habit of lying to me. Note that I said former. At first, I really tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but the frequency with which I found myself on the receiving end of a fabrication finally got to me enough that I simply walked away. I finally came to the conclusion that she was either a bit of a nut or thought that I was the most naive person on the planet. Either way, it didn't bode well.

In dealing with a sister with Borderline Personality Disorder, I do try to appreciate--as hard as it is--that some people lie because of a pathology of some kind. My sister has told some shocking lies over the years. If I understand the literature on BPD, she may not even be aware--in the way that a fully sane person is--that she's lying. The needs she's attempting to meet by lying are so deeply rooted in her psyche, that the lie IS her reality, at least in the moment that it's first told. If that makes sense.

I don't have a relationship with her, in part because of the lies. Regardless of her reasons, I can't be close to someone who seeks attention and "love" by telling people that her husband has a brain tumor or that she has lupus (as a few for instances).

[TsPoet]

I think part of the problem is there are so many kinds of lies - like your haircut example. I think we get so used to those little lies that it becomes easier for other lies.
My mom hated lies and liars. But, she taught us that you don't always have to tell the truth just so long as you don't lie.

[tangentgirl]

Bmccasland, I'm finding avoidance to be a comfortable option too. But, dangit, it just feels wrong.

[bmccasland]

Bmccasland, I'm finding avoidance to be a comfortable option too. But, dangit, it just feels wrong.

Weellll, I took avoidance to a tad of an extreme - something like 3000 miles. There is more than one reason I left New Orleans. Dealing with some of my esteemed colleagues at work, or one in particular, did have a lot to do with the decision.
I would say it isn't wrong. The face you're trying to save is yours. No one else will look out for you.

[redrhodie]

Years ago, I sat next to a pathological liar at work. It was really stressful, but it became a little easier once I knew she was always lying, and that I should just never trust anything she said. When we didn't believe her stories, she would throw a tantrum and bang around, even mock hitting her head on her workbench. She was extreme. It must have been very frustrating to her when she was telling a random truth, because eventually, no one believed anything she said.

When she left the job, she took me aside and apologized for all the trouble she'd caused, saying she was checking in to a hospital for treatment of bi polar disorder. She told our bosses she was leaving to go to Romania to help the orphans. She probably did neither of those things.

After she left, lots of lies she'd told came out. She told me one of our coworkers had made a pass at her boyfriend, and she told that same coworker I had made a pass at him. Even these many years later, I still remember the drama and trauma she caused.

Maybe that we didn't believe her was why she left. She no longer had an audience. We weren't fun anymore.

[tangentgirl]

Weellll, I took avoidance to a tad of an extreme - something like 3000 miles.

Ha!

I just didn't talk to the guy for 3/4 of yesterday. Then I had to anyways, and since I can't prove what really happened, I'll just treat him as politely as possible and doublecheck everything he tells me. Unfortunately, I have to work with this dude.

Of course, if 3k miles means I get to move to Hawaii or something, perhaps your solution would work as well. I'll have to look into that.